should I Respond to judgment panel after 14 years?

sennabrasil94

It's been 14 years since I was anathmatised at 17 years of age, I was never baptised but they still marked me as dissaproved asociation,it had the same effect as being dissfellowshiped. This tore my family apart I was satan's child acording to my stepfather want-a-be. The elders suggested that because I was haveing sexual relations with worldy girls and drinking that it would lead to drug addition jail and homosexuality and destruction at armageton. At 17 I laughed it off, But soon I became consumed with distruction and God's wrathfull judgment nearly to the point of suicide. I feard a death more painfull than my life. I abused alcohol as I learnd to from my Stepfather who acuses me of actualy being satan. Any way I lived wreckless hopeing to accidently die to pay for my sins a suicide indirectly just in case there was a resurection. But now I stumbled across all this apostate info (HA HA! just kidding)I Felt a sudden relief. It's refreshing to see that there are people who know and understand I was so imbarassed about my family being witnesses and basicaly disowning me If only I could be at peace within myself at, least till God fianly if ever judges and destroys me.I never went gay, (not that there's any thing wrong with it) And I never got addicted to drugs.

Any way, I want to face my judges and tell them off, I want an appology, I want to see them feel guilty for the mental abuse they put me through, They're actions influenced me in becomeing the bitter person I'am today, Should I bother?

hope death is less painfull than life?

joelbear

Senna,

First of all, big hugs. I know the pain you feel.

I doubt that confronting them would change their minds at all. But if you felt that the catharsis would do you good, then, tell them how you feel.

I hope you can recreate a family for yourself and move on somewhat. I know it is hard to do so. I think you will find that the recklessness just adds to your unhappiness. I went down the path of self destruction myself, drinking heavily and driving, hoping I would just die out there somewhere. I no longer drink and while I still have bad times, I don't stay down as long as I did when I was drinking.

Find just one good friend to rely on as a start.

again, BIG HUGS and best wishes

Joel

sennabrasil94

joel,

Thank you for your reply.

hope death is less painfull than life?

gsark

sennabrasil94: friendship and support can go a lot farther than confrontations with people that do not care. Living well can be the best revenge.

You have my hearfelt sympathy and prayers, and many of us have been down your road and no doubt we will be joined by many more.

Welcome to our 'family' and I look forward to more postings from you.

This little gem of a poem has been around years longer than I have, it is all ove the internet and in many books and here is a one version for you, and for all of us.

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn mean learning and company doesn mean security,

And you begin to learn that kisses aren contracts and presents aren promises,

And you begin to accept your defeat with your head up and you eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child,

And you learn to build all you roads on today
because tomorrow ground is too uncertain for plans.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own
soul, instead of waiting for someone else to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure...

That you really are strong,

And you really do have worth.

Life is a roller coaster. Get in, sit down, shut up and hang on!

RedhorseWoman

Joel gave you some good advice, and hopefully I can add to it. Before you do anything like confronting the elders, why don't you write everything down? This is good therapy in and of itself. It may be that you'll find that getting out the pain in this way is sufficient. If not, use it as a template to plan out what you need to tell them.

I wouldn't advise just going in there and giving them hell, although it might seem to be a good idea at first. Remember that they have been trained to deal with outbursts from disgruntled members. Plan what you want to say, and then do it.

Don't, however, expect an apology. You won't get one. Rather, use this as a healing tool for yourself. You need to get rid of the bitterness and guilt so that you can get on with your life.

Whatever you do, remember that God has not abandoned you, nor has He condemned you. These men claim to be God's spokesmen, but they are not.....they are simply men, and they have no power over you or your relationship with God.

I hope you'll stick around. Frequently, just sharing your pain and realizing that you are not alone is great therapy.

*****HUGS*****

philo

Welcome Senna,

I'm sorry for your losses, and I hope you will be able to turn some of them into gains. I think I have started to do this, partly with the help of this community.

Facing the 'brothers' may help you, I doubt if it will make any difference to them.

I think life is better than no life.

philo

jurs

Sennabrasil,

Hi and welcome. I don't think by telling them off that you will make them feel guilty. You need to keep in mind that these are people who are in a cult. They don't see their harsh, unloving , and destructive behavior as being that. When your mom or stepdad wannabe call you Satan or tell you that you will be destroyed at Armagedon, they really believe that they are trying to help you. They probably also feel dissapointed in you for "rejecting Jehovah". Its crazy and hard to understand but mind control is very powerful !!
If or when you confront them, you will most likely NOT get the response from them that you need. It would be great if your mom apologized and saw the pain she and others caused but I doubt it will happen that way. If you tell them off you will NOT instantly feel better. You may walk away actually feeling worse. I know because years ago I confronted my abusive non JW mother and it was very painful. BUT , I'm glad I did it. It was the beginning of a very LONG journey to forgiveness and letting go. Be prepared that this is going to take awhile.
I'm glad you found this sight. The last thing you need is guilt that your not a JW. There are many other good sights as well as books for you to read.
take care
jurs

stephenw20

Sennabrasil,

I can apprecaite the SPECIaL JOY had in confronting these guys....just consider the affects it has on you and how you mig t feel IF you dont get your point across.

I have just witnessed and particapted in a discussion with my brother and two older elders. It was in a word not as fulfilling as one migh think. FIrst the ARROGANCE that is carried like a sword will mystify you ... they are right reagrdless.. YOU DONT THINK YOU CAN TELL THEM ANYTHING do you.....
they will only be impressed with something that HITS home with them and even then the answers they give you may confuse you.

We had a fella tell us that 1975 was never discussed as the end of it all .. and that the society never encouraged anyone not to go to school or to see their homes. THis after I read the articles from that time period. He in fact said he wished he had heeded the counsel but could not as he had a family. DOI!

The other fella insisted...KNOOR did not agree with what was being printed.......

my advice is to find the PEACE for your self and later on when you get past this point in your life , then you can have a little fun.

s

sennabrasil94

Wow
Thank you everyone for responding!
I don't feel so alone and odd I spent alot of time surfing around JW topic sites and ...........I just feel like a weight has been lifted off off my shoulder. I have so much to say I don't know where to begin I never felt like this befor I feel enlightened.

Thank you!!
Senna

I hope the end is less painfull than life.

Francois

The point has been made already, but it bears repeating.

When an abused person confronts the abuser, whether it's in person, in a letter, on the phone or whatever, the confrontation is for the benefit of the abused person, not the abuser.

I took the letter approach, because - well - I'm a writer. And a letter gives you time and space to think about what you've said and to add to it, to subtract from it, to wait a while and make sure you haven't left anything out.

And you can always threatent to multiply copies of it and send it to a million people if the abuser doesn't respond. Worked for me.

Good luck,
Francois

Where it is a duty to worship the Sun you can be sure that a study of the laws of heat is a crime.

should I Respond to judgment panel after 14 years?

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