Role-Playing & XJW Discussion Boards.

by hillary_step 89 Replies latest jw friends

wasasister

I think it's important, HS, to distinguish between "role-playing" and displaying different sides of one, honest person. Merely changing a screen name does not constitute "playing a role."
Many, perhaps the majority, protect our real identities when online. The more we know about internet "relationships" the more we see the need for caution as you so astutely pointed out in your initial post. So, we make up a moniker, adopt an image, and we post our thoughts. Some, using the anonymity afforded this medium, find it easier to reveal parts of themselves they might hide under more "real" settings.
But, don't we all display different "selves" depending on the setting? For example, in my job I am often called upon to smooth ruffled feathers and deal with upset customers. I can be the most reasonable, calm, and compliant person in the universe when I'm being paid to do so. However, if confronted with an important conflict, I can go toe-to-toe with the best. Different circumstances, different me.
On this board, I am Wasasister. I know my conduct and expressions are restricted by the rules (however fluid) of the owner. Other places, my conduct may vary, based on the prevailing expectations of membership. That does not mean I'm being duplicitous, merely adaptable.
You seem to have found your "after-JW" center more quickly than most of us, HS. I'm happy for you, but for others - perhaps many others - it takes more time. These discussion boards become an important tool to making that transition. Hopefully, as the individual recovery process plods along, places such as this will become less and less important. But in the interim, it seems elitist to look down one's nose at those who are progressing more slowly.
I hope the foregoing does not seem confrontational or inflammatory. Not meant to be.
Wasa
hillary_step

Wasasister,
You seem to have found your "after-JW" center more quickly than most of us, HS. I'm happy for you, but for others - perhaps many others - it takes more time. These discussion boards become an important tool to making that transition. Hopefully, as the individual recovery process plods along, places such as this will become less and less important. But in the interim, it seems elitist to look down one's nose at those who are progressing more slowly.
You correctly draw attention to my reason for broaching this subject, that is to protect the interests of those who imbue these boards with a level of seriousness and a emotional weight which they should not be expected to give and maintain, and who suffer because of this.
Opinions of what I am as a person are of no consequence either to myself or the arguments that I present. You see, I view this place as a tiny little discussion board, on a huge internet, in a massive world and nothing more. This may be an individuals elitist viewpoint, on the other hand it may just be reality that some need to see before it hurts them when as you note they are at their most vunerable, after just exiting the WTS. After all, surely role-playing is not a sin and I am as entitled to do so as the next board subscriber.
If my thread encourages just one person to put these boards into a more reasonable perspective, then you can call me anything that you like. Arrogant, elitist, Barry Manilow, anything at all.
HS
wasasister

My Dear Good Fellow: I would never, ever, call you Barry Manilow.
You may, though, encourage, entreat, suggest, or prod all you like. People will come to that place by themselves and by their own means, no matter how much you might wish they would reach it sooner with your efforts.
You are much like me: we think we can "fix" people if we just use the right words. The reality is, we probably cannot. Given enough time and support, the majority of x-JW's will stop putting undue significance on discussion boards and get on with living a fulfilling life. "Protecting their interests" is perhaps your agenda, but may not be in their best interests.
Sincerely,
Wasa
LittleToe

HS:Great thread!
You mentioned in another thread that being offended if a person upsets you on a telephone call is similar to how one can offend another on an on-line discussion board, but it is very different. Vocal tones tell as story, digital words can often be, and are very often, misconstrued.
I agree and I disagree. Having had my fair share of misunderstandings on the phone, I chose that anaolgy carefully. The point is that in every form of communication there is missed data - every married person eventually comes to that realisation.
On a board you can add emoticons, take the time to sculpt what you want to say, and re-phrase things without an angry person being physically in your face. You have time for a few thought-cycles, rather than telling tomes by an ominous silence, etc. So to that end I believe that the online form can sometimes be a little clearer than the phone.
Given these circumstances, getting too sensitive about what happens on these boards is not healthy.
I agree. It's no more healthy than being "too sensitive" in our working world, or in our family life. Being the eldest of four was a great "grounder", for me, though many have had a completely different rearing. I try to take that into account when I communicate with people in every area of my life. I'm also very well aware that many people do not...
People often feel that I am angry in my posts, but they could not be further from the truth.
I have to confess that you've never come across as angry to me, and only rarely condescending. Part of it may be the cultural divides that Marilyn described. I've certainly seen a good deal of that throughout my life, both with online interactions and a good deal of inter-continental travel (not exclusively to the States).
Only one thing angers me, and that is when a persons privacy is compromised, or when someone is deliberately 'outed' with a view to harming them in their real life.'
On that count I couldn't agree more. It getting my pants in a bunch
The rest is not worth the energy required for getting upset, or offended imho.
And of course you're entitled to your opinion, as are others.
We pays our money we takes our choice.
I think I would have to say that I agree with Brummie on the "unconditional love" thing.
By way of example, and not in attempt to join the "bleeding hearts club", for all that my [ex]wife has put me though (and I have not told much more than a small slice here, due to my British reserve), I still love her unconditionally and believe that I always shall. It's our twelth anniversary on Sunday and I shall send a card, though we shall likely be divorced and never see each other again, later this year.
Oh, and btw, I might call you Barry Manilow
German:But your shirt has become famous
Oh the joys of being upstaged by an article of clothing!
LOL
Wasa:I think I would agree with pretty much everything you wrote.
It was a nicely balanced response.
Abaddon

Role Playing?
Me: Okay... my Ranger puts the bulls-eye lantern on the floor and draws his bastard sword whilst the dwarf and the elf load-up the bag of holding. The wizard is casting "Light" on the end of his staff.
DM: Bad idea! As the harsh light illuminates the treasure-strewn cave there's an angry roar, and a red dragon comes barrelling through a side tunnel; okay, d20 time; save against breath weapon for half damage which is.. oh deary me, 14d6 *giggle* *roll* *mumble* 78!
Real life is much the same, except less dragons, elf, wizards, swords, spells, and generally no need for a little box filled with various regular solids with numbers on each surface... (roll a 6 or higher on 2d6 to cross the road... ). There are still, however bastards...
We are all a work of fiction. We create 'stories' about ourselves FOR ourselves, let alone how we choose to present ourselves to other people. Even someone who thinks of themselves as open and direct is creating that role for themselves.
As IRL, so it is online, except people use the fact they are far less likely to be called-to-account to extend the envelope of their conceptualisation of themselves. We all do this to one extent or the other. Online allows us to be hyper-real, even if we don't think of it that way; ourselves as we would like to be.
Ever noticed how the short people in AD&D almost always played vast muscle-bound fighters and the unpopular ones had a tendancy to be wizards? Stature or power wanted IRL sought in a fantasy world.
The problem I think is when people treat it like a fantasy world rather than like online, as there is a difference (unless you're in some Gorian bbs, or typing someone coffee in Beauty's Castle, etc.).
People can become so invested in their online persona they lose touch with reality and any idea of perspective or context.
LittleToe

...and that would be why Fests are so useful.
Folks can still put on a mask, to a degree, but occasionally it slips.
IMHO you can't get away from the need for face-to-face interactions, when it comes to real friendships. Online life only take you so far.
Anyway, my Paladin can kick your Assasin's ass, any time of the week - I've got a +5 Crossbow!
Abaddon

Hide in shadows... *rolls dice*
Move silently *rolls dice*
Ross... what assasin? There's no assasin here...
THAC0 = 8 *rolls dice* that's a hit, 1d6+1 base damage, for a *rolls dice* 5, and that's a shortsword of goody-goody killing, +3/+6 against Lawful Good for 11 damage, backstab at my assasins level if.. oo... quintuple, so 55 damage.
And now you need to save against poison with a -6 modifier... or die...
LittleToe

B*st*rd, and I can't use my funky crossbow at this range!!!
Casts "spell of oblivion" - rolls 3d12.
Oh shyte - misfired and blew off my own leg!!!
I did so like that level 23 character
(D&D DM from the early 80's, before the WTS spoiled my fun!)
Did you know that Gary Gygax, co-founder of Dungeons and Dragons, was allegedly a JW?
LOL
Crumpet

HS - interesting thread - so many comments!
I approach these boards with a certain level of suspicion - its so obvious to me that people will lie about their appearance, but not all. Those of us who can (those who are not legitimately afraid of being identified because of being in the Borg still or for fear of Borg recriminations) post genuine photos. I even change my photo regularly to show my changes in hair cut, mood, the weather etc! As long as I can change my avatar I promise that what you see is what you get.
I probably do talk about sex rather more than most - but then it never ceases to inspire me and interest me and yes I am nosey and like hearing about other people's experiences in their relationships - because it makes me feel less alone and slightly less dumb, slightly less. And anyway people who talk about sex the most are the ones getting it the least - or so they say!
But anyway - this is all hot air because I COULD be lying and although I'm not how can anyone tell? Well here is one simple way buy me a pint and judge for yourselves!
Honestly crumpet
jgnat

I admit I was excited as a schoolgirl to meet Blondie and Irreverent in person. My friends advised caution. After all, my only knowledge of them was from this board. But....but...but....this is Blondie and Irreverent! Before Blondie and Irreverent was Concerned Mama, another beautiful person. I have also met Will Power, an elegant, amazing lady. Because of that experience, I do think it is possible to build a profile of a person on-line. As golf said, the true self will reveal over time.
It is an odd experience meeting an on-line poster in person for the first time. I find it hard to switch to the real name, which oddly depersonalizes the first conversation. It is hard to switch from ideas to interaction. I rush to fill in the gaps by reading facial expression and mannerism. It is as if I am intimate with a part of them and a complete stranger to other facets of their personality. Then we talk about mutual online personas, and we quickly connect again.
Because of past trauma, I have lost my ability to carry very many roles. WYSIWYG. In some ways, you guys see more of my genuine self. I am a hard-core geek with a large vocabulary. Using the full breadth of my language in real life loses me friends. I seem unapproachable. In real life I use words like kewl, neat, wow, and lots. That language sneaks on here, too, when I am feeling especially goofy.
Chat time became much richer when I started sharing the innuendo of my daily life. I think this is because people like to hear about real people and real lives. I practice good writing here, which includes revealing the genuine self. If people want to read about cardboard characters, they can pick up a Harlequin Romance. I think genuine people have a lot more fun here. I agree with Simon that the "players" are a vocal minority.
On a few points I agree with Hillary-Step. I do not hand over my friendship lightly to any stranger. I count as friends only those posters I have actually met. On a few occassions, a poster manages to unhinge me. When that happens, I realize I have become too involved. When that happens, I step away from the board for a few days.

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