More fun with witness urban myths.....

by integ 27 Replies latest jw friends

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  integ

  I have heard many urban myths associated with the Watchtower Society and its hapless adherents. I like the one where an "interested one" accepted the invitation to attend the memorial one year, and sat next to a "sister" who let the confused attendee use her bible to look up scriptures as they were presented. Afterword, the "sister" walked the man up to the Circuit Overseer, who had delivered the talk that year, and introduced the dupe-filled "study" to the CO. The CO complimented the man on his spiritual interest and asked what impelled him to come up and talk to him. The man replied; "the lady I was sitting with.....where did she go?" The CO, looking perplexed, said; "You came up to me alone...and I was wondering why there was an empty seat next to you during the meeting". The man obviously progressed in the truth and was baptized. Any other good ones to share????

  Integ.
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  integ

  ..here's another one:

  I heard that a smurf slowly walked out of the mens' restroom at a kingdom hall, and quietly took a seat and started looking up scriptures, then abruptly, and without cause or provocation, slowly walked toward the podium, wherein the speaker stopped in midsentance and told the smurf pointedly; "get the hell outta here!" Then the smurf said ; 'f-you buddy ' . Then the smurf ran up to the speaker and bit his crotch. The speaker started screaming in agony till the smurf finally let go. But not before taking a piece of the hapless speakers pants with him. As the smurf was walking back down the aisle, he started flipping off everybody, with a scowl on his face, and the fabric from the speakers pants still clenched tightly between his little smurf teeth. The smurf then turned around and ran at full speed toward the stage, spit the fabric out of his mouth, and started mercilessly kicking the fallen speaker in the groin. The smurf then grapped the microphone and attempted to give an impromptu bible reading, when the attendants finally decided to join the fray. The attendants were unable to grab the elusive smurf, who proceeded to run out of the hall. But not before stopping in the library to call for a taxi ride "home". Five minutes later, a carload of apostates came by and picked him up. The hall was never the same after that.

  Integ.
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  fleaman uk

  Lol.Ive heard variations of the second one...but not the first account!!
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  Honesty

  Our CO, Jesse C once told our congregation that he had personally talked with a Baptist pastor and the pastor told him that the JW's have the truth but his flock would leave him if he taught the same thing as the JW's. The CO got this one right. If I ever hear my Baptist pastor spewing WTS vomit out of his mouth I'm gonna 'Go to the House'.
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  tijkmo

  what about the story of the farmer who refused to let jws near his farm..threatened them with a shotgun so a witness pierced a tract onto the bulls horn in the field near the road...and the farmer and all his family came jws and he became ms elder co do gb....told at an assembly by bethel elder who got it from bored bethel boys who made it up to pass time travelling from ridgeway to printing place..had to be retracted when they confessed
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  loosie

  Now don't forget, the sister that was working the service territory alone when she went to this killer's house. Of course she didn't know he was a killer. He was going to shoot her when she came to the door. But he saw two big guys standing on each side of her. He decided not to shoot her. But those two big guys next to her were angels and they were protecting her.
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  the_classicist

  I remember one about 2 JWs preaching in an African village. Apparently there's a voodoo preist there who threatened to curse them if they entered the village. Well they said the magic, "Jehovah," passed by the voodoo guy and then he cursed them to die. But you see, the curse deflected off of them and killed the voodoo priest.

  Yeah.
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  the bandersnatch esq.

  I'd heard that one by Loosie quoted a lot throughout my childhood. My congregation was rife with them. One that always made me laugh was the one about a brother who went to the house of someone and told them all about how the UN was going to turn on religion. Apparently the householder said "Who told you that? I'm from the UN and we have plans to do that."
  
  
  I think later on the householder also gave positive proof that UFOs are demons, that the WTBS really is God's chosen representative, and God really did screw us all over in the Garden of Eden.
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  stevenyc

  This one I know is true. An elderly sister was on her way home when a tall handsom man stopped her an asked for direction to a particular location. She gave him the directions, somewhat complicated and he didn?t understand so she had to repeat them. He stood and chatted with her for a while before saying goodbye.
  When she got home she found that her house had be burgled by a notorious nasty guy. During the police interview she told the about this tall handsome stranger that had kept her talking, and that if that hadn?t occurred she would have interrupted that fiendish trespasser. When giving a description to the police, she recalled a peculiar thing about this stranger. He wasn?t wearing any shoes! The mysterious stranger was indeed an angel
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  marked

  Funny, I've heard subtle variations on most of the above.
  
  How about these:
  
  Someone started studying and learned that "fantasy" images were Daemo?, so she threw out a unicorn statue she kept in her closet ('cause we all know that horses born with cranial cornucopian sproutings are of The Devil). Anyway, the next day, it was STILL IN HER CLOSET.
  
  Or: A Witness once rented a VHS copy of Interview With The Vampire and tried to return it. The next day, It was STILL ON HIS COFFEE TABLE.
  
  Or: This one Aboriginal Canadian family (pagan/bad by default) living near my hometown in a house on an old burial ground were being pestered by a Daemon?. A Brother? came to their door and told them to write "Jehovah" on a piece of paper and tack it to their fridge. The next day, said poltergeist VANISHED.
  
  These stories used to fuel my faith. Now they make me laugh. Funny...
  
  marked