Are you my Daddy? (page 3)

outbutnotdown

PointBlank,

I think that was the one that Elsewhere posted earlier as well. I didn't know that a paternity test was that easy. It's good to know, since ensuring that my ex not know is a VERY important factor for me, because of the concerns I posted. Thanks, Else and PB.

May also very likely segregate her from her siblings. I've seen this and it's very, very sad - especially in pre-teen years.

Aude_Sapere,

I have considered this as well. If she is NOT my child, I will still raise her as my own. I will however ask the Judge to prevent my ex from saying anything to her (until it is necessary), to hopefully prevent this segregation.

The one reason why I want to know is that my ex has done enough crazy things, that if I don't "adopt" her as my own, that she may try to take her from me and her siblings, without consideration for her stability.

BUT ALWAYS PUT THIS CHILDS WELL BEING UP FRONT.

Outoftheorg,

I agree wholeheartedly. It is good that your "not finding out" worked out well for you and your family. The one difference that may warrant me doing things differently than you is that my ex does not have the "walk out on us" mentality. She has the "take all the kids that she can and run away so that they never get to see their father again mentality". I have won a few battles already to prevent this from happening. This is just another one that I am trying to prevent this worse-case scenario.

I compared my blood type to my parents to make sure it matched up. Your child could make a shocking discovery on his/her own.

Elsewhere,

See? That's one thing I hadn't thought of yet. Thanks!! IMO, it is ALWAYS better for the parents to tactfully reveal something big like that to their children, rather than leaving that to chance.

If you consider being a parent only a biological reality, go for the DNA test. If you are above that limitation, love her without conditions. That is real parentage.

Carmel,

Thanks for your assessment, but if you read the whole thread, you will see why it is not that cut-and-dried. I am above the "limitation" you speak of, I do and will "love her without conditions", but it is possible to do that and also realize that there are bigger reasons that a DNA test is still beneficial.

Thanks for all of your input so far. If you think of anything else, keep the suggestions coming.

Brad

unclebruce

If you consider being a parent only a biological reality, go for the DNA test. If you are above that limitation, love her without conditions. That is real parentage.
carmel

pst .. careful eli - dproper's out there looking fer 4 years in back payments an suffer'n fer that alien seed ya dropped on her. ..during that magic carpet / abduct an alien incident .. you're it bro! where can a bloke get a cigar arround here? at Kent's we had cigars

lonelysheep

That's something I would never say to my husband to piss him off...you just don't do that your man (I feel).

If she wasn't yours biologically, is that something you'd really want to know?? Would you be her daddy if dna came back negative?

Since the kids don't know anything, I hope you'll keep it that way.

outbutnotdown

If she wasn't yours biologically, is that something you'd really want to know?? Would you be her daddy if dna came back negative?

lonelysheep,

Regarding the first part of your question, I guess it is hard to understand unless you're in the middle of it. As much as I sympathize with the difficulties that are exclusive to women, the one thing you have in your favour is that you KNOW you are the mother. Men don't. Such is life.

In regards to the second part........ YES!!!!!!! Absolutely!!!!!! She is my daughter. I am her father.

Without anybody knowing my situation fully, I was asking these questions mostly to prevent my youngest daughter (who may not be mine, biologically) from being taken away from her three siblings and from me.

This has been a very interesting experience....... simply expressing my thoughts and getting back thoughts from so many loving people. It has convinced me what I have intuitively felt since I was very young: Who we become is 95% environment and 5% genetics. (I think 5% may be a little generous.)

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts/feelings. I think I have had a lot of positive affirmation regarding what I know I need to do.

Brad

mkr32208

Just read a case about this will have to see if I can find it... Father had paid support for 12 years or something like that got DNA test wasnt' the dad... Was allowed to stop paying support even though his name was on the BC was some sort of landmark case... I know thats not what you want to do (get out of support and daddy role) but it's an option I guess

If it was me I wouldnt' want to know... If one of my girls wasn't mine I would rather just raise her thinking she is if one day I found out different it wouldn't change a thing but I would not SEEK to find out...

justmy.02

calamityjane

Without anybody knowing my situation fully, I was asking these questions mostly to prevent my youngest daughter (who may not be mine, biologically) from being taken away from her three siblings and from me

Brad, why and how do you think your daughter would be taken away from her siblings.

LittleToe

I guess it depends on which is the most psychologically damaging to you - having a niggling doubt as to your child's parentage, or knowing clearly that your child is not your genetic offspring.

From what you've said, it doesn't matter to you, but I think the "doubt" would be irritating to me. However I'm not in your shoes. There is no doubt that either way you are clearly identifying her as your daughter

The point made about potentially a later medical intervention, is a good one. Add to that the trauma of your child potentially finding something out at a vulnerable time...

Meanwhile, I have to just comment and say that your "ex" seems a real piece of work

Good luck, whatever you decide.

outbutnotdown

Brad, why and how do you think your daughter would be taken away from her siblings.

calamityjane,

It's too long of a story to tell right now, but in short, my ex will do anything and has done just about everything to screw me over. The children are caught in the middle 98% of the time. From her history, I believe that if she found out, for example, that the biological father COULD step in and take our youngest away, she would take steps to make that happen. The negative impact it would have on our daughter would either be ignored or unrecognized. I'm not sure which and why, but my ex's history shows that to be true.

That's why the most important thing that I want to ensure is that my youngest of four children is GUARANTEED the stability that she now has in her family. I hope that explains it a bit.

LittleToe,

Meanwhile, I have to just comment and say that your "ex" seems a real piece of work

YUP!!! It's been one hell of a journey so far. Thanks for your concern, buddy.

Brad

calamityjane

that the biological father COULD step in and take our youngest away, she would take steps to make that happen

I find this hard to believe, that this would or could happen. First of all your name would be on your youngest daughter's birth certificate, right? Which means you are the named Dad. It would be very costly, if their was a biological father out there, other than yourself, to go through the legal system and first of all prove he is the father, secondly to go to court to get custody. Then your wife would also be faced with custody and support matters with him. Would she be prepared to go the distance on that aspect, or maybe she is on Legal Aid, and that would explain she wouldn't care how much it cost, because they would be footing her legal bill.

cj

outbutnotdown

cj,

Believe me, I never thought that she would have done the hundred or so other things that everybody here would shake their heads at.

or maybe she is on Legal Aid, and that would explain she wouldn't care how much it cost, because they would be footing her legal bill.

BINGO!! Of course she had to lie and tell them that I was abusive to her in order to get Legal Aid, but hey, what's one more lie.

Brad

Are you my Daddy?

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