Got Busted By Wife?She Said She Want Tell.(update) (page 5)

LDH

Did I tell y'all about my husband and daughter at the jazz concert last summer?

They were strolling around and he decided to buy a cigar, his once in a while treat. (2x year max)

She gave HIM hell, she gave the cigar booth men hell, and she was like me, a real pit-bull. The vendor tried to explain that it was 'something people only do once in a while as a special treat.'

So she reasoned with him, "Well, do you want someone to hurt your Dad once in a while?"

Ha ha she gave them all (four grown men) so much shit about it, he didn't even buy a cigar. The men at the vendor booth were just shaking their heads.

Now, I don't really care about it, as long as he doesn't try to kiss me. BUT she was only 10 and things are black and white at that age.

Lisa

PS TR the days of a quickie are going quickly. The bigger I get the slower I move, he he.

Big Jim

I need to bring this back to the top because I would appreciate more input please.

Thank's.

hippikon

Sorry Bad taste - I didn't read all the posts.

Deleted

larc

BigJim,

Regarding this condom thing, why don't you tell your wife that you will get a medical exam. When the results come back clean, maybe her parania will subside.

Why don't you take your wife out for kareoke on a nonmeeting night, so she can see that it is innocent fun.

I had to think about posting to your thread. It's hard to try and give advice without knowing what things were like before the smoking thing. If you have been inactive for a few years, you are probably in the same situation that I was in. I had never been a witness but I always allowed my ex freedom to practice her faith. I had no idea of the depth of the indoctrination she was under. We were married in 1972, therefore I had the privilage of witnessing the wonderfull spiritual food that was fed to the friends about bedroom activities, and still I complied with her wishes.

In retrospect, I can see now that we did not stand a chance. I had no idea of the wts's influence with me and my children. She was seldom invited to their gatherings. I can only imagine the pressure on her with respect to our children towing the line, etc. etc. The thing that we argued about the most was my fidelity. It was a constant struggle. She was always accusing me of cheating on her. I never did wonder(I must admit though that during the seventies the urge was very strong) but maybe I should have since in her eyes I was guilty.

I am probably losing the point that I am trying to make. If you left the religion five years ago, I can only imagine what your wife is being fed by everyone at the hall. They have such a warped view of the world. They seem to think that nobody of the world can be decent. We are all drunkards, fornicators, thieves, killers, drug addicts etc.

Only you know what kind of arguments you have had with your wife before she busted you. Since you love your wife, I think that you have to constantly reassure her that you do love her and you are not womanizing. You just don't believe that the fds is being truthfull and you would be glad to discuss this with her, in a calm manner, whenever she is ready for it.

I can tell you one thing for sure. They will allow her to leave you even though it is not scriptual. They have done it to many including me. In my case it appears that it was the fairly new crap about "Spiritual endangerment".

I am sorry to hear about your troubles. I hope that I did not add to them.

Kind regards,

68storm

Billygoat

BigJim,

Man oh man. I'm so sorry. Just keep in mind that most JW are not thinking for themselves. Someone else is doing it for them. So when she says those things, she is reacting out of what the WTS has taught her not what she has thought on her own. Be patient with her...I know...easier said than done.

Spousal smoking isn't grounds for a scriptural separation. But Blondie is right - that doesn't mean the elders will give her good Biblical counsel. They may even try to conjur up lies as they have in other situations we've heard about. Don't underestimate their determination!

Perhaps instead of being frustrated that you do the things she hates, she's actually feeling neglected? Maybe you could lay low for awhile on the smoking and pamper her/romance her/seduce her, she'll remember why she fell in love with you in the first place. I think taking her to karaoke so she sees it's really okay is a good idea. Maybe she just needs a little womanly (not necessarily sexual) attention. I just get the feeling that the smoking issue is just the tip of the iceberg. There is something deeper bothering her and she either doesn't know what it is or is not willing to share at this point.

There have been times in my relationship that I've felt very insecure and unhappy. The best thing that my boyfriend did was to just talk calmly and listen to me. He didn't always understand where I came from, but at least listening to what I had to say (without interrupting and trying to argue or fix it) did me worlds of good! It really made me think, "You know he's not perfect, but look at all his great qualities!" Maybe you could just sit down and listen to her heart?

But I highly recommend not threatening her with exposing "The Truth" to the kids. Threats come across as Devil's work. It'll just scare her off even quicker!

Just a few thoughts...

Billygoat

think41self

Big Jim,

I am sorry things have taken this turn. How awful!!

I agree with the thought that the smoking was just like the straw that broke the camels back with her. It sounds to me like she is just afraid, and as you know, scared people do NOT make rational decisions, so I would NOT use the kids as any kind of bargaining tool. I think it will backfire on you big time.

Speaking from a woman's perspective (which I can't help, ya know)
I would tend to agree that she is perhaps feeling neglected, and feels that you are drifting further apart. Any good witness is scared by this. And yes, they do believe that all "worldly" people are sinners just waiting for an opportunity. So, if you feel that there is something in this relationship to be salvaged, fight like hell for it man! Do some of the things together that you used to do when you dated...and yes, try to interest her in some activities that you are doing now, like the karaoke.

Just to play devil's advocate...many times when they do not have the religion holding them together, couples find that they really don't have that much in common. If she refuses your attempts to nurture the relationship...for instance INSISTING on believing you are being unfaithful...this is a pitiful attempt at controlling the situation. If she believes that you are capable of being unfaithful, it justifies her wanting to be apart from you, and makes it easier for her to make the decision. So if you are going to convince her otherwise, now may be your only chance. Good luck my friend, and keep us posted how things are going, ok?

Tracy

noidea

Hey Big J,
I am sorry about your tug-of-war.
A couple of years ago I found out that my inactive husband liked to use chewing tobacco (yuck) He said it was for his sinus LOL!
When I found out it made me feel that because I knew about it that I was just as guilty as he was. I got over it with time it was his own personal choice.
This is so new to her. She has probably been hoping you would one day change your mind and start back to the meetings. (living in dub wonderland)
With this new revelation of your smoking she may feel that all is hopeless, she may be pushing you away because she may feel that she has already lost you.
It may have also made her feel that if you will go as far as smoking that you would do anything. She has been conditioned that way. She could also in her own way be trying to punish you. (We women know how to hurt a guy, insist on him wearing a rubber that always does it)
Just let her know that even though you don't feel the same as she does about the org. that it has never changed the way you feel about her. If at all possible and it means that much to her think about quitting.
Whatever happens please don't use you kids as a pawn by telling them about the "untruth" it will only hurt you in the end and make you look bitter. All you can do for them is be there for them.
Best of luck! We will be thinking of you and hope all goes well.

SixofNine

Why not, out of pure unselfish love for her and your children, give up smoking?

It might go a long way to establishing some deservedly lost credibility.

By saying that, I don't mean that her escalating it to "he must be cheating" is reasonable, but still....it's not exactly what she signed up for, and it is not a sign of being a full grown adult in a relationship, especially since you had to hide it in the first place.

Farkel

BugEye/Data,

: No matter what anyone else says, feel free to continue that habit.

Eventually, all smokers quit the habit.

Farkel

Got Busted By Wife?She Said She Want Tell.(update)

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