Psychological Impact

individual

It is said by JWs that 'the truth' never leaves you. Even when you have broken free, you will still be haunted by it, watching the news just in case they were right.

Have any of you had these feelings? How long does it take to shake them? For me I doubted 'the truth' for the last couple of years before I left, but could not bring myself to break free because of fear. Even though I knew of the holes in their 607 BCE destruction of Jerusalem belief, the very foundation or cornerstone of their 1914 ideology, I still could not let go.

My wife handed in her letter of disassociation and it was only then that I could step back. I suffered from a period of almost grief, especially at Christmas feeling terribly guilty.

Now I feel let down by God - how could I have been so misled, being controlled by fear and guilt that the Society cleverly interweaves into its believers. "Your children will die if you leave - you are responsible for their spiritual welfare" was the popular response to my doubts. Accusations of thinking like an apostate, something all JWs are trained to fear as if the individual or that way of thinking was straight from the Devil himself, were also used against me. These are all very strong psychologically controlling devices.

It has taken a long time to break free and finally I don't fear for the future neither mine nor my families beyond the normal day to day problems. I can look at people, families in the street and no longer feel they are to be imminently to be destroyed.

Have others had the same intense feelings of fear, knowing something was wrong in what was being taught yet unable to leave? Are you still haunted by this?

Billygoat

Individual,

I've been out for 10 years. It took me a long time to even talk to God after my DF. If I did talk to Him it was me screaming insults and hatred to the heavens. I was angry and hurt for years. But I still continued to be successful in my "worldly" life - why I didn't know. I remember my parents telling me that Satan would give me whatever I wanted as long as I'd stay out of "The Truth". I struggled with that for years - I felt guilty for every little thing I did that did not coincide with the WTS. Little did I know that God really did love me unconditionally and was providing a wonderful life for his child - even though I was insulting him daily!

It took me years to even pray to God let alone step foot into a church. Now you're going to find some people on this board that are not religious, but they are very spiritual. Use their experience and knowledge! I feel extra blessed because not only have I found a church that helps me grow spiritually and loves me unconditionally - I have found a community of people on this board that understands my past like nobody else does!

As for today - my relationship with God has grown to the point where I don't feel haunted anymore. That's just happened in the past year or so. I really believe that He will take care of me and He treats me lovingly on a daily basis. If anyone feels that being a JW at some point in their life will NOT affect them - they are truly mistaken. Growing up a JW has profoundly affected my life - it was terribly hard, but now I see it as a blessing! I am thankful I am free, but it has profoundly affected me and hopefully the people around me. But yes, like you, it took a long, long, time to get over it.

Billygoat

Introspection

Been there myself, not anymore though. While I wasn't in as long as many were, (wasn't raised with it) one difference with me is that I didn't know about any resources such as this board until recently. I also didn't know about books like Crisis of Conscience until a few months ago.

"It is not so much that you use your mind wrongly--you usually don't use it at all. It uses you. This is the disease." -Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

mustang

1st, must be welcome to the board is in order, oh new one!!

As to your question, the news doesn't bother me. I can take it or laeve it. I ignore it for weeks at a time.

That is unlike, my father, the Rutherfordite. He requires 2 newspapers a day, the radio and TV on constantly and probably watches 5+ news shows a day. He has that eagle eye for 'news fulfilling prophecy' and called me to tell about it on any late-breaking occasion for 20+ years.

I find that having something to do (earn a living, interacting with real people and solving your own problems without making them someone else's) consumes enough time that I don't need such a hobby as his. Between being self-employed (under-employed) and retirement, Dad has had way too much time on his hands for 20+ years.

Yes, it took time for some of the other things to wear off. But, just relax and let the 'cares of living' (or whatever they call it now) consume you. Soon, you will have little time for those
'twinges' that you refer to. You could simply let materialism consume you. That will take care of it. Remember, fence-sitting is an honorable profession.

Mustang
Fence-sitter extraordinaire

Number 6

Hello individual.

Yes I am with you on this one.

I have been out just over 10 yrs. Up to about last year I still had doubts like: "What if it really is the truth?" and that old chestnut "Jehovah will deal with his organisation in his own time" referring to the imperfections of men I saw when still in. I lived in daily fear of my imminent demise at Jehovah's hand lest I return to the meetings and go out in the field service. It actually burns me up with anger now that even though i was out, I still wasted years living in fear.

Getting online, however, as well as reading COC, ISOCF and Apocalypse Delayed along with the many hours sat at the PC researching the Watchtower Doctrine has shown me how much time I wasted actually troubling myself thinking about it.

It is a tribute to Watchtower control methods that R&F members can still me mentally traumatised years after leaving.

What I find highly amusing now is that most Watchtower observers can anticipate the next move they will make in view of circumstancial necessity whilst the average faithful dubs stand in awe at the "wondrous revealed new light" that is the effect of the change.

Watchtower doctrine really is a pile of crap, I can't put it more bluntly than that.

6

I am not a dub I am a free man.
(The poster formerly known as "Mr. Angry")

individual

Oh dear....dare I admit that when I was a JW I too not only avidly watched the news but collected newspaper cuttings in abundance in the hope of finding a prophecy fulfilling item! I guess this is what the Society does to you - turns you into a sad person!

mustang

BTW, it really helped to remember the Elder from several congregations over who HAD A FULL COLLEGE EDUCATION. I recall that he wasn't struck by lightning, WHILE GIVING THE SUNDAY PUBLIC ADDRESS.
That goes for his son, who also 'went to university'. His son wasn't struck from the platform on those Sunday visits, either.

Some view of the 'politics' of things helped me realize that things
"weren't what they should be". I was a servant's son, knew all the others families & saw their dirty laundry, pioneered and was a servant myself. This was DECADES before the Internet, but the political view was an eye-opener.

Mustang

seven006

So long as the priest, that professional negator, slanderer and poisoner of life, is regarded as a superior type of human being, there cannot be any answer to the question: What is Truth?

-Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

I think everyone who is now an ex-JW has had those feelings you have mentioned. They eventually go away and things get a lot better. Life goes on.

Dave

conflicted

I had the same exact question when I first found this board. I was spending my life walking on eggshells for a "religion" that I had no intention of ever returning to. My problem (and possibly yours too) is that I felt that I had turned my back to God, and that every day I denounced the JDubs I was reconfirming my association with Satan.

I can tell you now - That is not the case. The WTBS is a cult - they are big, they are organized, they are powerful in their own minds, and they use that power to sap the will and spirit out of their desciples. You have to let it all go, I know how hard it is - I've been there. But I did it, and so can you - if you want to celebrate Christmas, do it, if you want to read a book or see a movie instead of spending every waking hour forcing literature on poeple who aren't going to read it anyway, go right ahead. Eventually you won't have that feeling that you are betraying anyone, and then you will be free. Do all those harmless things that you denied yourself for so long - go to Las Vegas and gamble a little, go to parties, have parties of your own. The point is to LIVE - you have been spiritually and socially restricted, now you have to readjust. That is what you are feeling - transition from one way of life to another, because being a JW is not just a religion, it's a way of life, they had an influence on your every action, thought and deed.

You have stood up to them and said "I'm not taking it any more!"

So, don't take it any more - live for yourself, live for your family, just live.

Good luck and best wishes to you and yours.

Free2Bme

Hi Individual,
I used to have a recurring nightmare where I was at work in a supermarket warehouse and pallets of baked beans came tumbling down on me at Armageddon. It was a combination of my end of the world fears and the real incident of a young man who was crushed to death by a pallet of goods where I worked.
The dream was VERY frightening.
Eventually I just got on with it and I suppose I believed I would one day go back to the truth. Then a couple of years ago after been out for 8 years I was introduced to information my brother had found on the internet.6 months ago I went on-line myself and I have never looked back.
Realising that it was all nonsense and in fact religion itself is nonsense and just a method of control was a great moment of liberty! I have made the decision that although I do not give God a name I do believe in Him and know He is there for us whatever mistakes we make. I feel sad I missed out on any contact with Him for 9 years because the WT society convinced me I was not worthy.
Yes it does cause psychological problems but human beings are capable of bouncing back and taking control of their lives and I feel I have done that at last and hope others who are struggling can find the way to do likewise.
It feels so good to be free doesn't it?

Free

Psychological Impact

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