Secret Posters Hedging Their Bets?

Englishman

Since I found sites like this on the internet I have been constantly amazed at the great number of people who post here and yet do this in secret.

So many people seem to be trapped in a situation where they desperately want to leave the JW religion behind. So many people seem to be unable to do so for fear of losing their families, fearing that a DA'ing or DF'ing decree will separate them from the people that they love. Some posters are even elders and ministerial servants.

So, can you guys tell me how you manage to lead a life that is so complex? It must be worse than being a spy in a foreign country, every move, every word having to be considered carefully?

Is it possible that this subterfuge is actually more damaging to your long term relationships than a dub DA'ing or DF'ing? Would it not be a tremendous relief to get it out in the open? How many posters, I wonder, really believe that the teachings of JW's are fairly OK, but have a quarrel with the WTBTS?

Sorry If I'm coming across as being critical, I don't mean to, but isn't it just possible that some of you guys are hedgeing your bets a little?

Just asking. I'm willing to be corrected.

Englishman.

..... fanaticism masquerading beneath a cloak of reasoned logic.

Kent

So many people seem to be trapped in a situation where they desperately want to leave the JW religion behind. So many people seem to be unable to do so for fear of losing their families, fearing that a DA'ing or DF'ing decree will seperate them from the people that they love. Some posters are even elders and ministerial servants.

An even better question, I feel, is this:

Is there a loss losing people who doesn't care about YOU - but care for an organization instead? Is there a loss losing people that "love you" on monday, and "hate you" on thuesday, just because some "loving friends" mada a decree telling your "friends and family" they shouldn't love you any more?

Wouldn't it - in reality - be better to get rid of such hypocrites?

Yakki Da

Kent

"The only difference between God and Adolf Hitler is that God is more proficient at genocide."

Daily News On The Watchtower and the Jehovah's Witnesses:
http://watchtower.observer.org

joelbear

I hedged my bets until I was 30. I stayed a witness even though I no longer believed in it because of family connections, friend connections and I would admit also on the off chance that I was wrong and they did have the truth.

I left when the price for staying became higher than the price for leaving. I would imagine that is what happens with most people. For instance, they make enough non witness friends that losing their witness friends becomes irrelevant. They discover a new spiritual path that enables them to leave the old one behind, etc.

Every decision in our life has a cost/benefit analysis to it. Most of these we make by rote (Stopping and looking both ways before crossing the street so we don't get smooshed). But we do it with every decision. Every decision we make costs us something. We each weigh whether the benefits of the action are worth it to us according to our own personalized value system.

hugs

Joel

Francois

Very good question Kent.

When I asked it of myself 25 years ago, the answer was that it was much better to get the hypocrites out in the open. And you know what? Those real friends I had in the Borg are still friends today. And I don't care about the others.

Francois

Where it is a duty to worship the Sun you can be sure that a study of the laws of heat is a crime.

Englishman

Joel Bear,

I agree. I had a ready made social scene in place before I received the big DF , looking back now, that was a vital factor in coping with this disgraceful and unscriptural policy.

There you have it all you fringers, get down the pub and make some new aquaintances!

Englishman.

..... fanaticism masquerading beneath a cloak of reasoned logic.

paulvarjak

I think one of the most damaging things is to leave before you're completely ready and wind up groveling to the elders to let you back in because you miss the relationships with friends and family. I did as Joel mentioned and cultivated close friends outside the org. before I left. They, and this board, were the things that got me through. It helped when I realized that the JW friends and family could never really know me even if I remained in the org. It's friendship and familial relations on thier own terms, and what kind or relationship is that anyway.

Still, it was a scary thing to jump into the deep end of the pool. Who knew I could swim so well?

Simon

Yes, for me the cost of bringing up my children as witnesses was a much worse thought than loosing my family. As most parents, I hate the thought of them suffering when they don't need to and I want them to have a happy, productive life. That kind-of rules out being a JW eh?

I agree that in the end, loosing the contact os a few small minded hypocrites is not a big price to pay. I don't really miss my mother or sisters at all that much. I did at first, but not anymore. I am glad I have a relationship with my father which I had been missing out on and my half-sister and her family that we're now getting to know.

Plus, I know that the friends I do have now are my friends and not just people in the same 'club'.

zev

englishman roared

Since I found sites like this on the internet I have been constantly amazed at the great number of people who post here and yet do this in secret.

ok, I fall into that catagory.

then you asked...

So, can you guys tell me how you manage to lead a life that is so complex? It must be worse than being a spy in a foreign country, every move, every word having to be considered carefully?

with extreme difficulty. having told my wife what i felt, some of what i knew, her reaction is if you don't one you cant have both. another words our relationship is based on pure dubdom. so if i want out, its out of my marriage and dubdom. ridiculous. absured.

and every word, action, must be watched ever so carefully. even if i'm surfing the net, i'm almost being watched over my shoulder as she doesn't trust me anymore, thinking that everything i've come to know has come from the net. well, that just isn't true. what i learned came from 2 great books, with the proof i needed to satisfy me. if it all came from the net, i'd have a reason to "doubt" what i would be reading. however after reading the "proof" and then seeing what i saw on the net, here, and in other places, all that it did was solidify everything.
you then pondered:...

Is it possible that this subterfuge is actually more damaging to your long term relationships than a dub DA'ing or DF'ing? Would it not be a tremendous relief to get it out in the open? How many posters, I wonder, really believe that the teachings of JW's are fairly OK, but have a quarrel with the WTBTS?

yes, ultimately, very damaging. at this point in my life, i see no other alternative however, than to continue in the subterfuge, and lead...ironically enough, a double life. the relief from getting it out in the open will come soon enough. but yes, i would find great relief in telling EVERY dub i know exactly how the wtbts has lied, and been deceiptful to them all these years. i believe some of the dubs teachings are ok, and even if a little off, acceptable. not all of them however. but my real problem is the wtbts, and the leadership. my belief has always been, lead by example. if we were to follow the example of the wtbts leaders, would not the majority be da'ed or df'ed as a result of following the "wonderfull" example they set forth? although imperfect, and i realize that fact, i have always expected more from a leadership claiming to be gods earthly channel for humankind. was i ever wrong.

there you have it my friend. your questions are valid. i'm not sure what "hedging your bets" means, but if thats what i'm doing, so be it.

have a pint on me, will ya?

Gramps
__
zev
Now feeling the pain of sitting on the pickets class.

chester

zev said

and every word, action, must be watched ever so carefully. even if i'm surfing the net, i'm almost being watched over my shoulder as she doesn't trust me anymore, thinking that everything i've come to know has come from the net. well, that just isn't true.

Zev,
That is exactly the same thing I am going through with my wife.

Chester

Englishman

Zev, Chester,

I do recall now that even when my first disastrous marriage was well over, my then wife was panick stricken at the thought of me leaving the JW's.

Interesting that most of the want-outs are males, is there something here that is terrifying the ladies, I wonder?

I'll respond in an hour or so, it's time for me pint!

Englishman.

..... fanaticism masquerading beneath a cloak of reasoned logic.

Secret Posters Hedging Their Bets?

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