BEW's ..........Irrational Thoughts (page 2)

LadyBug

Englishman thank you for your encouragement. One of my problems is I like to have all the answers to the questions I ask myself. And it frustrates the dickens out of me when I can't find the answers.

((((Sunchild))))Thank you too for your encouragement.

Is there any spiritual path you were curious about, but didn't dare explore while you were a JW? Here's your chance! Is there a certain philosophy that you've heard about, but don't know much about? You can read up on it now!

I have read so much, and researched so much over the last 5 years, and there is a philosophy that I have been persuing. And I will keep at it. I'm just glad I started exploring while I was a JW, I think that made it much easier for me.

I guess being brought up a witness (35 years) and having everything I ever believed in shattered into tiny pieces is not an easy feat.

Pathofthorns thank you too.

The difficult period is what follows when you feel there is no sure "anchor" in your life. The hard questions are those that question everything you felt so sure and confident in; God and the Bible.

Yes this is so true.

And it is good to have my husband taking the journey with me.

What you have said makes sense. Thanks for the encouragement.

Thank you all.
BEW

Seeker

{{{BEW}}}

Would it encourage you to know that I was at the exact same stage at the exact same time you are currently at? This is a normal step in the recovery process. It's not unlike other stressful changes a person can experience in life. You know how that can be, the denial, the pain, the anger, the resignation, the acceptance. It's a process, and it does get better.

The reason I wrote down my thoughts as I was preparing to leave is because I kept wavering in my mind. I kept rationalizing that things weren't as bad as I was making them out to be, etc. Then I would re-read my words and realize, yeah, they were that bad! So you can see my mental state at that time. Look at me know! (wait, maybe you don't want to use me as an example... <g>).

Anyway, it does get better, it's all normal, you will be fine -- no, you'll be happier than ever.

If you'd like to read that far-too-long document I put together way back when, here 'tis:

http://www.geocities.com/osarsif/seeker1.htm

lookingnow22

Just take it one day at a time, that's all I know.

Looking

LadyBug

(((((Tina)))))Thank you

Life decisions oftentimes are difficult,but those are the challenges that make us independent and contribute to our growth as whole autonomous humans.

You are right. I guess I wouldn't want it any other way really. Bumps and all. Well actually at the moment I could do with a few less bumps.

Btw I always enjoy our chats in live chat.

((((((Seeker))))))I appreciate your encouragement, thank you.

Would it encourage you to know that I was at the exact same stage at the exact same time you are currently at?

Yes it would. As much as I don't wish this on anyone, it gives me hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Anyway, it does get better, it's all normal, you will be fine -- no, you'll be happier than ever.

Makes me feel better.

I'm now going to read your document. And I'm getting to know you a little better from chat too.

looking - Your words are encouraging ...thank you.

BEW
Who's spirits are slowly lifting

TR

Hi BEW,

I try to use common sense now to guide my life. I seem to have take bits and pieces of ideas that work for me. Religion has no place in my life these days, but a strong ethical and moral standard guide me. It seems common sense to me.

I appreciate Kent's comments:

When you suddenly LEAVE the cult, there is nobody but you who must take responsibility of your own life. YOU will have to decide what to do and what not to do. YOU will have to answer for your own actions, and you can’t blame anyone else if something goes wrong.

TR

"I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every
form of tyranny over the mind of man." --Thomas Jefferson*

ladonna

Dear Liz,

I think most of us have been through a lot of pain whilst getting out of the WTBTS.
I left very young and feel I was spared to a degree. That is not to say I didn't suffer; I did as I believe you know, but I did not have deeply held beliefs in the WTBTS.

When I left....I literally ran away and never looked back. In doing so, despite the support I had to survive the exit, I discovered that I HAD to do it for myself and BY myself.
That is not to say that the support was not necessary or appreciated....I just learnt that I musn't lean on it.
I had to find my own set of life rules and become the best person for myself with my own set of values and beliefs. I could not afford to do it any other way.

I guess what I am saying is.......do what you can for yourself and rely on yourself to make you happy. Strangely enough.....it works a special magic on all around you.

I feel your anguish BEW......and I know you are a special lady.....look a little deeper and you may see her too.

Love,
Ana
XXX

LDH

I feel like my journey is not going anywhere at a rapid pace.

This reminds me of Martin Short's character or Saturday Night Live. (Ed Grimley) He used to say, "Dancing is like standing still. Only faster."

Anyhow BEW part of the fun is that now you don't have to identify yourself by the worth of your husband's role in the 'congregation.'

You might find keeping a journal helpful. I'm not much good at writing things down like that, but if you have that gift, use it.

You are a wonderful presence here on the board, you and Dave.

Love,
Lisa

LadyBug

Hi TR Thank you for your thoughts

"Religion has no place in my life these days"

I have come to that realisation myself. And those words of Kents struck a big cord with me too.

Hi ((((Ana)))) Thanks, I know you have not had an easy time either.

"I had to find my own set of life rules and become the best person for myself with my own set of values and beliefs. I could not afford to do it any other way."

This is what I am now doing and the road is a tough one. Its as Kent said

When you suddenly LEAVE the cult, there is nobody but you who must take responsibility of your own life. YOU will have to decide what to do and what not to do. YOU will have to answer for your own actions, and you can’t blame anyone else if something goes wrong.

Thank you for you kind words

"I feel your anguish BEW......and I know you are a special lady.....look a little deeper and you may see her too"

My love goes to you too.

Lisa Your encouragement is appreciated too.

"You might find keeping a journal helpful. I'm not much good at writing things down like that, but if you have that gift, use it."

You brought a big smile to my face, thanks. I hate writing things down too. It's definitely not one of my 'gifts', unfortunately. Often wished it was though.

Though I have to admit when I first left the borg 3 months ago, I found that by typing all of my thoughts, angers, and feelings and answers especially to what my mum has said to me over the years to 'encourage' me to stay in the 'truth' it did sort many things out for me.

"You are a wonderful presence here on the board, you and Dave."

Thank you...that made me feel good.

Thank you all

for your encouragement, thoughts and help. I can't express how happy I am to see how much people who I have never seen show me and others such love, tenderness and kindness, in a way that JW's never did. It warms my heart. I truly love you all.

BEW
Yes it is helping me greatly.

jezebel influence

Dear Bugeyes wife,
Thankyou for expressing alot of what I feel.

I am realising that just because I believe something doesnt make it true,so I take a chance.
There is two realities in my mind.
One of earth that has to work it out for itself,and I hope it does!And one of -what if I am wrong.And If thats the case,no matter how unfair God may kill my family in Armaggedon.

I hadnt been thinking these thoughts for a while untill I had a nightmare the other night that i looked out the window to see bombs exploding outside my window and i knew it was Armaggedon.
My first feelings were panic,thoughts of my babies and then the reality that it is out of my control.

People never raised in a cult never have this sort of anxiety.

I really dont know how to finish this off..except to say that I wish you the best and hope that we can learn to focus on the positives in life!
Thats what I am trying to do..

Cowboy

BEW,I'm sorry for your pain.Like Ladonna,I left fairly young and was never that strong anyway.I can only imagine your feelings on leaving the org.
Kind of like TR said-You take bits and pieces from here and there and slowly your beliefs will come together.
Mostly I just wanted to say that I admire both you and Bug Eye.Your posts have shown us kind,caring intelligent people-the sort of folks who'll weather the storm and come out stronger.
Remember no matter what you lose faith in,never,ever lose faith in yourself.

'Nuf said
Cowboy

BEW's ..........Irrational Thoughts

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