I had a text message from an ex last week, she wanted to meet to discuss some JW's she had met that were really nice people but wanted some advice.
So the other night I drove over to a town in the North West of England to meet her and a really bizarre story unfolded.
We shall call our heroine Julie who has recently moved into a new house along with her two children who we shall call Janet and John, both children are in their early teens, Julie is mid 30's.
Shortly after moving in a tall dark handsome window cleaner, also in his mid 30's, turns up and establishes a window cleaning round in the new estate. It is no surprise that the window cleaner turns out to be a JW. Soon the JW window cleaner who we shall call Bill is coming in for a cup of tea and a chat and Bill makes it clear that he is religious and does talk about the bible a lot. There appears to be some attraction between Bill who is single and Julie. From what Julie has explained she is not imagining this.
Weeks go by and one night Julie is in a bar in town with a friend when she sees, Bill and two other men in the same bar. They come over and spend the evening as a group. All three are JW's and it appears that one of the other men, we shall call Ben is the uncle of Bill. Ben is in his mid 40's and appears to be almost a father figure for Bill. Eventually Ben leaves and the two other men are left in the company of Julie and her friend. Bill and Julie end up dancing, and although there is some attraction Bill seems uncomfortable with this.
After this Ben always seems to be around when Bill is cleaning the windows at Julie's house. They have a cup of tea afterwards and the bible is discussed, although interestingly no literature has been left at this stage. Julie says that she finds some of the things they say patronising. Bill told her that it must be so difficult for her being a catholic. Now Julie is not a devout catholic, however she does believe, sometimes goes to church, is trying to bring up he children with some values. Julie mentions that she used to go out with someone who was a Witness and left (i.e. me), Bill almost freaks out and tells her that I obviously was weak and did not have the faith. (Bleeding Cheek !!!!) Ben seems quite calm about it.
During this time, Julie finds out a bit about Bill & Ben. They have been witnesses for around 16 years, Bill joined when he was 17 and is a virgin. Ben it appears joined around the same time around the time his marriage broke up. Ben appears to have some problem since then trusting women. Bill spends some time with her children and they like him.
One Sunday Julie was coming out of church with her mother and children. The church happens to be round the corner from the Kingdom Hall. The children see Bill coming out of the hall and they go over to talk to him. Ben is in the car and appears very uncomfortable with the situation. Ben practically ignores Julie except just as he is getting into the car with Ben, he says to Julie, "I shall be round to do your windows next week".
Julie is confused about all of this. On the one hand, Bill does appear attracted to her and there has been some very minor flirting. When he is not with Ben he is more relaxed and more himself. When Ben is around he appears much different. Also she says that some of the things they say and the incident outside the hall makes her feel guilty or worthless.
I explained to Julie that she should not feel that way, that they are the ones with the problem not her. I explained that for her coming over to speak to someone she knew in the street was totally normal behaviour. I then explained why Bill and Ben would have felt uncomfortable about it and explained the situation from a witness perspective. I explained to her what it means to be a witness and how rigid their rules are and how they seek to convert people. I also explained the situation surrounding dating from their perspective and some of the alternative aspects of their history. I was able to answer a number of Julie?s questions and concerns. I know Julie well and she does not wish to become a JW, she knows that it would be bad for her and that they would attempt to force her into the JW mould, which would destroy her. I have seen this situation happen myself in my old congregation and know exactly how this would pan out.
The plot then thickens. Julie sees Bill in town and there is some more flirting, it is clear that Bill is interested, yet confused by it.
Later Julie has a problem with her son, around 14 he has got into some bad company and she is worried about this. One afternoon Bill turns up to do the windows, chaperoned by Ben. She explains the problem with her son and Ben goes out to the car and comes back with two YPA books. Bill goes upstairs to 'talk' to her son John. Whilst Bill is upstairs, Ben gets the other book and starts showing Julie some of the chapters on dating and crushes. !!!!! Julie is clear exactly why he is showing her these things.
When Bill returns downstairs, Ben tells he that they love them all and want to help them. He invites them out for a meal this weekend, Bill, Ben, Julie and the two children. This is why Julie wanted to talk to me as she wishes to understand what is going on.
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My analysis of the situation.
From Bills perspective.
I believe that Bill is interested in Julie and (as I have been there myself) fantasises that Julie and her children will become JW's so that he can date her properly. At this stage he has probably convinced himself that there is nothing wrong in this and may have convinced himself that this is how it will work out and that he can resist temptation.
From Ben's perspective.
There is something about Julie?s description of Ben that convinces me he has some responsibility in the congregation, MS at least. He is clearly concerned for Bill as he is obviously developing a crush on Julie. Ben would hope that Julie at least can become an 'Interested Person" then it would not be so awkward if they are seen talking outside the KH. Ben would also like Julie to study and become a JW as it would defuse the danger with Bill, and also what a great 'experience from the platform' when he can demonstrate how Julie, a single mother who had turned to drugs (bit of pot) and was 'so much happier' since finding the 'Truth'.
From the Congregations Perspective.
If the reality of the situation got out it would create a scandal of epic proportions that Bill had a crush on one of his window cleaning clients, a single mother into drugs and a catholic, had been seen dancing with her in a bar.
From Julie?s Perspective.
Julie is attracted to Bill and is convinced that he is himself when not in Ben's company. She respects his religion and is not intending to corrupt him. She does not wish to become a JW, nor does she wish to 'rescue' Bill as she believes she may end up with someone different. I do not believe she knows exactly what to do yet, although I think she is coming to the conclusion that she should leave well alone. She would value them as friends.
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We talked about this for hours and I was able to answer many of her questions and I was able to get a very good picture of the situation. I do find it a little odd that they would invite her out for a meal and am unsure of the differing agenda's from Bill and Ben?s perspective.
Julie will keep me informed and it will be interesting to see how this one pans out.