In the early 80's a number of young people in the congregation got together each week to study their WT lesson together. It was stopped--danger of apostacy. Some apostacy at Bethel got started that way, you know!
eby
JW Kids
by patio34 20 Replies latest jw friends
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nojw86
Hi Patio, hoping for the best for your daughter, it isnt easy. I know our children missed out on so many activities, swimming at the Y and tennis etc, normal things for a child to grow on to maturity. After school projects, holiday activities it was so cruel for my daughter not to join in the fun, I am shocked to know she blames us for bringing her up in this cruel religion, Here she is in her thirties and angry for missing out on something that should have a positive part of normal growing up. Luv nojw
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willy_think
patio34, your first Al-Anon meeting. your bigest step to understanding. as far as the Catholic Church, you will find that the WTB&TS inc. never ever told you the truth about them. every thing you think you know about them you will find to have been half truths or lies.
the ideas and opinions expressed in this post do not necessiarly represent those of the WTB&TS inc. or any of it's subsidiary corporations.
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joelbear
Hi Patio,
I am also an Al Anon. I went to meetings every day for about 6 months, then tapered off to about 3 times a week for another year. It, simply said, saved my life. My father and my brother are my Al Anons and they drove me into the ground with their abuse while drunk or while needing a drink. My mom and I were the enablers, tiptoeing around them trying not to set them off or give them a reason to go out and get drunk. AAAACK!!! I was one sick puppy and still battle my old behaviors daily although they are more under control now.
When I was a kid I was lucky that I had 5 or 6 witness friends that did a lot together. We were a close knit group until we got to dating and courting age, then we split up and went in separate directions.
We had small get togethers almost always at our house. My mom made great cookies and we had some just wonderful times. Can't say that I was deprived in that area.
When I stayed in high school and expressed interest in college my friendships chilled. I caved in to this pressure and dropped my plans for college. I did a lot for friendship when I was younger.
hugs
Joel
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Billygoat
Acck! I've just recently found this web-site. What a wonderful feeling to converse with other ex-jw's! But I am also a grateful al-anon! I smile as I write this because I am surprised (again!) how God blesses me everyday with meeting people that KNOW and UNDERSTAND me - without knowing me!
I truly believe that if I were still pining to be a JW that I'd see nothing but the curses in my life. And realistically I do have some. But being out of the WTS has given me a new outlook. Yes, I have lost my family, childhood friends, and childhood for that matter. But today I have so many blessings! I have a great job, a wonderful circle of friends, a new church that loves me, and now new friends her on this board. It all depends on what you focus on.
Thank you all for sharing your hearts. God is good!
Billygoat
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LDH
Patio,
This topic always gets to me. I'd like to share an experience that I haven't shared so far (don't worry there's lots more, lol!)
When I was 24, I decided that the young people had no one to hang out with. I decided to host a rollerskating party at the rollerskating rink in my hometown. (rollerskating being one of the few activities that JW kids are allowed).
I was a single mother at that time, and working full time sometimes 50 hours a week.
I decided to speak with the owner, who agreed to close the rink on a Saturday afternoon. I agreed to pay a $250 facility charge, and he lowered the admission price from $6 to $2. I tried to get him to just take $500 and call it even but he thought he would make more money that way. It was fine with me, I figured JW pay $6 all the time so what's the big deal with paying $2?
I invited 300 people, and had the event catered with REAL food (not the chips and salsa that is common at JW gatherings). I paid for ALL of the food, and agreed to pay Mr. Reese $1 per head for soft drinks.
As you can see, I went to considerable expense.
In addition, I composed an invitation. Mailed them out (not distributed at the KH). Organized a group of 15-20 Ministerial Servants and Elders who agreed to chaperone the party.
On the invitation, I plainly stated that only those that received an invitation would be allowed into the Rink, and that if they wanted someone else to come along, it had to be cleared through me. I appointed a 'doorman' to check invitations. Everyone had a great time.
About one week after the party, I was invited into the Elder's room with one Elder in particular who I can't stand to this day, (B. Brig# --sorry for the side point but he was on the committee that d'd me, and one of his questions was "What color was the man you slept with?") and another elder who I really can't remember.
They unleased article after article on me about 'parties' and 'charging admission to a party' (yes there was a WT or Awake article--from like the 70's--could someone find it for me and paste it here?
There was a family in our congregation who was VERY POOR. They had received an invitation, almost a month prior. I spoke to this family several times to check and make sure they would be there, I really wanted the children to go. They assured me they would. (Mental instability in both parents as well.)
Apparently, they complained to the elders because 'they couldn't afford to go to a party where admission was being charged.' This was the accusation I was facing. Also, B. Brig#'s family didn't receive an invitation. This was the other charge I was facing, 'showing partiality.'
Well I let them have their say for a few minutes then I kicked some Elder Ass.
I told B. Brig# the reason his family wasn't invited was because I couldn't stand them! They were NOT overlooked, I didn't want them there. His wife always called my daughter EDOM (claiming it was a mispronunciation), and quite frankly I asked him name me one thing you or any member of your family has ever done for ANYONE in my family, that would obligate me to give you an invitation? He couldn't, and that made him angry.
As for the poor family, I was outraged. I informed the Elders that on MANY OCCASIONS that they were unaware of I had taken the children to buy clothes, shoes and school supplies along with giving them money where I could. (Remember I was a single parent) I had also given the mom and dad money on more than 10 occasions, when they had no gas or food in their house.
I wasn't really mad at them, like I said, there was some mental instability. The thing was, the elders took their complaints as gospel (knowing that they were just short of being troublemakers)and questioned me about something so petty.
Like I told the elders, the parents had asked me for money before. If they REALLY wanted to go to the party, they knew me well enough to tell me they couldn't afford the $10, and I would have paid it.
This is the reason that no one in the congregation will give parties for the young people--the unneccesary grief that they are put through even after all JW precautions have been put in place.
Talk about feeling beat down and discouraged, I never hosted another party. The young people talked about it for months, begging me to host another.
Thanks for letting me reminisce. [8>]
Lisa
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waiting
Hey Lisa,
This is the reason that no one in the congregation will give parties for the young people--the unneccesary grief that they are put through even after all JW precautions have been put in place.
My brother-in-law, about 25 years ago, chaperoned some teenagers to an amusement park. A couple of them got away from him and into some kind of minor trouble. He was an ms/elder - and was called before the elders for not being an adequate chaperone.
He swore he'd never help teenagers again - and he hasn't. Has had 3 kids of his own, 2 coming into teenage years. He's a typical tough elder. Thankfully, his wife's not.
Something that keeps coming through in so many of these posts is that people, parents, kids - try to associate, be normal, have some fun. But, oftentime, the elders & the WTBTS are not far behind squashing.
Larc made the point one time that the WTBTS religion is designed to be tough on kids. Make them the target in school, live in negativity, live in being different, strange. It's not all bad, but the negativity is so hard on some of the kids. And it's designed that way - that's what makes the WTBTS different than most other religions - it's designed to unnecessarily hurt kids.
hey nojw
I'm sorry your daughter blames you for her upbringing. I've talked to my kids about it (they left org. before I did), apologized that I didn't know better. They agreed there were things that they missed, and wished they'd had.
But......they brought out to me that they have a good work ethic, can sit in boring classes and not fall asleep, have hangovers and still keep their eyes focused, talk good doubletalk, and are not shy in talking to strangers - and can pick out good, sturdy, shoes.
Not bad, eh?
waiting
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patio34
Eby, NoJW, Willy, Lisa, Waiting, Billygoat, and Joel,
It seems that it was a pretty average experience to be isolated (Ray Franz brings that out so well in ISOCF).
Here's another point I just now realized from all your thoughtful posts: even if there is something arranged once in a while, there is nothing set up on a regular basis. What I mean is a regular group activity for all. Some churches, and secular groups, have regular get-togethers for all sorts of different interests.
So, even if some well-meaning ones try to be outreaching, it's scattered and, as has been brought out, liable to be dealt with severely.
Aren't we all glad to be out of prison? Hip-hip-hooray!!!
Waiting, LOL about the benefits to your kids. I particularly liked they learned to have hangovers and still stay focused and pick out sturdy shoes!
Pat
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lisaBObeesa
Hi Pat,
Just wanted to share that I am also a member of Al-anon. Although I am not a 'die hard member', I can also say this program saved my life. I don't go to meetings regularly (something about going to any type of 'meetings' regularly is impossible for me these days. Maybe it's because they are called 'meetings'?), and I don't follow all the unspoken 'rules', but as they say, I take what I like and leave the rest! Anyway, I learned a lot about ME from Al-anon. I learned what things are MY job and what things are not. I learned to have some peace in my life even if someone else in my life is spinning like a top! I also learned a lot form reading the AA book, especially the chapters 'To the Wives' and "How it Works".
REGARDING JW kids:
Growing up JW I learned the rules quick: NO FUN ALOWED! I swear that was the rule. We couldn't have a party because it could be 'dangerous'. We couldn't see a concert because it could be 'dangerous. We couldn't be in a club at school because it could be dangerous. Because you know, FUN can lead to other things, like JOY, or, God forbid, HAPPINESS. It was stupid. I had no respect for the rules, because they were stupid.
I would have been a perfect child for my parents if I had had a shred of freedom. But I turned to sneaking out of the house, and various other things that really WERE dangerous, just so I could have a social life and have some fun. My parents where soooo strict. Our hall was strict, too. Very few parties were ever put together for the teens. And when they where, someone always got into trouble for some stupid thing like 'dancing inappropriatly' or playing 'worldly music'. The following 6 months would be devoid of any social activities of any interest to us.
I had felt so guilty sneeking out of the house to see my friends. I took a course in Adolescent Development a few years ago and learned that teens NEED to be social, they NEED to be connected to various groups and activities, they NEED to make some of their own decisions....Now I realise that by sneeking out I was doing something I NEEDED to do to grow up (being social, making my own decisions, being connected to other groups). I feel sorry for the many JW kids who were kept in 'jail' for their teen years. They missed an important part of growing up. I used to feel guilty, but now I am glad I was a rebel!
Thanks for listening,
LisaBoBeesaPS sorry my spelling is so terrible.
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patio34
Hi Lisa,
Glad to meet you. I hope you have a long and happy friendship with all of us on the board!
Thanks for that perspective on growing up jw. We're all 'recovering jws' huh?
As for Al-Anon, it is hard to go to a 'meeting.' There are all kinds of words I've removed from my vocabulary too; like: encouraging, experience, comment, upbuilding, etc.
That is so true that when kids are denied normal socializing, they are apt to do things really dangerous, as you said. Just think if they were allowed to participate in sports and other normal kids' activities.
Oh, how I wish I'd done things differently!!
Pat