Once a cheater always a cheater?

Aalena

I caught my boyfriend of 8 years cheating on me about a month ago. He claims it is the only time he has ever cheated and he never thought he would ever cheat nor would he ever do it again. Some of my friends are upset at me saying I should have left him immeditately. I am confused as to whether I should have or not. I am not sure if I am allowing myself to believe a lie or if I am doing the right thing in continuing to try and work things out with him. The fact that I caught him cheating and lying to me makes me question if he is sorry he cheated or sorry he got caught cheating. There is no question as to if he cares about me- it's difficult for someone to be around you for 8 years and NOT care about you. What I question is if really loves me. Would someone truly be able to allow themselves to betray the person they claim to love most in the world? Or is simply a matter of respect? Does everoyne believe in the saying once a cheater always a cheater? Or has anyone had experiences of someone cheating on them but then going on to having a successful relationship with them?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts~

Lehaa

The decisions are totally up to you, not your friends. You need to really think as to wether you can trust him again. Also I would be looking at the underlying reasons as to why he cheated, and was it a once off thing or a continuing affair.

I know he was caught but was he going to tell you, he may have been trying to tell you but was scared of your reaction.

I gan give you a lot more incite into what he may be going through if you want to PM me. ( to personal to put on the board)

Inevitably it is your decision and all the advice in the world is not going to fix your relationship or make you able to trust him again.

StinkyPantz

I don't have any advice really, but I'd insist he got an AIDS test before I slept with him again.

Yerusalyim

People can change, I believe that...but it would be hard to trust him again....FULL BLOWN Sexually Transmitted Disease Test for both of you.

confusedjw

I suppose they call it the 7 year itch for a reason.

It's not automatic he's been cheating on you all along.

Picture yourself down the road married and with kids and think about whether you are okay with him or trust him.

Not very good advice, but it's about all you can do.

That and a pre-nup

wednesday

Totally agree with SP, get a HIV test.

Really, i have seen people tell others to "kick the bum out " or to the other extreme, the jws want u to make snap decisions and "forgive and forget." I'd take some time, find out what lead up to this happening. People can change, and some do not. If u can afford it, go see a couples therapist. They really can help. my hubby and I are seeing one now (not for adultry,but not saying it can't happen to anyone) the doc has helped us a lot to communicate.

so, my advice, don't make snap decisions, and think about seeing a marriage therapist.

best of luck to u,

weds

codeblue

Wow...sorry you are going thru this.

My first husband started cheating by the 2nd anniversary.......and he even cheated later with my best friend in the Truth(tm)....We divorced 3 weeks before our 20th anniversary.......He never stopped cheating! Four years after the divorce he married my study, whom he also worked with in the past...(hmmm...no coincidence here!!!)

Nobody ever told me to dump him....even at the end when I had the worst case scenario to find out about his cheating.....They supported me either way I chose...

So I will not tell you to dump him.

What is important here is YOU. How much do you value yourself?

I had low self esteem and that is the reason I put up with his cheating, because even though he said he "cared about me"...logically, when a person has an affair or affairs, they DON'T care about you. He didn't know what love is...love doesn't CHEAT.

Many times he was sorry he got CAUGHT....not what he did...

Good advise: get an HIV test and any sexually transmiited disease tests...............take care of yourself!!!

If you decide to continue the relationship, make it with mandatory counseling for BOTH of you....

Please feel free to pm me if you need to vent or talk further....I am here for you!!!

Codeblue

Doubtfully Yours

Aalena,

Once a cheater, always a cheater! It's just a matter of time 'til the next occurrence.

DY

Billygoat

I don't believe once a cheater always a cheater. Everyone is different. I cheated on my first marriage, never intending to do it. I just fell in love with a co-worker that I had more in common with than my spouse. It ultimately ended my marriage, but I was never the cheating type, nor am I today. People cheat for different reasons. Some people cheat out of boredom. Some cheat because they can't get enough sex. Some cheat because they've fallen out of love with their spouse. Others do it for attention. Cheating is usually the symptom of a larger problem. If you can find that out and fix it, you might be able to salvage the relationship. IF that's what you want. Don't worry about what your friends think. It's not their relationship.

SheilaM

It depends on how much he is willing to do to remedy your distrust of him...for me I don't think I could deal with someone that cheated on me at all.

Once a cheater always a cheater?

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