I got half custody!

outsmartthesystem

So it has been quite a while since I've last been on this site. The jist of my story is that about 5 years ago, I started a research journey that took me 2 1/2 years to complete. Against the advice of this board, I decided to show my wife because I mistakenly thought she valued truth. 3 short months later, I came home to an empty house and my kids were being used against me.

The divorce took nearly two years to complete, and I spent a LOT of $! But as of June 2014, I grabbed away 1/2 physical custody from my ex as well as maintained status quo regarding legal custody (religion/education/medical). I have since then, made a TON of progress in teaching my girls (now almost 8 and 6) TTATT. In fact, my plan is to let things ride for now while still documenting. One of the closing statements in my custody evaluation that was done was "this switch to 50/50 physical custody could be looked at as being transitional to the father having full custody if ***** does not change her alienating behavior".

I am making this post for several reasons:

1) I want to reach out to those on this site that encouraged me as I went through the lowest of the emotional times and those that gave me advice as well

2) I know that there are a lot of people out there that are or soon will be going through the same emotional custody battle I went through. I was lucky that I had some $ to fall back on.......but please let it be known that if you come to court prepared......you can probably make a heck of an impact on the judge WITHOUT spending tens of thousands of $ on lawyer fees. I did (spend that much) because I could.....and I wanted to make absolutely sure that I did everything in my power to gain as much time with my kids as possible. My kids are way more valuable than my money. I prepared a 100 page synopsis of the 9 areas of concern that a former JW faces in a custody battle and I gave it to my lawyer. From there, we whittled it down to a 12 page synopsis that was then given to the custody evaluator to explain our concerns. The 9 areas touched on range from medical concerns to the two witness rule......to fear of disfellowshipped ones.....to the theocratic warfare doctrine etc etc. Knowing it makes an impact on courts......I spent a lot of time discussing the role of alienation and how the lifestyle of JWs enables and feeds it. Anywho......I would be more than happy to share my research and synopsis to anyone who needs it. Feel free to PM me.

3) My girlfriend and I have also launched a new blog. It has 2 parts. Part one is designed to explain to NON JWs the beliefs and why current JWs react the way they do in certain situations. Part two is designed to dissect the FAQ section of the JW website. Please feel free to check it out. Do a search for jwfacepalm. I didn't want to make a link because I don't want for this to be considered "spam". I won't mention it again. Just trying to help others

This cult has begun it's long. slow death. And I am glad to be young enough to watch it unfold!

Best regards

Clint

cofty

Thanks for the update. I am delighted for you that your hard work has payed off.

I would be more than happy to share my research and synopsis to anyone who needs it. Feel free to PM me.

I think that research could be really useful to others.

Crazyguy

It would be great to mention how you were able to wake up your kids. I'm still in but don't go to meetings but my wife is 100% in and takes the kids every meeting. Strategies on wakening up kids would be helpful.

outsmartthesystem

My youngest was/has been easiest. She doesn't like going to the kingdom hall......isn't affected by guilt trips.....and wants to be accepted and normal. Simply offering her the ability to be normal is all it takes with her. Like having a birthday party.....or giving Xmas presents.....or having friends she actually likes!

My oldest is my concern. She has a heart of gold and wears her passion and heart on her sleeve. Unfortunately, children that are that passionate are also the ones that turn into suicide bombers given the proper amout of indoctrination and propaganda. She wants to make others happy. She will do anything to make her nana and grampa and mom happy and they have no trouble telling her that "obeying Jehovah" is the only thing that will work. I won't do that to her. I try to answer questions honestly when she asks, but I try to live by example. No pressure. No badgering. No mud slinging. My hope is that she will eventually choose the house that doesn't have conditional love and crushing expectations.

There is no set rulebook to follow. Each child is different. My oldest is mature way beyond her years. I have discussions with her that most people don't have with a 12 year old. For my oldest....I just ask questions. If she tells me birthdays are bad because it is selfish to have a day that is all about you......I'll ask her if it is ok to have a graduation party because that day is all about you too. If she says that Jehovah doesn't like birthdays, I'll ask her why JWs have baby showers. I will flat out ask "at a baby shower.....what are you celebrating?" So Jehovah likes the births of children.....just not the anniversaries of those births? Etc.

Encourage thinking. Encourage thinking. Encourage thinking

outsmartthesystem

Me too Cofty. It took me a LONG time to compile it. But that's also why it is free to anyone that needs it

millie210

Dear Clint,

My children are grown but I just wanted to stop in and say that you sound like an awesome father and I think you will be just as successful in helping your daughters to have a full life as you have been in your court struggles.

You have a wonderful life story!

Millie

AudeSapere

Thanks for sharing this. I remember you from back then. It's always so nice to get the epilogue to the story.

[Edited: I see that you already offered to share the document(s). Thank you!]

-Aude.

outsmartthesystem

More than happy to aude. What's ur email?

AudeSapere

@outsmartthesystem - I just sent you a pm. Thanks!

-Aude.

GrreatTeacher

Congratulations on you custody win. It seems the courts really have a problem with alienating behavior. I'm sure you are documenting all overt examples. But, what about covert alienating behaviors? Do you think this has just driven your ex wife's behavior underground?

I'm glad you have had good success with your youngest and hope your oldest makes great strides soon, too.

I got half custody!

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