The Watchtower guilt machine is indeed a powerful tool

by Nocturne 38 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Nocturne

  I haven't posted as much here as I've wanted these past few weeks, but I've spent most of my time lurking here, or in chat. For the last few 2 months roughly, every meeting I attended became extremely painful to endure, such that I would come up with excuses to miss as many as possible. But there are 2 events that really gave me a swift kick to wake me up and realize that things had to change.

  First, I attended a witness get-together and had the absolute worst time of my life there, and it made me look back on my life and realize that I couldn't keep on living like this. The second thing was at the TMS/Service meeting a few weeks ago. For the first part of the school, they had a talk about how to breathe properly to take full advantage of your vocal chords and creating a good sound when speaking, which in my mind was beyond ridiculous. Then for the service school, they had a demonstration on the new book for children (I think it's called "Learn from the Great Teacher" or something like that). I knew this before, but at that moment it truly hit me that this was indeed a book publishing corporation. There was no mention of the Bible or anything...just trying to sell the book to people.

  So that's where I decided that enough was enough, and I told my mom I no longer was going to be a JW. It was easily the most difficult thing I've ever had to do, but it was also the most amount of pain I had ever inflicted on someone. And truly I realized at that moment how guilt controls everything in the borg. Of course, every parent who has a child that leaves the organization will start questioning their own parenting skills, they start feeling like they didn't do enough, that somehow they failed god. You start hearing things like "I should have encouraged you more to go to Bethel" and other things like that.

  Then, guilt is inflicted on the individual who decides to leave. I was told my decision was going to dissapoint my friends, and the rest of the congregation, and also god. I was also told by my mom "how could you do this to me?". I was made to feel that by leaving, I was the one abandonning my friends and family behind, like all of this was my fault. The JWs always have to find something else to blame, it's either I wasn't studying enough, or Satan has poisoned my mind, or I've just become discouraged. The wts has cleverly shifted all the attention away from them, and the problems they cause to those who decide to leave by pointing out faults in individuals who decide to leave. Anyone who even says the problem is with the organization get quickly told that they need to readjust their thinking.

  Eventhough it has been a few days since I officially stated my position, I still feel guilty about it. Don't get me wrong...I know in my heart that it was the right thing to do, and I never will go back, I can't help this bad feeling I have. Today, most of my thoughts hovered around my friends that I will probably never see again, and how empty of a feeling I have inside of me because of that.

  That was just my rant for the day....I would also like to take this chance to thank everyone on this forum, for all the support, and the great advice that goes around. I've said this so many times before, but this place is truly great, and I'm glad I was able to find it.

  Nocturne
• 

  SwordOfJah

  Mom is right, but you don't want to hear that, that's why your come here to vent your frustrations and take away your own responsability.
• 

  Satanus

  Wow, that's amazing, nocturn. Wt guilt does take time to wash off, even w deprogramming.

  SS
• 

  Shutterbug

  Mom is right, but you don't want to hear that, that's why your come here to vent your frustrations and take away your own responsability

  Well, well, sword of jah has popped out of the woodwork, himself laying on a guilt trip. Just for the record nocturne did take responsibility and met it head on, no pussy footing around, unlike yourself who cowardly strikes and runs before anyone can show the weakness of your argument. Of course this brings up the question of why you are here in the first place. bug
• 

  itsallgoodnow

  Wow, I'm sorry you are going through all that. The guilt thing is difficult for me, too. They play such nasty head games on everyone. That's really all they have, isn't it? Well, now that you aren't exposing yourself to their crazy talk, you'll probably get past all of this before too long, and hopefully then you won't be so bothered by it.

  Hang in there!
• 

  Markfromcali

  This may help with the guilt, lets look at what it is. Basically it is a codependent dynamic, being a JW tends to imply you are enmeshed in that whole social system, as opposed to a healthy kind of unity where one is both an autonomous individual as well as part of the group.

  The key thing to remember is there is no intelligence in the thing, there is just all this emotional stickiness. Therefore there is no reason for the guilt other than the sticky attachments, its just because you are a part of the group. Its a dysfunctional mindset that causes it all.
• 

  Bubbamar

  What a brave move Nocturne!!! I imagine you are experiencing a lot of feelings about your choice. You will have to deal with a lot of losses and will also have an exciting new life to create for yourself!

  If I had it to do all over again I think I would have avoided being DF'ed. I think I would have just faded away like my sister did. She moved to another state and dropped out. That seems to be an easier way - being DF'ed is an ongoing painful situation. But I do not regret leaving that cult. And I applaud your decision!
• 

  95stormfront

  As usual, SOJ's comment proves that if the WT comes to an emergency stop, most JWs heads would be firmly planted in the publishing corporation's a$$.

  Of course, every parent who has a child that leaves the organization will start questioning their own parenting skills, they start feeling like they didn't do enough, that somehow they failed god. You start hearing things like "I should have encouraged you more to go to Bethel" and other things like that.

  Oh...you are so right. One of our kids recently let it be known that there would be no way they would go back to the meetings and the wife was depressed about it for weeks. All I heard all day long was "what did I do wrong......we should've studied more.......went out in service more......had a family study.......I'm the spiritual head of this house and I failed......you don't believe anymore so you I don't expect you to understand" garbage. She was so overcome with guilt that it became nauseating to be around her.

  Then, she got mad at me because I wouldn't wallow in the guilt with her.

  No way......

  Then, guilt is inflicted on the individual who decides to leave. I was told my decision was going to dissapoint my friends, and the rest of the congregation, and also god. I was also told by my mom "how could you do this to me?". I was made to feel that by leaving, I was the one abandonning my friends and family behind, like all of this was my fault.

  Errrrrrrr.......

  I don't know if I can be sure that these people are not clones of my wife.

  The wife did the exact same thing, ragging the kid about how much this was goonna hurt everyone, Jehovah, and that they know it's the "truth", and how could they even think of "leaving Jehovah".

  What a crock.

  The whole time I was thinking, I could care less, their adult and know they're going to have to live with the decisions they make.....why should this be any concern of mine. they're supporting themselves and they're out of the house. I don't see the problem.

  The wts has cleverly shifted all the attention away from them, and the problems they cause to those who decide to leave by pointing out faults in individuals who decide to leave. Anyone who even says the problem is with the organization get quickly told that they need to readjust their thinking.

  And they perpetuate this mindset over and over with each other and willingly submit to this brainwashing through the 5 meetings a week they spend at the KH. There is never a problem to be found with the organization or what it teach's, the problem will always lie with the person leaving...usually they've haven't "done enough".

  My suggestion to you, my friend, is find a hobby, find something you like to do, and get busy doing it, dont' let anyone or anything get in your way. those WT enhanced "guilt triggers" lie deep and can crush you if you let them.

  My hobby, I can't reveal because it'll blow my identity out the water, put me in touch with like minded people I've come to call real friends.....not the fakeries that come with associating at a KH. And when the brothers found out what my new hobby was, they came by to talk with me and get information about it and I could see that they were literally green with envy.

  All I really know and can be absolutely sure of in this life is that one day I'm gonna die. In the meantime, I plan on getting as much out of this life as I can and not be stifled by anyone, especially a pseudo-religious book publishing corporation.
• 

  bebu

  ((((Nocturne))))

  False guilt feels like real guilt does, only thing is, it is not stemming from doing anything morally wrong. The guilt trip they lay on you has everything to do with disappointing them. These feelings will fade, because you are doing what you know is right.

  My hat is off to you. You are a very brave person.

  bebu
• 

  Nocturne

  Thanks for all the great advice given here. It has been like a roller coaster ride, at first I felt this huge relief since this heavy load had been taken off my shoulders. Then a little guilt because of the events that unfolded, and today it was sadness for the friendships lost. But definitely you guys are right, if I get my mind preocuppied with something like a hobby, I won't have time to dwell on the negative feelings.

  Mom is right, but you don't want to hear that, that's why your come here to vent your frustrations and take away your own responsability.

  Dude, maybe you should listen to what "Mother" tells you to do by avoiding websites such as this one like the society tells you to do. Then again your presence here clearly shows that you think you know better then "Mother", and I'm pretty sure your elders wouldn't be too happy with you spending your time here...then again, you probably didn't want to hear that. Why don't you just run back to your elders and confess that you were here despite many warnings by "Mother" not to do so, and maybe, if you're lucky they will grant you forgiveness...how's that for taking responsibility for your actions!