The fear returns

Purza

So my daughter (14 y/o and I will call her R) finds out some girl at school is a JW. So R approaches her and tells her that she "used to be a witness". The girl was very friendly and told R about the convention this past weekend. R said she remembers going to them, blah, blah, blah. Then the girl says "if you ever want to go back to meetings, just let me know". R says "sure" (while rolling her eyes).

R tells me this at dinner tonight. I wondered why she had to say anything, but whatever.

Fast forward 30 minutes and the phone rings (R is not home). And this girl says "hi my name is M and I am one of R's friends". I said R is not here now but will be back in an hour. The girl says to me "I know you guys used to be JWs -- what hall did you go to?" At this point I am FUMING. How dare she ask me this. I told her that I am not from the area and that we went to a hall somewhere else and that I have no desire to go back. She said "well R said she might want to go to the meeting with me" (R never said that). I said "look, I am not disfellowshipped or anything and I really do not want to be a part of the JWs -- if R wants to go then she can, but just leave me out of it.

Why am I so riled up? Well, how did she get my number for one? Does she know where we live? Does she know my first name? And I would bet she is the daughter of an elder/pioneer couple (okay I am ASSuming this, but she was just so perky). Does that mean my name is on the radar screen that is shared with hundreds of elders across the state? Am I paranoid? Yes. Am I fearful? Yes. I admit it. I just want to be left alone. I am pretty pissed right now that my daughter had to open this can of worms.

Purza (hoping this will blow over quickly).

kls

Well she could of got your phone num. from your daughter or a school directory or someone at school gave it to her. Let you daughter know under no circumstance a any jws ever to contact you again, and as for your daughter i think she needs the jw talk as to what they really are. I would also be fuming, trying to leave this behind you and have some kid bring up the past and try to recruit your daughter.

Purza

Thanks KLS. I thought my daughter was totally opposed to the religion, but the fact that she felt compelled to bring it up to this girl worries me. Perhaps she has a slight interest. I am waiting for her to get home so we can "talk" about this whole thing.

Purza

AuntieJane

Purza, This may not be a connection, but I have a 16 year old young friend who left the JWs with her family at age 12.

She has seemed to enjoy birthdays and other such celebrations to the hilt. However, recently a "friend" has encouraged her

to come study at the KH. I realize this girl has been taught nothing, absolutely nothing, other than JW teachings. When they

left they left. Period. Did not attend anywhere else. She is questioning God, etc. and hears kids at school talk about their religions and feels left out. Could this be similar to your daugher's experience? If so, I strongly suggest that you sit down and talk with her, even show her Christian websites that she can learn from, etc. Read and look things up together. Kids need guidance, esp at times like this.

Just a possibility....Good luck to you and your daughter!

bebu

I wouldn't be too surprised or upset by your daughter's actions. Maybe you had plans in your head about how everything was going to be handled, but it's likely that your daughter didn't know them. In her mind, she was simply having a conversation; she isn't walking on eggshells like you are, apparently.

Also, realize that the JW girlfriend is probably excited to see someone whom she could be allowed to associate with. This girl probably isn't trying to cause trouble. How many JWs are in her school?

I guess you will need to talk it over with your daughter about the pros and cons of letting folks know you are fading JWs. The pros include taking away power from the WT over your life and not living in secret. The cons include the loss of a lot of relationships, of course.

It's a tough choice. I'm sorry that you are in such a hard place right now; but then, this kind of situation is created by groups that are evil.

bebu

cypher50

I think that many times we have a tendency to make a situation more dramatic then need be...I am not being insensitive or making light of your situation but instead trying to maybe come out with another point-of-view:

It just seems that this girl at school just got too excited that she met another person even involved with JWs. I remember when I went to school that even finding an ex-witness who might be a potential friend was great because I didn't have anyone else at school to talk with. Also, remember that many younger JWs are sorta in a time warp regarding privacy & such...she might not of even thought that it is rude to look up someone's phone number and call them because she figured that a fellow JW wouldn't mind a call.

Remember, most of us here (as former witnesses) see the Watchtower Bible & Tract Society for what it is but the vast majority of actual JWs don't...including the younger teens most of all. If the girl calls again then be polite...don't make an enemy out of her because she isn't. She is just misdirected, that is all...now, make sure your own child knows about all the tricks that the Witnesses might use. But don't alienate the JW girl...who knows, if she sees that not all ex-JWs are evil "worldy" people then she might be more open to you then you would think.

zugzwang

I agree with AuntieJane. You need to fill the void. A vacuum produces suction and if you don't fill that vacuum with something else she is likely to get sucked back in the black hole of the Borg. Remember resistance is not futile. But you may need to work even harder to help those you love who may be easier targets for the Borg. As far as your paranoia is concerned I would say you are probably right. We witnesses were programmed to believe that we had the right to be in everyone else's business. If the other girls parents are active, elder or pioneer types, then I would tread very carefully. They will definitely consider it their business who you are and where you come from and why you are no longer attending. After all it's Jehovah who's using them right? (That's what they're thinking anyway) Just remember, no one can make you go back and they can't disfellowship you just because you no longer attend the meetings or go in service. So don't get too paranoid but don't be surprised if one morning some bright eyed bushy tailed Borg members show up at your door. Learn a little bit of Korean or something and just tell them you don't speak english. If it's too much work then they'll go away.

zugz

Cassiline

R tells me this at dinner tonight. I wondered why she had to say anything, but whatever.

I believe it was just a common bond for your daughter to bring up to comment on. I would not worry too much over it. Anything that may bring two teens is a reason for discussion. Perhaps the other girl may question why your daughter was a JW and she may find the truth about the "truth"(tm) . It may be good for her.

Hugs, try not to worry..

Cassi

garybuss

I did not resist when my son started to attend meetings again at age 14. He is still there 15 years later.

confusedjw

Next Service Meeting Interview:

Bro: We'll now hear from a young sister who is reaching out in her own private territory - school. Sister M, how have you been trying to expand your ministry?

Sis M. : Well Bro Elder I've been praying for more opportunities and just this week Jehovah answered them. I was approached by a young girl who used to go to meetings, but her family fell away.

Bro: What are your plans in encouraging her?

Sis M: Well after consulting the Index I think I'm going to use the Reasoning Book and Young People Ask to get her talking about some of this issues we face at school and perhaps why they stopped coming. I spoke to her Mother and she definately isn't interested she said, but gave me permission to talk to her daughter.

Bro: Well done sister M and as we know where there is life there is hope. And we'll make some plans to call on the family and see if we can see the Hand of Jehovah in this. Thank you for being such a fine example for young people in our Hall.

Sis M: Beaming from ear to ear so happy and humble to be in Jehovah's service.

(R - you have made her day)

The fear returns

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