My Son is starting to hit problems with JW Mother.

by AlanB 13 Replies latest jw friends

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  4JWY

  AlanB:

  My heart goes out to you. I had done all the same - cancel kid's plans, intercept calls, stick in the video ( BTW, that video is ridiculous!)

  All I can say is that my son's health and life was saved at 15 years old when we finally allowed him to be his own person, listen to himself, develop his talents and skills, and most importantly, separate from the cult we had raised him in. I would assist any young person to learn the real truth about the JW's and escape. I know it is a difficult path for you in your situation and I wish you the best.

  4JWY
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  Eyebrow2

  Here is what I would do:

  Be honest. I don't think it would be wrong for you to tell him that you do not agree with his mother. However, at the same time, tell him that since he is living iwht her, that perhaps he should respect her wishes.

  If you do get him on the weekends or other times, if you feel free to do so, invite one of his "worldly" friends to do something with him and you.

  He is upset, and I don't blame him, but you are right to be concerned about this becoming a bigger issues than it is.

  I would also praise him if he is not trying to sneak around his mother, and let him know to always be honest with you about whom he is with, etc....

  I agree with others her who say that if he is at a point where he can chose to live with you, then let him, so he can live a more normal life. But if that does happen, please make sure you encourage his relationship with his mother. If he lives with you he won't have to go to the Hall, so many that will help his relationship with his mother, because it is, after all, biblically the father's responsibility to make the children go, so that would be one burden off her shoulders she can stop worrying about.
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  drawcad_1

  I hope that you are in a situation that would allow you to let your son become himself, and make his own mistakes. No matter how many warnings we recieve from parents, or cults, we all go out to make those mistakes on our own. If your son remains sheltered at a youthfull age he may decide to act out as a young adult, or he may just remain in the cult forever and never learn any life siuations. Of course, this all takes the position that going out skateboarding with his friends will lead to fornication and drug abuse as we are all taught. The best thing that could happen is that he will go out and have a good time with friends.
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  AlanB

  Thanks for your comments,

  The counter indoctrination is a difficult one.

  I feel that the direct approach, ie telling them all about the various prophetic failures, scandles, doctrinal issues, child abuse etc etc etc, might backfire in that if they have been warned that I may take that approach and may be on guard. I prefer to take a more subtle approach. In addition if I was caught in the act of blatant Apostacy they may attempt to DF me, which might cause the boys some problems.

  I have told them that I do not mind if they choose to be JW's when they grow up as long as they have come to the decision themselves. In the meantime I expose them to many different aspects of life, travel, adventures, camping & skiing trips with my friends (so they can see that 'worldly' people are not evil).

  They often tell me things that bother them about, for example, they hate going on the ministry, they do not like being controlled, and I use these occaisions to talk to them. Occaisionally I slip in the odd issue or ask them questions, such as, 'who is the king of the north now that the eastern block has fallen?', 'Do witnesses still believe that Armageddon will come before the generation that saw 1914 passed away?', 'Is it true that Witnesses are now allowed to Vote, with references to Malawi?'

  They are bright boys and I feel that this way, I am not telling them, rather raising questions in their minds will be more effective.

  Perhaps I could put more thought into this, for example I could research the WT article for Sunday and ask questions, or slip in the odd comment related to the article on the Saturday, this way their conclusion will be fresh in their minds when they hear the 'New Light' the following morning.

  My younger son a few years ago told me that he did not think he would be a JW when he grew up. His reasoning was based on an incident when I gave them some books, (entirely suitable books for children) when they returned home the books were not even allowed in the house, the reasoning being that as the books had been in my home, they may be possessed by Demons. (True Story) The boys thought the whole incident was in their words, 'rediculous'. Another home goal from Witness Mother.

  A