An Interview With Lady Lee (page 5)

wednesday

someone once told me years ago it woud take a team of psychiatrists working 24/7 to figure out what was wrong wth me. Of course they meant it as an insult, but really it has taken years to work through the layers of abuse i have been through.., first i had to learn to recognize abuse. . Abuse really does a number on u. esp if u do not realize u have been abused. My psychologist literally saved my life .I am so grateful somoene has the patience to help others like this. It is a true gift.

Lady Lee

That is an excellent question

When I first started counseling others I was still in the process of dealing with some of my own issues. (This isn't a good idea and you will see why) People would bring up an problem or issue they were having and it would not trigger me but rather I found that my usual intuition on what to say would be missing.. I would have to search my mind for the book answer. Now while that isn't a bad thing to rely on the book answer in the feild of abuse and trauma in the early years there weren't a lot of books to get the answers from. It definitely made my work harder.

If I have dealt with the issue I seem to have a better idea what direction to go or what questions to ask to help the person deal with the issue in their way. We aren't all alike and even though we may have very simialr experiences we do react differently so I know I have to listen to their story. One example of this was a woman who was relating one event. it was so similar to mine my mind kept saying "YEs I know what comes next". But I didn't say anything to her - just listened. Well it turns our our endings were totally different. That was a good lesson for me and I sure remember the value of being "with the client" instead of being with my experience.

Another time I was working with a young man who had been seeing another therapist for group work. He quit the group or rather the therapist quit the group when one day the therapist got triggered and started sobbing in the group and the group members had to comfort him and help him deal with something that had happened to him that he had not dealt with. One very good reason to interview the therapist before you start working with them.

I remember too how a few years ago I had dealt with all the sexual abuse frommm the men in my life but had not really dealt with any of the issues around my mother and her abuse and neglect. I had a huge problem helping one woman deal with those problems. Now I think I could do a much better job with that issue.

Certainly the more work I do on me the better I can be as a therapist to others.

Now when something does get triggered it is more like a remembering rather than a real trigger that takes me back. I think I have enough tools to be able to deal with issues that do arise pretty quickly.

Lady Lee

Kate Kate Kate

what a wise lady you are. I like that saying too. So often we wind up reliving the past or searching for a way to get to the future (if we even see a future). Enjoying those moments of now that are peaceful are so important to continuing the work and realizing that it can get better.

I really like the analogy of the onion being peeled. We have no idea what those layers contain.

And I too believe that each person has the tools within to do the work. The therapist validates and guides. One question I often ask people is "If your best friend came to you with this problem what would you tell them?" Every time they have an excellent answer and realize what they need to do. And I just sit there and nod my head and smile. It is wonderful to see.

As for visualizations - I still use them myself. I have a "safe place" that relaxes and comforts me. If I am stressed out I go there in my mind and can usually fall asleep in minutes with this technique.

The box idea can be used for a lot of things - putting something away until you are in a safe place to deal with it, containing an emotion that is getting overwhelming, or as you say handing back the guilt, blame, shame, etc to others that forced us to carry their load.

Lady Lee

wednesday

I knew one day who had spent 17 years working with psychiatrists and still had no relief. She had been diagnosed with so many different disorders - many of which could not exist together. No one knew what was wrong and they gave up on her so she would be off to find a new one. Too often people just think we are so messed up we cannot get better. Heck I thought they would lock me up and throw away the key - which is why I was so scared to try therapy. But life got so desperate I knew I had to try something.

Recovery is possible.

I did work through all those issues and it has been 18 years since I felt suicidal. Once the woman above got the correct diagnosis and started working on the abuse issues she was functioning really well after only 3 years. We can learn to lead happy productive lives after we deal with those issues.

You bring upo a good point too - recognizing the abuse. I was always able to recognize the physical and sexual abuse. I had no idea about the emotional or spiritual abuse. In some ways those were more damaging because I didn't see them for what they were. The impact was sure there though. Again with the onion alaogy - there are so many layers. If you were physically abused you were also emotionally abused. The emotional abuse goes along with all the other kinds of abuse. And all has to be dealt with.

bikerchic

Lady Lee,

I corrected my post above, I got to thinking what I did with my therapist was Guided Imagery although I also use Visualization techniques as well.

Thanks for your reply I guess it's never too late to wise up eh?

Hugs!

Kate

Maybe someone else has a question of two.

Reaaly when I looked at the date on this I thought we did it so long ago. Hard to believe it was just this past spring

jgnat

bttt

An Interview With Lady Lee

wednesday

Lady Lee

Lady Lee

Lady Lee

bikerchic

Valis

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Lady Lee

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