What women are really saying...Listen and learn guys!

by RubyTuesday 4 Replies latest social humour

• 

  RubyTuesday

  Yes = No

  No = Yes

  Maybe = No

  I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

  We need = I want

  It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

  Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.

  We need to talk = I need to complain.

  Sure go ahead = I don't want you to.

  I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

  You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

  You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

  Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.

  This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.

  I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

  Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

  I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

  Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

  How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.

  I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

  Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.

  You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.

  Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]

  Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he falls asleep.

  I'm not yelling! = Yes, I am yelling because I think this is Important.

  The same old thing = Nothing

  Nothing = Everything

  Everything = My PMS is acting up.

  Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an asshole.
• 

  Love_Truth

  Yeah, saw one like that- I've tried practicing it, and it has worked wonders! Lol.-

  WORDS WOMEN USE
  ******************FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.
  
  FIVE MINUTES This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
  
  NOTHING This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine" GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows! ) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"
  
  GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
  This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
  
  LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing" SOFT SIGH Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content. THAT'S OKAY
  This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."
  
  GO AHEAD!At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. PLEASE DO
  This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"
  
  THANKS
  A woman is thanking you. Do not! faint. Just say you're welcome.
  
  THANKS A LOT This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh.." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"
• 

  seattleniceguy

  This reminds me of this commercial we were talking about at work today. It's about the possible (but inappropriate) male reactions to various male-female social situations. There's a guy sitting at a picnic table with his girlfriend, and a pretty girl walks by behind the girlfriend. The guy's eyes follow the pretty girl go by, and his girlfriend asks, "Do you think she's prettier than me?"

  The guy freezes, a look of pure entrapment on his face. Then he gets up and just bolts away from the table.

  SNG
• 

  FlyingHighNow

  "Do you think she's prettier than me?"

  The wise thing for a guy to do in this case is not to follow the pretty girl or any other girl with his eyes. It can make some women feel very insecure. If it's too late and you're busted. You better say something like, "She? That was a woman? Good lord, I thought that was a very effeminate and homely looking man. Are you sure that was a woman??"

  Heather
• 

  Puternut

  What men are saying is:

  Yes = Yes

  No = No

  Maybe = No

  I'm sorry = Do we get to go to bed soon?

  We need = We have to have

  It's your decision = As long as you do it my way

  Do what you want = I mean it

  We need to talk = There's someone else

  Sure go ahead = I like it, A LOT

  I'm not upset = You are just having YOUR period

  You're certainly attentive tonight = It's about time

  Be romantic, turn out the lights = You have flabby thighs.

  This kitchen is so inconvenient = When are you going to cook me a 5 course meal?

  I heard a noise = Will you go see who it is?

  Do you love me? = Then let's get busy

  How much do you love me? = I don't matter

  I'll be ready in a minute = But sure you don't wear anything when I get back

  You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.

  Are you listening to me!? = Let's try something different tonight

  Was that the baby? = Go feed him, you have all the equipment

  I'm not yelling! = You are not listening

  The same old thing = Bathrobes and curlers are passe

  Nothing =Nothing

  Everything = Everything Nothing, really = Mind your own business