Welcome Kittie. So glad you are here. Being raised a Witness can implants in us -- at a very deep level -- a lot of fear and confusion. The more sensitive we are, the more harmful the wounds. When we first break away, sometimes we need help just getting to a place were we can help ourselves. Nothing to be a shamed of, or feel bad about. If fact often times the sensitive ones like yourself Kittie, have more warmth and healing to share with others. So, the faster you can come out of your darkness the better for the rest of us. You may find much help in a good understanding counselor or psychologist. Also, an antidepressant can sometimes help us begin to see through the fog. Kind of like lighting a match to help you find the light switch. Be patient and kind to yourself dear. You will pass through this and find the comfort and peace within yourself that you need and desire. It's there, it just needs to be uncovered. Yes, I and many others are glad you are here. j
Should I be over it by now?
by astridkittie 18 Replies latest social relationships
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Nosferatu
My boyfriend says that me growing up in the JWs is no different from him growing up in a Southern Baptist home and that the reason why I haven't recovered from this is because I wallow in it and feel sorry for myself.
I'd have to say that your boyfriend is incorrect. I'll tell you something, if I was raised Catholic, I would probably be able to walk out of that religion and have less side effects than any ex-JW. No two religions are the same, even though they all stem from the bible. The interpret differently, they worship differently, etc. The experience that you went through is your own experience, and while people may be able to relate to some aspects of your life, they can't relate to all of them since they haven't experienced it themselves.
The JWs not only corrupt your belief system, but they corrupt your emotions. A good example is when a JW hears a dirty joke, they repeat to themselves "I'm not supposed to laugh at that". They supress their emotions and if they find themselves reacting the way they've been told they shouldn't, they start to feel guilty. Feeling guilty because of a natural human reaction is very frustrating. When you've been doing it for years, it becomes quite natural as if it's a part of your personality. Personality change is quite difficult to do, but it can be done. Sometimes it takes years to do it.
I agree with JamesThomas:
You may find much help in a good understanding counselor or psychologist.
It sounds like there is more inside you than just conflict with your JW past, although the JW programming is probably a major part of it. I'm hoping that you'll take the necessary steps to get all this straightened out, and I wish you the best of luck in this incredible journey of self-improvement.
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jgnat
Difference between a Southern Baptist and a JW?
A Southern Baptist self-monitors his behavior all the time, because God is watching. What does a Southern Baptist do when he stumbles? Repent right quick! *phew* That was close. If the Southern Baptist is very well known, he can write a book about his close call with the Devil and go on the preaching circuit.
A JW monitors her behavior in front of other JW's, because they are always watching. What does a JW do when caught? Either deny, deny, deny or blubber in front of the Judicial Council and promise to never, never, never do it again. What follows is at least six months of purgatory and a permanent "mark" on her forehead.
Earthly consequences are WAAY worse for a JW. This is a little tongue-in-cheek, I know, but it seems to me that JW's sin no less than "worldly" folk, but are far more careful about doing such things in secret. I swear JW's are ten times more terrified of their own congregation than they are of Jehovah.
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astridkittie
Thanks for all the help. :) I actually have researched quite a bit of "the truth about the truth" and have quite broken free of the initial doctrine, it's just... kind of like a recovery from a drug addiction... the drug is gone but the addictive habits and issues are still there, even though you don't want them to be because it's not making you any happier and know it's wrong. And it doesn't help any that I often doubt if what's true is true and what's wrong is wrong, if that makes any sense. When everything you think is true turns out to be wrong... it kind of turns your entire world upside down where you don't know what to believe or trust in any more, even if you know in your heart what's true and what's not... but you were taught not to trust your heart because it'll cause you to "stumble"... so you're just kind of all mixed up. Which is probably just how the Society wants you to be... makes it more likely you'll go back like a kicked dog... and it drives me crazy that it's so hard to break this even though I realize that... just typing what I just did about the Society made me feel like I was blaspheming for a second, lol, even though I know what the game is... it's wierd.
I would love to find a therepist however I can't seem to find any in my area that have any experience with this sort of thing or even know anything about the JWs. They always seem to think it's just a religion like any other religion and end up making me feel like I'm just being paranoid or something about the harmful effects.
Fortunately though my JW family is moving out of state in September so I won't be under their watchful *and often critical* eyes and *encouragement* to come back any longer... I'm hoping being away from all that pressure might help me further...
Thank you for letting me know I'm not the only one that takes so long though... :) -
Narkissos
(((((Welcome Astridkittie)))))
I guess I've nothing to add to what has been said thus far (I'd put JamesThomas' words on the very top of it...).
Only a nice reading I just found on another thread:
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/27/66576/1.ashx
Take care,
Narkissos
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Winston Smith :>D
Welcome Astridkittie,
There are many helpful words that have already been said.
For myself when I DA'd myself last year I found a few things relly helpful:
1. Reading 'Crisis of Conscience' by Ray Franz
2. Posting my thoughts to this board. I found that the 'crazy' thoughts that I was going through was similar to many others here.
3. Talking to some here on the phone helps as well.
BTW, as well intentioned as your boyfriend may be, the WTS is NOTHING like Baptist.
One is a religion, while the other is a high-control cult.
Unless he was ever a JW, he'll never fully understand your pain as a JW.
Some find this helpful in their recovery process to be with someone who was never a JW, so that they don't dwell in the WTS.
Others need the support of X-JW's
Best,
Paul
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talesin
{{{astridkittie}}}
welcome !!
take your time, everyone has a different cycle of learning, and the guilt can be overwhelming.
Many folks don't understand the mind control you grew up with. Your boyfriend just doesn't get it, but he's not alone.
And neither are you! One of the best things I have found was this board - after 25 years of being alone in my exJW pain, I found others who 'understand'. It's worked wonders, just to read how others feel, and to realize that these feelings are natural and justified. Stick around.
talesin
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gaiagirl
What helped me was reading books and watching videos about the early development of Christianity. I can recommend a video shown on PBS, and probably available for purchase, titled 'The First Christians'.
A good book, which I found at Barnes and Noble, is 'The History of Pagan Europe', which contains lots of information about the interaction between the established pagan religions and the new christian faith.
One point which I learned was that non-christians were not bloodthirsty savages, or evil demonworshippers. Instead, they lived in a world in which some were cultured, educated, and refined, and whose life work was the betterment of society. Their culture was composed of people of many different tastes, so some probably enjoyed events such as the gladiatorial contests, others were probably turned off by such things, just as many are turned off by football and action movies today.
Another point was that, if one gives any credence at all to the writings of non-christians, then christians themselves were not all passive do-gooders, some apparantly were involved in acts of arson (perhaps in an effort to jump-start Armageddon?). Rome allowed worship of many imported gods and goddess, such as Mithra, Isis, and others. Why would Roman culture single out christians for persecution, unless given a good reason? Apparantly, christians brought persecution upon themselves, so that they could say 'look how the world rejects us, therefore this proves we have Gods favor'.
A final point was how, once christianity achieved political power in the wake of Constantine, they were particularly brutal towards pagan practices. While the pagans had been tolerant of many varying beliefs, christians were tolerant of none but their own, and killed those who disagreed. The adoption of christianity as the state religion by Rome led almost directly to the Dark Ages, which lasted more than 1000 years.
Christianity didn't catch on because it was in any way better than other religions, rather it was chosen by Constantine as a political move, perhaps in no small part because his own mother was christian. There was no special quality which made Christianity better suited than other beliefs. In a similar light, JWs are really nothing special. They claim to be practicing christianity as it was done in the first century, however this is not anything of which to be proud. We were deceived, but we can be proud that we saw through their deception and cut off our association with them.
Despite what they would have you believe, there IS life outside the organization, and it is a better life than one in which every thought is monitored and rigid codes of conduct and dress enforced.
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LyinEyes
Welcome.....Astridkitty.
What everyone has said it true, we all share some of the same storys and we all react differently to them.
I will give you an example of something unexpected that happened to me when I disassociated myself from the JW, a little over a year, year and a half . I was raised JW. So I had alot of issues.......things that had never crossed my mind about my beloved religion.
My mother was a JW , who got disfellowshipped back in 1985 , she was 35 yrs old,,,,she just got out of rehab and started smoking. The elders did not go see her in the hospital, no calls, no support....no love at all. And she was the PO's wife. She was discarded for having depression, for getting hooked on painpills and for the sin of smoking. They notified her thru a short letter in the mail.
My mom was distraught,,,,,,,,to say the least. She was sure Jehovah could not possibly love her anymore and that she would never be forgiven. She committed suicide that Sept. 15, 1985.
My point of telling you this, is that for over 16 years,,,,,,,, I was so brainwashed, I really didnt put the blame on the local elders, the WT, for making us all feel like failures. I didnt see what liars they are , saying in print how to treat depressed people, but doing the total opposite of it.
I dont totally blame the WT , but I will say they do have some blood on their hands over many of the suicides that are happening more and more due to their unreasonable man made standards.
When my Mom died,,,,,,,,I was in pain, confused, and never had that comfort that she was at peace.......for 16 yrs I was in that state.
When I left the JW's I was finally FREE to grieve my mother the way that I wanted to and needed to. I did alot of it right here on this board. I received more cyber hugs, love and real feelings than I ever did from the people I grew up with in the congregation. I was moved to tears over so many of the kind words of people I have met from this board.
It was like a process that I should have went thru 16 yrs ago,,,,,,,,,,but because of the way the WT says you should grieve,,,,,,,,,,especially dealing with suicide and disfellowshipped people, I was in a grief limbo.
Being able to express myself about her, her death, talk about her and all the good things about her, was what I needed to do to move on .
I started to feel peace. A new sense of calm came over me and I felt the presense of my mom, in a strange new way. I didnt see her as a sad , pitiful person as I did all those years. I saw her as if she was smiling at me, comforting me, that I was not in the pain I was before.
I am not sure if I really felt my mother's presence or if it was just my mind allowing myself to move on, and to realize that my mother would not want me to grieve so long, and that she would be pleased that my eyes were opened now.
So no matter how long ago something happened,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,if we dont deal with the emotional issues involved , we are going to feel the pain over and over until we face it and deal with what happended to us .
Peace to you Kitty..............I wish that for you.........it takes a little time , alot of talking and alot of good willing ears to listen to you,,,,,,,,,,we are all here for you. I dont know what I would have done without the good folks here who listened to me and helped me thru my grieving process. I love them all dearly .
