Feelings of an active JW

XBEHERE

I have been lurking on this board ever since the May 2002 broadcast of that Dateline on the subject of child molestation. That show made me realize that the WT may not be speaking for god. Well naturally I discovered the truth about the "truth" over the past 21 months. I am still very active, go to every meeting unless sick, and go out in the ministry every week, although sometimes I will not press all the way down on a door bell so it wont ring. How sad is that right?? Anyway... my post, as I see it life in the JW's is really all just a fascade, a farce. We all work so hard, expend so much of our precious time and yet I dont believe in the theology anymore and I am sure that I am not alone.

I suspect there are many JW's who don't really believe anymore. You can almost tell by the expressions, the lack of meeting attendance, coming late and leaving early. Many also go out the last weekend of the month, just so they wont get the dreaded label of being "irregular" or "inactive". Of course there are still the hard-core "JW's till we die" people but many are losing urgency and joy. What keeps me going? Honestly its my family. Wife still into it even though she does not even study and barely knows much of the deeper theology. Its more of a way of life for her since she was a baby instead of understanding all the peculiar doctrines and believing them. She would flip if I ever told her what I know and it would get ugly fast.

Besides her my immediate family are all active "praisers of god's kingdom" some are Elders, MS's, Pioneers. I firmly believe that this is what keeps me and many in the others in the "truth". I have come to understand that this is what cults do. Its membership by coercion not faith. For we know that we would extremely complicate or at worst lose our families if we leave the cult. How sad.

I have read many of your experiences and it made me think: "well if they left, so can I. They did it why cant I??" Some of you have basically said more or less "screw this s*&t" and never looked back.... I dont think I can do that. Its not a lack of guts, intelligence, etc. but its coercion again. I truly believe that there are many, many active JW's who are in the same position as I am. We are trapped. I come on here everyday and read and read and read. Then I go home and get ready for the meeting and sit there and feel just trapped like a bear in one of those metal claw things. How can we losen the trap and get free? I don't know. I wish I did, believe me I do.

gumby

I have come to understand that this is what cults do. Its membership by coercion not faith.

Bingo!

Yes......you are not alone in your position in life. If we could see inside the minds of witnesses.........we would all see many doubts and questions in their minds. The problem with a cult is that you cannot discuss your doubts and questions without being interogated as to WHY you ask or doubt. They automatically assume you have been in the wrong company to have such thoughts and that you could not have come up with these questions on your own without some "apostate help".

Yes.....you ARE stuck and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it.......sorry to say. I have been out since 94 and all my family but two sisters are in the borg..............lots and lots of them! I have mulled over in my mind how to conquer this dilema and have realised is futile to think we can change a persons thinking..........unless they are looking for a change or some answers.

Gumby

TheOldHippie

Makes it two of us, old friend!

roylester

i kind of feel the same way. i studied under the JW for about 12 years but not yet baptized. However, the questions keeps getting deeper and deeper until i am no longer satisfied with the JW explanation. maybe this was because i was not baptized right away and started to question some of the beliefs such as the memorial service, new jerusalem being the major ones. these i found out on my own when i was doing research on some topics on the Bible.i still believe that we should partake of the memorial service not because we are heaven bound but because we are following christs command to do so. if you will search hard, you will find only one instance where it is forbidden to partake, and it has nothing to do with the situation today where we attend the memorial solemly and none of thiose forbidden in the scripture.Well probably i will write later and just wanted to get these off my chest. i still like the teachings of JW and still consider them as the religion to affiliate with in the interim.Forgive my grammar,spelling. thank you.

RunningMan

I think you are right. There are many people trapped inside. I was, and still am to a certain extent.

But, the society has made a career out of controlling people. They carefully manage the information that members are given, the language they speak, they are the keepers of salvation, and they use fear and guilt. There are many, many, reasons why people stay in the organization once they begin to doubt.

However, it does get better. Keep reading, studying, and conversing. You will find that this board, and others like it, are like a breath of fresh air.

And, as for not pressing the door knob all the way down, well, you didn't invent that. Don't feel guilty. You might be surprised to find out that just about everybody does that

calamityjane

Welcome to the forum. I think just by being here will help you a lot to break free eventually. But we understand also when you have family in, breaking free is not an easy thing.

We're here for you to give you the support you need.

cj.

pc

Greetings Xbehere and welcome. I am sure you feel very alone. I can't imagine having to actually go to meetings and act as if you believe. For your own sanity I suggest you read some of the books many here have listed. Ray Franz books are great! I think once you read them you start to unravel and all the guilt disappears. We were all so programed it's hard to realize what is true and what is false about the bible. Even if you take the bible only as interesting reading, you begin to see all the lies the JW's wrapped around it. Once you have no guilt about the so called "truth" you can start to make good decisions for yourself. Believe me I am in no way making light of your situation. I too have one of my brothers who remains an elder. I get so depressed about how to reach him. My dad to is the ultimate JW for 50 years. Anyway, I just wanted to say hi and glad you jumped in...PC

Nosferatu

Wow! Welcome to the board XBEHERE and roylester! I'm one of the lucky ones who doesn't have much family in the borg, and I was never baptized. Never being baptized sure has made things much easier on me.

XBEHERE: Many of the people on here do a slow fade. They start missing meetings here and there and increase how much they miss them. They also put in fake Field Service reports. Doing a slow fade helps ease everyone else into your decision. Suddenly stopping will cause others to react quickly and harshly.

Those are just a few suggestions from other posts I've read on here. I'd also strongly suggest getting your hands on the book Crisis of Conscience by Raymond Franz. He was a governing body member who was forced out of the religion. It's an excellent book, but you might have to hide it really good.

Anyway, I wish you good luck on whatever you decide.

Roylester: One thing you have to realize is that the teachings of the Watchtower aren't optional. You can't decide which of their doctrines to believe in. You have to believe in all of them, or believe in none of them; at least that's what the WTS says. They claim to be god's channel of communication, therefore everything they teach must be true. Then there's 1975, the generation of 1914, etc etc.

Big Tex

Howdy Xbehere! Looks like you started lurking about the time I started posting. Can't believe it's been nearly 2 years.

Don't give in to despair. I left 15 years ago, while my wife stayed in. It took her until 2002 to make the final break. You can do it, but it must be in your own time and in your own way. "To thine ownself be true". If you don't, and you live for others, you will grow old angry and bitter and full of regrets.

Good luck.

cruzanheart

(((XBEHERE))) I know how you feel. It's hard to leave when you have family in. You might try starting what we call a "quiet fade," just gradually attending fewer meetings until you don't go at all and everyone is so used to it that they don't question you about it. It might be harder to do that if your JW family is in the same congregation as you are. My husband and I are both out but neither DF'd nor DA'd and we still have Witness friends who accept us as we are. (Actually, one of them is kind of envious!)

It's a wonderful feeling to be out -- a load has been lifted and you are free to enjoy every minute of your life NOW.

Nina

Feelings of an active JW

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