The JC won't tell the wife about her husband's adultery

by purrpurr 22 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  purrpurr

  Still reading the Shepard the flock book and came across this gem (!)...

  "13. If the husband committed adultery, he

  has an obligation to inform his wife of the facts. The

  judicial committee should promptly inquire of the

  Christian wife as to what her husband has told her. If

  he refuses to inform her of his adultery, the elders

  should inform her that because of her husband’s

  conduct, it is up to her to decide whether to pursue a

  Scriptural divorce or not. Furthermore, they should

  inform the innocent mate that her resuming sexu-

  al relations with the guilty mate would negate any

  claim to Scriptural freedom. But they should not give

  her further details. On the other hand, the elders

  may find that while the husband did confess adultery

  to his wife, he did not tell her the full extent of his

  wrong conduct and left out important information

  that the wife should know. The elders should not pro-

  vide this confidential information to the wife, but

  they can suggest that she speak with her husband

  again. Even if he does not tell her anything more, this

  will alert her to the fact that he is withholding infor-

  mation from her, and this may help her to determine

  whether to forgive or not.

  ... so the wife doesn't have to be told! But the elders can hint if they want big deal!
• 

  contramundum

  Sadly, I can confirm that this is true in practice.

  I had been married for less than two years when my (now ex) husband had a meeting with the elders.

  He did not tell me why he was called into the back room, but subsequently had his 'privileges' removed for about one year.

  Because my husband refused to discuss the matter with me and I had no idea what had occurred, I asked an elder who was aware of the facts if he would let me know what had happened. His reply was that the matter was confidential and I should wait for an appropriate time to speak to my husband about it.

  Predictably, there was no appropriate time and my husband never told me the reason for his removal of privileges.

  It was only after I had left him, more than 15 years later, that a male friend got in touch with me and revealed that my husband had propositioned him as well as performing a sexual act in front of him.

  I won't go into the details of my ex's behavior over the years, but had I been aware of this in the early years of my marriage, it would have helped immensely in deciding whether to remain loyal or leave before the situation became more difficult.

  Elders, by obeying ridiculous and archaic rules, have been instrumental in adding to the misery and pain in many lives.
• 

  _Morpheus

  Yea thats not what it said. Read it again, but this time read what it says, not what you want it to say.
• 

  Freedom rocks

  Can Someone tell me where in the bible it says if a husband or wife have sexual relations after one has committed adultery that you then can't get scripturally divorced?
• 

  blownaway

  They don't tell the authoritys about child molesters, what chance to you think a spoiled has?
  
• 

  _Morpheus

  Can Someone tell me where in the bible it says if a husband or wife have sexual relations after one has committed adultery that you then can't get scripturally divorced?

  Of course it doesnt. Its all pharisaical extrapolation. If the only grounds for divorce is adultry then it must follow that if you decide to have sex with your cheating mate one time then you have restablished the marriage and therefore cannot divorce unless there is another instance of infidelity.

  They can stretch a word into a paragraph and simple sentence into a far reaching law. Like the Pharisees.
  
  
• 

  Vidiot

  purrpurr - "The JC won't tell the wife about her husband's adultery..."

  Aw, for fucksakes, seriously...?
• 

  slimboyfat

  My reading of the comments is that elders should tell the wife about the fact of adultery but not about the details.

  In practice it is not surprising, as was contramundum’s experice, that some elders don’t tell the wife anything at all.

  Why have JWs got to act so furtively in everything they do?
• 

  Vidiot

  slimboyfat - "...Why have JWs got to act so furtively in everything they do?"

  Bingo.

  If whatever you're doing is truly on the up-and-up, you shouldn't have to go sneaking around to do it.
• 

  JaniceA

  According to the elders book, there really are NO expectations of confidentiality. The "hints" are no less breaking confidentiality than a priest coming out of confession, telling a law officer that he just spoke to joe blow and the the officer should go look in the padlocked area of the basement and talk to joe blow about it.

  There is no clergy privilege in the WT org and that big in their book is evidence enough. It doesn't stay in JC room. It gets to all congregation elders and then The Branch Office. They try to justify that but once you start telling wife he's an adulterer, leaving out the details doesn't really get you off the hook it breaking confidentiality.

  The poster who wasn't warned about husband probably wasn't because it happened when Jehovah didn't think homosexual cheating counted as actual adulterous relationship. It was in their view, nothing to do with the marriage.