Hello, everyone. I'm new here and I have perhaps an unusual question. It's just something that I would like to know from ex's or formers rather than from other Jehovah's Witnesses. But I would like to know what your experience and your struggle was for former JWs who were gay when they were JWs. Was your struggle difficult or nearly impossible, or did you just decide that the struggle wasn't worth it, and you decided that you just didn't want to do this anymore? Also, did you feel that you experienced Isaiah 40:29-31, or did you feel that you didn't and that you had a much more tremendous struggle compared to heterosexual JWs? Thank you in advance for reading this and perhaps providing replies to this topic.
Isaiah 40:29-31 and Being Gay
by IWant2Know 45 Replies latest jw experiences
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IWant2Know
No takers?
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Balaamsass2
Well, I have always been straight, but growing up in the 60s, and 70s outside San Francisco, we always had a number of Gay JWs in our halls. Quite a few Bethelites were gay when I was there in the 70s. "NPGs" or non-practicing gays. The old timers called them "confirmed Bachelors".
It was hard for the Bethel gays to room together and not have sex. Quite a few were drummed out of Bethel, penniless and disfellowshipped.
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Reasonfirst
One of my friends was kicked out for because he was gay (that was quite a long time ago). He told me his story, and I've been debating in my mind whether to tell it. It covers some of the matters your asked about.
Maybe tomorrow
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Kosonen
Hi, I would answer your question by saying that everyone has to struggle with sinful inclinations. Hetrosexual people might have a hard struggle with constant thoughts about fornication or adultery.
But other people who are not especially interested with sex, might have strong feelings of greed, or excessive desire to steal or to take drugs or drink too much alcohol or some find it irresistible to avoid bullying others.
I think everyone who is not fully engaged spiritually struggles with a variety of serious sinful feelings and thoughts.
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Reasonfirst
OK, IWant2Know, here's what I've decided to say.
You'll have noted Kosonen's post, and his use of the word 'sinful' and expressions like 'serious sinful feelings.' That's where the problem starts, these words etc, are deeply embedded in christianised western culture, and not necessarily part of our nature.
But anyone born in western culture, can have a battle with what they are and feel, and the inculcated cultural attitudes.
As my friend explains his life, he (like most of us) does not remember having sexual feelings before puberty. But after puberty his sexual feelings were quite strong, but undirected (that is to a specific sex). He, like a lot of other kids in that time, had no real sexual experience with anyone else. But he did have erotic feelings toward other boys, and some fumblings in the dark in newsreel theatres (no longer existing). And, of course, the problematic conflict caused by western cultural attitudes. Around 17-18, coming to make a real decision about his future, he came into contact with the jws. and was 'organised' into studying with a good-looking young brother (who's still a witness).
My friend also became a serious jw, and began to suppress his desires. Eventually, he was convinced that B.O.Y. had 'cured' him, and he could get married without internal conflicts. So, he met an attractive (and, zealous) young sister (I interpret his descriptions to mean that she was a bit 'boyish' and rather flat-chested), got married, and pioneered with her for many years. Then, like many other jw women, she started to want children. He gave into her, and they soon had a family. All this time, as he tells his story, he did not seem to have any attraction for other males.
Life wasn't easy of course, he claims to have seriously loved his wife and children and in an attempt to provide for them, worked very hard, as well as having jw duties. But in working hard (without of course any specific training) he eventually had to travel, and during a week away from his home city, during an evening run through a park, he was accosted by an attractive young man. He refused, but that brief incident, re-awaked his suppressed sexual feelings. The next time he visited that city, on another run through that same park, he gave into a similar offer.
This brought very serious emotional conflict into his life ( I judge that he went through something close to a breakdown). This was post-1975, and like many of us, began to have some doubts. These grew, his same-sex desires also grew, his marriage began to breakdown, and he began to become suicidal. Eventually, he was exposed as being a sexual sinner and was expelled from B.O.Y's "pure" organisation. His wife too (who, of course, divorced him) was shattered and his daughters. All of which made his feelings worse.
That brought even greater emotional conflict, and he planned suicide. He wanted to find a good-looking young guy, to have a holiday with, and after that to drive a car off a cliff.
Almost predictably, he did meet a young guy, but the young guy had some problems, and in helping him found a second life partner with whom to share his life.
They are still together.
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IWant2Know
Balaamsass2 said:
Quite a few Bethelites were gay when I was there in the 70s. "NPGs" or non-practicing gays. The old timers called them "confirmed Bachelors".
Well, that's different from today's viewpoint about gay JWs. Because now they say that they can definitely be 'cured' by God and become straight and get married. And it's almost like a guarantee. That is, if you stick with it...
But they used to be called confirmed Bachelors? That certainly was a change in viewpoint.
Balaamsass2 said:
said:
It was hard for the Bethel gays to room together and not have sex. Quite a few were drummed out of Bethel, penniless and disfellowshipped.So, I've heard stories about that. Also, that there was a governing body member who got disfellowshipped for homosexual behavior. Although, I wonder about that now in Warwick.
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IWant2Know
Kosonen said:
Hi, I would answer your question by saying that everyone has to struggle with sinful inclinations. Hetrosexual people might have a hard struggle with constant thoughts about fornication or adultery.
But other people who are not especially interested with sex, might have strong feelings of greed, or excessive desire to steal or to take drugs or drink too much alcohol or some find it irresistible to avoid bullying others.
I think everyone who is not fully engaged spiritually struggles with a variety of serious sinful feelings and thoughts.So, Kosonen, how did you become a non-Jehovah's Witness Christian? Because I've tried it but could never go with it.
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IWant2Know
Reasonfirst said:
As my friend explains his life, he (like most of us) does not remember having sexual feelings before puberty. But after puberty his sexual feelings were quite strong, but undirected (that is to a specific sex).
Well, I had never heard of that before. Also, I'm kind of wondering how his sexual feelings were manifested if they weren't directed towards any specific gender.
Reasonfirst said:
He, like a lot of other kids in that time, had no real sexual experience with anyone else. But he did have erotic feelings toward other boys, and some fumblings in the dark in newsreel theatres (no longer existing).
Oh... Well, that makes more sense.
Reasonfirst said:
Around 17-18, coming to make a real decision about his future, he came into contact with the jws. and was 'organised' into studying with a good-looking young brother (who's still a witness).
Well, that sounds very familiar. And I know that JWs believe that they have been commission to preach the good news about the Kingdom to the world, but sometimes I wonder why God (that is, if he's real) doesn't know that some people would have been better off not knowing about the JW message and just allowed to live their lives peacefully.
Also, you mentioned a good-looking brother. So, was there any conflict of feelings with your friend and this brother?
Reasonfirst said:
My friend also became a serious jw, and began to suppress his desires. Eventually, he was convinced that B.O.Y. had 'cured' him, and he could get married without internal conflicts. So, he met an attractive (and, zealous) young sister (I interpret his descriptions to mean that she was a bit 'boyish' and rather flat-chested), got married, and pioneered with her for many years.
So, are you perhaps implying that he may have been attracted to her because she looked boyish? Also, you friend sounds like he was bisexual, because 100% homosexuals don't have attraction towards the opposite sex. Also, what is B.O.Y.?
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IWant2Know
Reasonfirst said:
That brought even greater emotional conflict, and he planned suicide. He wanted to find a good-looking young guy, to have a holiday with, and after that to drive a car off a cliff.
Almost predictably, he did meet a young guy, but the young guy had some problems, and in helping him found a second life partner with whom to share his life.
They are still together.
Well, it sounds like Isaiah 40:29-31 didn't help him since I'm pretty such most JWs have tried to apply those verses to themselves. Although JWs would say that he didn't try hard enough or didn't have enough faith or didn't have enough love for God... or that he never was a real JW in the first place.