Sad again at the Service Meeting

by Euphemism 36 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  Euphemism

  The service meeting on Thursday was really saddening, particularly the last part, about preaching with boldness. It was about overcoming nervousness, shyness, etc in the ministry.

  All these people gave their experiences about difficulties they had in the ministry. A regular pioneer (and elder's wife) admitted that she used to just pretend to ring the door bells; service is still really difficult for her, but she does it just because she feels obligated to. (It was the first time I'd really felt sympathy for her; she's a courteous person, but normally rather stuck up.) Another sister said that she has to pray not to run away before each door. An experience from the Watchtower was read, about a brother who's been a Witness for years, and still gets physically sick before going out in service.

  I thought about all these people who are forced to do something that is often emotionally distressing for them; and then are made to feel guilty over not liking to do it.

  It's just sickening.
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  kgfreeperson

  Were these people/stories being used as good examples? They do it in spite of the personal pain? It is upsetting.
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  Scully

  Hi Euphemism

  I can really empathize with these folks. Going up to complete strangers and starting conversations is hard enough, but believing that your life depends on doing it increases the anxiety level even more.

  FWIW, when I was a "true believer" JW, going door-to-door didn't bother me all that much; it was just something I thought I was doing to show my love for Jehovah and for my neighbours. Once the doubts started creeping in, however, and once I started to see how hypocritical the organization was, going in service made me feel awful. I was trying to gently persuade my husband to see the validity of my doubts and read the Bible the way I had been reading it, trying not to make too many waves in the congregation and still be a good wife and mom. Going door-to-door, knowing in my heart that I was perpetrating a falsehood was extremely upsetting.

  I wonder how many of the folks who spoke up at your service meeting were experiencing a similar state of cognitive dissonance.

  Love, Scully
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  Euphemism

  Interesting, Scully, I hadn't thought of that. Personally, my feelings are pretty similar to yours... I didn't really have a problem with service before I started having doubts. That's why I was surprised at the number of people who raised their hands and offered spontaneous comments about how difficult service was for them.

  It must have been refreshing for them to be able to be honest; and I suppose that for a true believer who was forcing herself (all the commenters were sisters) to go out in spite of her feelings, it might be comforting to hear that others were having the same problem. But it saddened me to think of what they had to go through.

  And kgfree, yes, they were being presented as good examples for going out despite finding it difficult.

  My mother-in-law-to-be, after the meeting, said that she's always found service difficult as well, but that now that there are presentations in the KM, she feels: "Well I'm out there doing Jehovah's work, exactly the way that Jehovah tells me to, so what can go wrong?"
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  Mulan

  but that now that there are presentations in the KM, she feels: "Well I'm out there doing Jehovah's work, exactly the way that Jehovah tells me to, so what can go wrong?"

  that made me think about when I first was a publisher, back in the 1950's and all we had in the "Informant" (old name for KM) were a subject and THREE SCRIPTURES. We had to make our own presentation. People actually listened back then too. I remember placing 3 books at a time because that was the offer, and subscriptions too, as a child and preteen. Good grief. What were people thinking?

  No one would listen that long now. They were 8-10 minute sermons.

  I never got used to it, and even when I was a regular pioneer, I always loved "going home time" and my days off. Ultimately that is why I quit. I took 2 days off in a row, that I normally didn't take off, and it felt so good I just quit. I had other reasons too, but that was the main one. The only thing I got used to was getting ready to get to the KH by 9 each morning. The rest of it was a drudge.
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  Panda

  Euph, I didn't have a problem with service until I had my doubts. Then I began to get physically ill if I went out. Esp. because I couldn't talk to anyone about my feelings. It was like I was already separated from my friends. It was really a difficult time. I began to talk to one of my professors and that helped. I also took a philosophy class which helped me to understand accepting different views on life. But I knew my friends didn't want to hear any of it. And I couldn't lie to myself or strangers anymore.
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  blondie

  I had no problems with field service. I loved talking to people and I was fairly good at getting past the barriers. This was true as long as I believed had something good to offer people. The day my attitude changed was when I could not in good conscience invite people to the KH to be treated unlovingly or lied to.

  Blondie
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  minimus

  I was never nervous "out in the field" because I was a publisher since a small child. But I empathise with people that say they've gotten ill because they had to give a talk or go out in service. And if a person didn't perform, they'd be viewed as unappreciative of the "life-saving work".
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  Mulan

  I was never nervous either, but I sure didn't love it. I never understood people who "loved it". To me it was just painful.

  I was good at it too, and at one time I had 7 Bible studies. That was hard, juggling all of those. Dave and I "brought many into the truth", but I never loved it.

  I had one householder tell me I should be in sales because I was very convincing, but he still didn't take anything.
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  Swan

  Mulan wrote:

  I took 2 days off in a row, that I normally didn't take off, and it felt so good I just quit.

  I can relate to that. I dwindled to 2 hours a month, and then I became irregular, then I became inactive. It felt good not having to go to those doors, and I wasn't struck down by lightning! My mother kept saying things "to encourage me" make me feel guilty, but by then it didn't bother my conscience at all.

  Tammy