Drifting what i've feared has started already...

pale.emperor

Im in the process of drifting out. My entire family are JW's. My wife and her family are too. If you like take a look at my very first post that gives a quick rundown of what brings me here.

Basically i can sum up my crisis of faith as follows:

1. I believe it's become overly bureaucratic. - No matter how much or how little i do I'm expected to do more, and report how many hours i put in in the ministry. I see no scriptural basis for this and feel uncomfortable that it's treated as a "must do" thing. By my own reasoning, a JW will happily tell you that the first century Christians didn't celebrate Christmas, Easter or birthdays but they also didn't report how many hours they preached either.

2. I dont believe that holy spirit is involved in appointing elders. - I read an account somewhere where an elder in the USSR turned out to be a Soviet spy that was sent on a mission to infiltrate the witnesses. He started as a study, was baptized and progressed to a min servant and then and elder... all the time as a soviet spy. He eventually gave them all up. So my question is, why would the holy spirit direct them to appoint a spy as an elder.

3. Too much emphasis is placed on what you're seen to be doing rather than your spirituality. - I think a persons relationship with God is very personal, that God knows you and the reason behind everything. That Jesus is the mediator between God and man. But with the JW's we're told to confess to the elders, seek repentance through the elders etc.

4. People who are DF'd are made to feel that they are cut off from God - when in reality they're cut off from the JW's. They dont make the decision for God.

5. The understanding keeps changing. - This is a major stumbling block for me. Let imagine i went back in time to 1980. If i told expressed current JW understanding to my 1980 friends and family I'd be labelled an apostate.

There are a few more but i'd be here all day. The thing is i dont hold any hatred or animosity towards JW's. If they want to believe what they have that's up to them. But if i disassociate or get DF'd id lose my entire family. And if i tried to tell them why im leaving they'd think im an apostate. When in reality im saying "i dont know. Right now i dont know what to believe and it'd be a lie, and a sin, to go along with something that i dont believe in."

Also, i dont want my daughter to get involved in an organization where she'll be scrutinized for everything she does. Made to live up to a certain standard and get married at age 18 to a 20yo boy.

Today i got a text asking for my report. I haven't been on the ministry in 6 months so i dont even know why they're asking. Last year i asked to be taken off sound desk, mics, and giving prayers. I was supposed to come off giving talks but they said no because apparently im a "talented speaker" and "it'd encourage you spiritually".

Should i take this opportunity to tell them im stepping back and not going anymore? If i do i'd more than likely get a shepherding visit and made to admit my feelings and DF'd. I just want to be left alone.

Landy

Please bear in mind that you don't owe the witnesses any explanation. Your doubts and thoughts are best kept to yourself in case you get labelled an apostate. Avoid any conversations with the elders. Just stop doing the things you donlt want to do. The best way to exit is by being 'spiritually weak' and fade away. Good luck.

OnTheWayOut

You call it drifting away. I like that. Most here have called it fading. They probaby want your time from you to prevent your status from going to "inactive" which happens at 6 months with no recruiting reports.

If you want to drift away, sooner or later you must become inactive. If you aren't ready, give them a fake 1 hour. If you are ready, either accept their shepherding visit or not. They cannot take judicial action for inactivity or for avoiding their counsel.

I wish you well.

ToesUp

Don't say a word. Don't meet with the Elders. If you don't say anything, they can't use anything against you. We have told NOBODY in our family how we really feel. No one knows and we aren't telling. If you need to vent, vent on here or keep a journal.

If you don't want to do their little required tasks, just tell them you are busy or are not feeling well. Nothing more.

You don't owe anyone an explanation. People, in general, are nosy (especially JW's). If they are going to talk about you, they will have to make up something. Not only does this drive em crazy, it is kinda fun to watch them try so hard to extract info, only to find you're not playing into their hands.

pale.emperor

Don't say a word. Don't meet with the Elders. If you don't say anything, they can't use anything against you. We have told NOBODY in our family how we really feel. No one knows and we aren't telling. If you need to vent, vent on here or keep a journal.
If you don't want to do their little required tasks, just tell them you are busy or are not feeling well. Nothing more.
You don't owe anyone an explanation. People, in general, are nosy (especially JW's). If they are going to talk about you, they will have to make up something. Not only does this drive em crazy, it is kinda fun to watch them try so hard to extract info, only to find you're not playing into their hands.

But the problem is my wife's dad is an elder. And i live in the same apartment block as another elder and his wife that drive us to the meetings. This elder has already started putting pressure on me to go on the ministry.

I must admit, part of me feels quite sad. Because this has been my personality and entire model of the world since i was a baby. I've got many happy family memories as a JW. Anyone else who left felt that?

WingCommander

Just say NO! And STOP giving talks, period.

JW's: The only Organization that requires you to ask "permission" to step down from "voluntary", non-paid positions and responsibilities. Ummmm...NO! You owe these people NOTHING! Zilch. Zero. Stop doing them, and if pressured by these clowns, ask them who they think they are to be interrogating you?

Tell them nothing, or else to F' off. They'll soon get the hint. What are they gonna do, DF you for not giving a damn? Grow a pair and be a man and put these clowns in their place.

That is all.

pale.emperor

Grow a pair and be a man and put these clowns in their place.

WingCommander, i appreciate what you're saying but this has nothing to do with fear of any men. It's the FACT that if i tell them im leaving i'll lose my family. And most likely labelled an apostate. Which is an unforgivable sin so no one in my family will ever speak to me again.

Imagine being a North Korean and trying to leave North Korea. It's like that.

DesirousOfChange

Because this has been my personality and entire model of the world since i was a baby. I've got many happy family memories as a JW. Anyone else who left felt that?

3rd-generation "born-in" here. Former elder. Circuit assignments. District assignments.

As I think of it, my fade took about 10 years. It was pretty innocent at the start, I really did "step down" for family reasons. Very shortly our family began being treated very differently. I was no longer Bro Prominent Elder. I begin to see that the "friendships" and relationships were based much on what I could do for those other "wanna be's".

Then came all the doubting and reasoning much as you have itemized in your OP. When it gets examined or scrutinized, it doesn't add up. It just doesn't make sense (like the Spy Elder experience, or appointments of pedophiles). The GB 2.0 changes JW Doctrine more often than they change their underwear. WHERE is the Holy Spirit directing them? Just doesn't add up.

I slacked off on meetings, though my wife continued to drag the kids. Eventually, she found it easier to stay home with me. The kids certainly did not mind skipping meetings. Our teenagers were not getting baptized but rather were going to college. (Alarm Bells everywhere.)

We just quit reporting time and we quit all meetings, although we bounced around changing Congs once or twice to confuse everyone about what Cong we really were in.

I discussed my doubts openly with my wife, asking for her HELP in resolving the problems. She soon saw the same things that are wrong.

Now we sleep in on Saturday & Sunday morning if we choose. We are not longer hassled by local elders. Even our JW family members have backed off and consider us as "stumbled".

What is saddest is the fact that it took over 50 years to realize that it was all a lie. Our best years were wasted on the JW hamster wheel. But, fortunately our kids are out of college and doing well in their careers and our grandchildren are not trapped in the Cult.

Good luck,

Doc

WingCommander

@ pale.emporer:

I didn't say for you to tell them you are leaving. No. I said that you should tell them, "NO" when asked and/or pressured into anything you don't want to discuss or do. Big difference. If they see non-compliance as "apostate", then they really are bat-shit crazy. You are an adult. Being an adult means more than answering and cowering to your parents. Guess what? You need to stand up for yourself and start saying, "No", with no explanation required except that you are saying "No", and that THEY need to respect your decision. Any further inquiries are NONE of their damned business! JW's are the nosiest MF'ers I've ever seen. I was born into this as well, so I know exactly where you are coming from. You need to teach them to respect your boundaries. Currently, you have none, and they know it. Put boundaries up, then re-enforce them not only thru actions, but thru the word "NO."

TheListener

I hear you PE. I was in a similar situation. I reported 1 to 3 hours for many months before I just never turned in a report. At the same time I was going to barely any meetings. At some point you just disappear off the radar - that is unless you ride to the meetings with your elder father in law. I also traded talks with other brothers claiming sickness or work; not the same brother more than once or twice. Eventually, I just didn't get any more talks.

I guess what I'm saying is that if you slowly fade or drift you have to keep up some sort of pretense for awhile which may mean reporting an hour or two. But, I have a feeling that with your particular family situation you are going to have more pressure and may eventually just have to go full "I'm depressed and sick, give me time to heal" on the couple of elders that are bugging you.

Drifting what i've feared has started already...

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