"Governing Body members during Branch visits. They're are like pigeons: they fly in, shit all over us and fly out"

by oppostate 3 Replies latest social humour

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  oppostate

  So I suggested in another thread that correspondence that will have a demoralizing impact against GB policies won't be those that criticize doctrine. No, my thought is that if you write in to Bethel with jokes about the GB members and their loony-ness you might get a Bethel letter reader to remember what you wrote and pass it around.

  e.g.

  A foreign born Governing Body member from Europe is talking to his new Governing Body Helper.

  The Governing Body member looks at him with a squint in his eyes and says. "Have you heard the talk I gave against going to university! It was epic, it was in English and Romanian. Damn right! But do you think they'd talk about it at the next Wednesday meeting? Nein!"

  Shakes his head and continues. "I laid it out on the line about American Football, telling all those Yankees what a despicable and violent game it is. Do you think I'd get any recognition from any of them? Not even that Ozzi Jackson! Nein, not at all! Not one word!"

  Then he looks around nervously, trying to make sure no one else is paying attention and says: "But you get friendly with one goat in Romania... "
  
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  oppostate

  Veteran interior decorator at Bethel goes in to present the plan to the Governing Body to buy a $30,000 chandelier for their new meeting room at Warwick. Knowing there have been all sorts of cost cutting decisions he tries to make the point telling them about the flow and the harmony of the room, the feng shui and the diffusion properties of the crystal.

  Looking at their frowns he stops talking not really sure what he's said they seem upset about.

  Suddenly, Governing Body Lett says aloud his eyes wide open with expression, "Why are we wasting time talking?" He motions in the air with an upraised index finger. "First of all, a chandelier,. .. why, we haven’t got anyone who could even spell it." He holds up two fingers and a thumb. "Second, we haven’t got anyone who could even play it. And lastly, what we really need in the freaking room is more light!"

  
  
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  oppostate

  An eager long-time Bethelite has just been appointed to Branch Overseer. The 80-year-old Branch Overseer he is replacing because he's been asked to step down, meets with him privately and hands him three numbered envelopes.

  "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can handle," he said.

  Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, donations tanked and contributions took a nosedive. He was really catching a lot of heat from the Governing Body. At wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his desk drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor."

  At the next Wednesday's Governing Body meeting he tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous Branch Overseer. Satisfied with his comments, the Governing Body responded positively, contributions increased, donations rose and the problem was soon behind him.

  About a year later, the Branch was again experiencing a slight dip in contributions collected. Having learned from his previous experience, the Branch Overseer wasted no time in opening the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize assignments." This he did, and again the Branch quickly rebounded. After several consecutive profitable quarters, the Branch once again fell on difficult times. The Branch Overseer went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The simple message said, "Prepare three envelopes..."
  
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  oppostate

  Governing Body Sanderson is making a Branch Visit to Haiti for a week. The Branch Overseer has arranged for a suite at the best and most expensive hotel in the Capital. When Sanders walks into his hotel room, there's a beautiful girl, nude, lying onthe bed. She says, "Hi, Sandie, I'm a little something extra that the Branch Overseer arranged for you.

  Sanderson is incensed. He picks up the phone, calls the Branch Overseer and says, "You idiot! What were you thinking? Where's your respect? I am one of the moral leaders of our 0rganization! I am very angry with you and you have not heard the end of this.

  "The girl gets up and starts to get dressed. Sanderson looks up turns to her and says, "Where are you going? I'm not angry with you."