Status update and hello.

Darkknight757

I haven't posted here in a few months and to be honest I haven't been lurking either. I hope everyone is doing well.😊 I wanted to take a minute to let you know how things have been the last few months.

Recently the brothers decided to FINALLY consider my letter of resignation. They met with me alone and I let them know why I have become inactive as a publisher and why I no longer wish to serve as an elder in the congregation. Overall the conversation with the body went well. I told them that I no longer trust God because of the loss of our children. I also told them that due to depression especially as the anniversary of the loss of our daughter Rose approaches, my depression has only gotten worse. They were actually ok with the wife and I going to grief support meetings which was kinda surprising. They still want me to serve but I told them I cannot and they accepted that. They also offered us a bible study which is a joke since I have no faith in God. My wife doesn't want a study either considering what she knows about the organization.

So things are progressing as good as they can at this point. We still attend some meetings but we are slowly fading away from them. Hopefully soon we can wash our hands of this filthy organization once and for all.

As for the depression, not sure how to deal with that. We talk openly about it but just getting up in the morning is a chore. I hate work, We plan to go away on vacation to commemorate our daughter as well as our sons loss. Hopefully we can find some healing in time?? Not really sure that'll ever happen.

stillin

Every so often the brothers come across as human. I'm sorry for your depression but, of course, trying to continue with the congregation will only make things worse.Faking stuff never helps. I hope you find some joy, or contentment with other things that are actual gifts of creation. Good to hear your voice again.

zeb

My condolences on the loss of your daughter. Time passing in the company of positive people and kindness to each other will be a balm to your sorrow.

The Rebel

Darkknight, hello and I am doing great thanks. Also appreciate the update. I couldn't help but note in your second paragraph you wrote " Recently the brothers" " They met" " Overall the conversation with the body went well" " They were actually ok..." " They still want me..." " They also offered us a bible study..."

Anyway my point is, I don't believe you wrote that and thought about hiding identities, rather you wrote it about people who should be your friends, and have names like " Tom" " John" and " Jim" instead you repeatedly gave them titles as " brother" " the body" and " they"

In my opinion this says a lot about how you perceive the " organisation?" If so may I suggest you consider the fact that an " organisation" does not have feelings, it's individuals that have feelings. To clarify my point you wrote " The brothers decided to FINALLY consider my letter of resignation?" I mean come on, that's your decision, which can be discuseed with friends,that care about you, not those guided by an " Elders book Manuel"

I wish I could understand depression, I know it's a terrible illness because I have friends that suffer from it, actually maybe I should say I am glad I can't understand depression, but I hope I can empathize with it, and I hope you find the " healing in time" that you seek. Also I could never imagine, the pain you have gone through, please take care Mike in hyperspace.

The Rebel.( Mike)

Darkknight757

I see what your saying Rebel. I suppose the terminology I used is the cult speak that has been ingrained in me for the past 20 years. If they really cared they would have let me go when I originally wrote the letter since there was more than enough reason to. They wanted to wait for the next c.o. visit which was months away to see how things would work out.

This organization makes you feel as though you do not have ownership over your own soul.

NeverKnew

My heart sincerely goes out to you and your wife.

Im glad things are working out with your fade.

brandnew

Darkknight.....im so sorry for what you have been through. I cannot fathom losing a child, and to lose two is just heartbreaking. Please do not let the cult dictate what you do to grieve, and go at your own pace, and do what you feel best. My heart goes out to your wife too. The only happy ending to this is waking up , and walking out. Stay strong friend.

Daniel1555

Dear darknight

You did very well how you handled your resignation and inactivity.

From your words I sense that your wife also sees the flaws in this organisation.

I read your older threads and feel with you about the loss of your babies. This is a very sad and traumatic situation for you and your wife. You are going to grieve support meetings? Continue to do that.

Me and my wife lost a baby very early in the pregnancy, just a few days after we knew about the pregnancy. Because it was so early, the trauma wasn't as bad as if it happened later. Sadly this happens to many pregnancies. We later had a healthy and wonderful boy. However we are divorced now because of this cult indoctrination, but thats another story.

Concerning God I still believe there is a 'God' of love, however completely different to the biblical description of God. But I understand if you have lost your belief in a God. This is a very personal matter.

I was also an elder and had to go through this resignation process. How I did that and my experiences you can see in my older threads. Now I am df'd for apostasy and I am happy to be free to live a moral life according to my conscience.

I wish you and your wife all the best from my heart, that you can stick together and be free of this cults indoctrination and that you can go joyful through life despite every burden you are carrying.

Love Dani

Irish Dame

Please accept my condolences on the loss of your babies. It's good you are reaching out to others on this forum. Your depression must be taken seriously. Hopefully you'll find supportive people and if you choose, a competent and sympathetic doctor. I wish you and your wife continued success in your fade out of this dangerous cult and ultimately happiness.

mrquik

Hi DK; I too, was an elder. I've been out long enough to look back at what I was taught with a critical eye. Still, I believe some things taught made sense then & make sense now. I still believe that indeed there would be a period of time before God would intervene & correct mankinds' attempt at ruling himself. Until that time, it would be unjust for him extend loving kindness to some & not to others. I've seen my fair share of personal suffering, but I believe everyone comes back. (Other than those that have pissed off God directly.) I still pray. I thank God for life itself but I have quit asking for anything else. It's not time. We will all grow old & die. I'm confident many generations after us will do the same. In time, yes, I expect to be back. I expect to see all who have gone before me. I know it's not much to hang on to; but it has helped me immensely to carry on with life. I hope it helps you as well.

Status update and hello.

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