Hi everyone,
The elders have received my DA letter. I was going to post it but they didn’t have a mail box so I decided to hand it in personally.
I headed off to the KH after the meeting had started. I was kind of looking forward to seeing the old congregation I was in as I was very interested in experiencing this environment from an outside perspective. It was a very short experience though – only lasted about thirty seconds – I didn’t even get in the KH.
As I walked to the kingdom hall I saw two or three attendants outside. I got to the Kingdom hall gate but it was locked.
I thought the kingdom hall was supposed to be open to the public – isn’t that who it’s for? (Oh no –I remember now – it’s a cult)
Anyway, I looked up at the Kingdom hall entrance and an attendant (a tall, well built feller) caught sight of me, he looked completely shocked and really panicky as I fiddled with the gate. I smiled at him and I heard the other attendant, who I know shout to me to come though the car park entrance.
I went up to him and it was the weirdest thing ever because he didn’t say hello or how are you or anything. He just started saying that they didn’t have a key for the gate or something. I said hello, are you all right?
He turned around to walk with me thinking I was just going to stroll in there like a good little lost sheep or something. He spoke as if I’d just seen him yesterday – no catching up chat or normal behaviour (actually nothing what-so-ever) – no eye contact. I then got my letter out of my bag and handed it to him and said can you give this to one of the elders? – it’s important. As soon as I handed him the letter he just turned around and walked away and that was that. By the way, this attendant is a ‘JW family’ relative of mine. How sad!
It suddenly hit me that nothing had changed. I saw a guy in the car park who I knew all them years ago – facial expression and body language exactly the same – giving me the same tired smile he always gave everyone (no offence to the guy – he’s a decent bloke), but it was if I was suddenly stuck in a time warp, very strange because I got a reminder of some of the old feelings that I had forgotten about – my memory of it all suddenly came back but it was all so predictable (and a bit eerie I might add).
I was expecting change to be honest. You know you hear of all this so-called change and progress from JW’s and their literature, the organisation is changing (blah, blah), but I realised it was exactly the same thing it always used to be. Don’t know if anyone else felt this way?
When I came away it suddenly dawned on me that I was so glad I’d escaped from this small-minded little depressing world. I just felt so relieved that I had got out!
I suddenly realised how much I’d gained - in my mind and in my life, since I left.
But it was also very shocking because you realise the little of it they actually have in their lives.
I just hope they get on with the DAing and don’t try to complicate things because I have washed my hands of them now and to be honest I’m tired of it all – all the letters and explanations I’ve made and the typical small minded reactions I’ve received (there’s only so much of this anyone can take).
Again, big thanks to everyone who posts on the board, especially Simon and Angharad and everyone else who’s involved in making this work.
be wise.