ever feel violent rage toward BORG?

by Ravyn 48 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  MrsQ

  Hey Ravyn,

  I just wanted to add that I understand what you're going through--even though I don't share your feelings. Both me and my brother have left, and he has a similar reaction to yours. He is ANGRY!

  I think different people have different ways of dealing with things. Let's face it--this is not just something that happens all the time--having your entire belief system blown out of the water!

  I had the reaction of being TERRIFIED. I was almost immobilized by my fear. I felt lost, alone, depressed, and self-destructive.

  Thankfully, we are both getting ourselves to a better place.

  Anyway--you are right--you absolutely have to talk things out. Outrageous statements WILL be made! My brother used to swear at God and talk about how much he hated JW's and my dad, and all that. If you say "I wish they'd all just die of anthrax", well, let's face it--that is not going to happen--and you know its not--its sort of a fantastic statement that lets you voice your anger in a big, dramatic way, without making an actual threat. At least, that's my take on it.

  As far as that sword-weilding thread goes--well, come on. That would have been funny even if it was a hall full of Catholics. Or Mary Kay representatives. Its one of those 'stupid criminals' stories that deserved a laugh. It was almost cartoonish in its 'violence'.

  What is important, IMHO, is that we are all free to express ourselves. I guess it is just years of being a JW, because many of us still insist that it is our job to tell other people what they should think/feel/believe. A healthy debate is one thing--but telling something they suck because of their beliefs is just self-righteousness.

  Q.
• 

  Mr. Kim
• 

  Mr. Kim

  Based on the above post, sort of !
• 

  Swan

  Usually I don't, but right now I feel angry. I just learned last night that my Aunt Clara died. This apparently happened several years ago and my family never bothered to tell me. I found out through a poster here who has contacts in the Borg.

  I used to visit my Aunt Clara often and would often spend the night. Many of my relatives considered her a nuisance and a bother. I enjoyed my visits with her. Her place was quiet and peaceful; quite a contrast with the discord and commotion going on at my other aunt's house where the rest of my family preferred staying. I always enjoyed her visits at our house and miss those times. We had nice talks together.

  What can you say about the anger you feel toward your own relatives and the religion that would make them behave this way? To shun family members, convinced that a shunned one is unworthy of love, is just future carrion, and to treat them like such a piece of shit that they don't even deserve to know when a loved one dies? They treat child molesters better than they treat me!

  Bloody flocking cult!

  Tammy
• 

  onacruse

  Ravyn, wow! Thanks for being so open! Ya know, you do have a way of "touching a nerve." The last time I got this worked up was your "harsh honesty" thread. LOL

  I got a p/m that, among other things, made the following observation:

  You are seeing the reality of their fantasy and are horrified. They just see the feelings.

  Certainly a valid consideration. Please bear with me as I explain why I feel so strongly about this topic.

  Last night I was thinking of two Greek words, thymos and orge. thymos means "anger (as an emotion)," and orge means "wrath (anger in action)." orge has the root meaning of "to reach out and grab." With that in mind, I took your comments here more in the sense of "wrath" because of what you did recently when that JW lady came to your door http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/55987/1.ashx . You said:

  finally I told her that if she did not leave I would kill her.

  It seems to me that your anger is so intense that you're tipping in the direction of wrath, or "the reality of [your] fantasy," and it affects how I interpreted what you first said on this thread.

  I absolutely agree that "venting our anger" in a discussion is an essential part of our healing. But I'm also very concerned if that venting seems to be (or has been) directed at people.

  Please know that I only have your best interests at heart.

  Craig
• 

  Ravyn

  Dear Craig,

  It was the experience with the JW who would not leave that inspired my anthrax comment, not the other way around. I would not think of violence toward JWs on a daily basis--it was a knee-jerk response to my recent confrontation and the perceived attack by Pork Chop and In_Between_Days because I thot the pink samurai mummy thing was funny on that thread.

  I think it is a new level I have reached in my recovery. Previously I directed my anger inward resulting in low self esteem, shame, fear and depression. I stayed at that level for years, convincing myself that I had gotten over being a JW and what they have done to me. Then last year I was asked to come back to this board and write something for someone who had a specific question and I stayed around a little longer this time. I stayed long enough to remember the pain that I had convinced myself was gone. All this energy that I have been directing inwardly has taken its toll. Lupus is a hyper-immunity- an overactivity, a misdirected natural protection...see where this is going? I need to let out the anger or it is going to kill me for sure. The lupus is active right now and attacking my left kidney. Remember all the JW symbolism about kidneys and integrity? Well I need to support my own integrity.

  If a JW confronts me I may get violent on them(not without a confrontation!) I don't know. But I don't think I am the only person who could be pushed that far. Maybe you just are not a naturally violent person, but I believe that every human under the right(or wrong!) circumstances is capable of violence. I am not excusing it, and I personally do not like it--it makes me angrier that they have pushed me into this! But it is there, and denying it will not make it go away. I don't need to be stuck on this level like I was on the last one.

  Now about that greek word 'orge'--- might that have some more pleasant meaning involving reaching out and grabbing that includes passion but not the angry kind?

  Ravyn
• 

  Undecided

  Hi Ravyn,

  I guess we are all somewhat different and what we have been through and are now experiencing makes us have feelings that are unique to each of us. I have never been hurt by the JWs that I can't take some of the blame myself. Actually I have many happy memories of my days as a JW and think probably we are deceived by many different people in our lives, not just JWs. I have never been angry at the people I knew as JWs. I don't like the leaders of the Borg. but don't really know if they are just as deceived as myself or realize they are a control bunch of idiots.

  I'm probably one of the few who never was dealt with harshly by the JWs. If my family was ostracized because of JW control I would probably be angy too. Also if I was angry for being brain washed then I would have to be angry at myself for bringing others into that condition too. I do feel a little guilty because of that though. At my age I feel that we just live a few years and die and it doesn't make too much difference what happens anyway, so why sweat it, but if someone starts messing with my kids who have their life ahead of them I might go bonkers too.

  I hope you get over your feelings of anger and have a better life with some fun and happiness. We all need that.

  Ken P.
• 

  onacruse

  Dear Ravyn, I really need to re-quote that incredible paragraph you just wrote:

  I think it is a new level I have reached in my recovery. Previously I directed my anger inward resulting in low self esteem, shame, fear and depression. I stayed at that level for years, convincing myself that I had gotten over being a JW and what they have done to me. Then last year I was asked to come back to this board and write something for someone who had a specific question and I stayed around a little longer this time. I stayed long enough to remember the pain that I had convinced myself was gone. All this energy that I have been directing inwardly has taken its toll. Lupus is a hyper-immunity- an overactivity, a misdirected natural protection...see where this is going? I need to let out the anger or it is going to kill me for sure. The lupus is active right now and attacking my left kidney. Remember all the JW symbolism about kidneys and integrity? Well I need to support my own integrity.

  Kate and I had a long talk this morning about this very thing!...how repressed emotions often work down into our physical organism and literally eat away at us from the inside out. Gosh, what complex beings we are.

  Thank you for an invigorating, and enlightening, discussion. We walk the healing road together, eh?

  Craig

  PS: As for the "other" sense of orge...yep. hehe
• 

  Ravyn

  I just found this and thought it might be an interesting item for this topic...

  From PSRA(Pagan Survivors of Ritual Abuse), The Green (The Newsletter of
  Religion: Other), Samhain, 1994. Column Editor: Phoenix MacMorgan
  USAGE: To aid in the healing of those who have been abused.
  APPROPRIATE DAY/NIGHT: New Moon or The Day before Samhain, or any
  day/night.
  REQUIREMENT: A mirror. Burning Sage. String. A contained Fire.
  The leader should cast the circle in whatever manner they feel is most
  appropriate. The Leader should then bring in each participant
  individually, saying, "You are now entering sacred space. Nothing evil
  can remain here, The only bonds that hold you in this circle are the
  bonds that you allow."
  After all are in the Circle, close it, saying, "this Circle is sacred
  space. All here belong to the Gods and Goddesses and to themselves."
  Lead everyone to the East, saying, "This is the East, the quarter of
  Air. " Take burning sage and cleanse each person, saying, "let the wind
  blow and cleanse you from all that has been done to you in the past.
  Breath deep the first breath of your new life."
  Next, go to the South, saying, "This is the South, the quarter of Fire.
  Take a string and loosely bind each persons hands, saying, "This is that
  which binds you, and holds you back from owning yourself. Break free,
  and let the Fire burn away all of your past. It has no hold on you now."
  Allow them to free themselves, then burn the strings.
  Next go to the West, saying. "This is the West, the quarter of water."
  Take Water and bathe each persons hands and face, saying. In the West
  you are reborn, with the water you are made pure."
  Finally go to the North, saying. "this is the North, the quarter of
  Earth. In the earth we bury our past and our grounded in our new lives."
  
  Hold a mirror up to each person and have them look into it and repeat
  after you. "this is my body and mine alone. I reclaim myself as pure and
  holy." It may take a person some time to say the words and face the
  mirror. Don't let them look away if possible.
  Bring everyone back to the center, saying: "you are free. Your Bodies
  are temples and holy and only you decide who shares them and on what
  level. Having reclaimed yourselves, go forth in joy and strength."
  Dismiss the circle. This ritual is very powerful. Do not work it with
  other ritual work, and make sure all participants are aware of what will
  happen.

  Ravyn