Extra Junk in the Trunk?

by rem 30 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  rem

  Ladies and Gentlemen,

  Would it bother you if your mate gained more than a few pounds after the start of your relationship? Would you feel like your significant other changed on you and turned into a different person? I know you would still love them, but I would think that the change would bother most people, maybe make them feel cheated?

  I've had this conversation with several male buddies and we all seem to agree that it's not really a cool thing (for either sex). It's not so much the weight itself, but the change from the person you met to the person they become - at least the physical aspect. Maybe it's a bigger deal for younger people? Do you think it's shallow to feel frustrated if your mate is gaining weight and does not seem to care about his/her own body anymore?

  I've seen a few examples of this when I was still a JW and my friends were marrying early (as I did). Am I a jerk for feeling sorry for the skinny mate?

  rem
• 

  La Capra

  What I think is really uncool, is when they go bald after several years. The nerve, to change from the person I met....Shoshana
• 

  teenyuck

  Well, since you seem to be implying that it is the women who are gaining, perhaps a little lesson in female biology would help.

  Women's hormones ravage their bodies. Not just *at that time of the month*. AKA...on the rag.

  Birth control pills alone are a major cause of weight gain. I am not talking 50 lbs. I am talking 5-10 lbs. Then you get pregnant. Add another 10-20 lbs. you cannot lose.

  Then there is age. Every year your metabolism slows down. The closer you get to 40, the slower it goes.

  Then there are anti-depressants. They cause weight gain also.

  Many women go into *Peri-Menopause*. This is starting menopause in their early 30's. Major changes are occuring in their bodies hormonally. All of this can cause weight gain, without any effort on the womans part.

  Eating right and exercise are not the only answers. Seeing an Endocrinologist for hormonal abnormalities is key.

  I know many skinny men whose wives have gained weight. I know many men who have gained weight with their wives. I know couples who have not gained weight.

  Am I a jerk for feeling sorry for the skinny mate?

  Yes.

  Skinny is a relative term. Define *Skinny*.
• 

  Vivamus

  Uhm ... what can I say ... I'm not the skinniest of people myself (and thats an understatement). My partner wasn't skinny when I met him, but he's getting there now. The basterd, how dare he loose weight when I'm not...

  -

  And the world shall tremble in the wake of the Blue Bubblegum
  Dutch District Overbeer
• 

  bikerchic

  Am I a jerk for feeling sorry for the skinny mate?

  Well I anin't gunna call you a jerk, but I will say this.....

  Weight is a heavy topic!

  People carry more baggage for different reasons, some bioligical, some emotional and some just plain old laziness, calories in calories out, blablabla

  Would you feel like your significant other changed on you and turned into a different person?

  What do you mean turned into a different person. IMHO they are the same person inside.

  It ain't as easy, cut and dry as it seems. One question I would ask is IF it were so easy to be slim and trim doncha think there would be NO fat people?

  Kate
• 

  bikerchic

  teenyuck hit the nail on the head:

  perhaps a little lesson in female biology would help.

  Don't forget that women are made physically to bear children and programed to STORE FAT to nurture every month a *possible* baby. We can't change our bioligical programing. We can't help it that we have those soft curves.

  Whereas men are made to burn fat and grow lean muscle mass, it is their bioligical programing they can't help it that they have all those rippling muscles!

  Kate
• 

  tinkerbell82

  i can sort of see where you're coming from on this one. i'm not a naturally thin person but i work incredibly hard to maintain what genetics didnt hand to me.

  but this is a very slippery slope to be on. if women have to feel like they must be thin to keep their mates happy, that sentiment can quickly spiral out of control. it becomes easy to believe that your whole self-worth hinges on your ability to be thin, that youre nothing if youre not thin, and it becomes easier and easier to sacrifice your health to attain that goal.

  would i be upset if my mate gained a few pounds? not as upset as i would be if he developed self esteem problems, and eating disorder, or worse because of it.
• 

  Rush

  my girlfriend's been away for three months travelling.

  i can't wait for her to return, but i will be a little disappointed if she's starved herself when away and has lost a single one of those nubile curves.(she'll kill me for saying this). she's not overweight by any means but looks great. but ultimately, it matters very, very little.

  Rush
• 

  happyout

  Maybe I read Rem's message differently, but

  A) I don't think he focused on women, he said a couple of times either sex and s/he

  B) I don't think he's talking only about weight gain, but a person's attitude towards their body.

  I can understand certain situations irritating someone. Let's say you are with someone who enjoys physical activity, and the two of you ride bikes, jog, play sports, etc. Then you get married, and that changes. They are content now to sit around, watch TV and snack all evening and on the weekends. Now, being a married mommy, I know your life and schedule undergoes a serious change during parts of your life. But, that doesn't really excuse you from caring enough to do something to keep in relative shape. Whether that's jogging with the baby (there are special strollers for that, but they are expensive) or simply doing crunches and jumping jacks at home, at least it's an effort.

  I speak from experience. I had two babies in a two year time span (my first is in heaven) and the hormones kicked my as*. Add to that the fact that I'm an older mother, and my body just went to hell in a handbasket. BUT, the simple fact is, now that I have started working out, I am losing inches. Slowly, but surele. It seems simple, yet it's really difficult.

  If someone has gained weight because of taking necessary medication, that's an entirely different matter. But if someone's mate has chosen to sit around and gain weight, and shows no concern for their own physical well being, I think it is very fair to express concern and encouragement to get them moving again. Perhaps even a little resentment that now that they have you, they don't have to work to "keep" you.

  Of course, I hate my husband because he loses weight at the drop of a hat, but that's another thread.

  Happyout (one chunky girl's opinion)
• 

  rem

  Happyout,

  It was very difficult for me to come up with the right words for this, but I think you have gotten the gist of what I was getting at. I was not talking about normal biology, I was talking about a substantial change within a relatively short time period while the person is young (early to mid 20's), and if the person is a female, before children.

  I think that a person can feel like they married a different person or was cheated because in many cases* weight is a reflection of how you take care of yourself and can be interpreted as a measure of how much or little that person cares about you. But then again, maybe I'm a jerk.

  rem

  *I say this because I believe we really live in a fat society in the USA. Due to diet and lack of exercise many people are unhealthily overweight. Of course there are exceptions for medical conditions and genetics, etc., but those, I believe, are the minority. In any case the minority is not what I'm addressing here.