LETTER FROM MY DAUGHTER.... NEED YOUR OPINIONS

calamityjane

Okay guys, I need your opinion. My 13 year old daughter was pretty close to my jw parents when we left. I cut off ties last year because of my mom's intrusive behaviour with my daughter.

Today, she spent time at her non-jw friend's house and visiting her friend's grandmother.

Before I got on to the board, I find this letter on the computer desk, addressed to "Mom and Dad" it reads this way:

(this was exactly how my daughter worded the following letter:

today I experienced a "tough" time spending time with Kaitlyn's Nana. ? Cuz I can't spend time with my grandparents (Buba and Gedo). Soooo. like will you let me visit them a couple of times. like who knows one of these days they could die!! (I'd be really really pissed cuz I didn't say those special words to them "I Love you" like you don't have to see them but I would cuz I experienced a tough & rough time.

Luv you lots

TMS

I have a tough time with this, because I need to shield my kids from my parent's especially my mom, because I can't trust her, with the borg mind control. But I know that I can't deny a grandchild their grandparents, and yes I've heard "then have it a supervised access" well to tell you the truth, I can't be in the presence of my mom without feeling contempt or her feeling contempt for me.

It's not like she doesn't have a set of grandparents. We have xjw_b12's parents who love the kids, but they live quite a distance from us and only visit once a year.

cj & xjw_b12

avishai

Not just no, ....but HELL NO! I went thru the same thing at the same age, My (recently deceased ) dad's parents were trying to gain control of my dad's estate, trying to have my mom declared incompetent, etc. etc. But they still wanted to see me, & I them. My mom forbade it, & I fought round & round w/ her. I missed them. But today, one of the few things I KNOW my mom did right was to keep me away from these corrupt, thieving jw monsters. I thank her for it regularly. Say no, undermining parental authority, which you know they will do, is a very abusive thing to do to a child. You are the parent. She is the child, & should she choose to see them in 5 yrs., fine.

SheilaM

CJ: I think your daughter is smart enough not to be influenced by her grandparents. Heck, if you knew the crap I just found out that my father and step-mom said it would make you sick. Funny, in our case it drove Mel to defend us instead of driving her away.

I think it is more important to be mindful of your daughters wishes, then to keep her from them and then risk losing her respect by deny her.

I know it is a tough choice but I have learned that our children are much more loyal and intelligent than we give them credit for. Also, you have to let go bit by bit and this may be a first step. She obviously loves you and respects you just from the way she chose to write and tell you her feelings.

CJ Trust her and trust in you and XJW and I think it will all work out

Hugzzz Sheila

garybuss

Hi, I let my JW parents have access to my sons and they taught two of them that their book publishing corporation has access to immortality and that I am bad association. Today they are Witnesses and shun me and their mother.

If I had it to do over, I would not let a believing, practicing, Witness within 100 miles of my children. Gary

avishai

Amen, gary. (((((garybuss)))))))

shamus

Very tough one, no?

I really really believe that you need to let your daughter see her grandparents... I am sorry to disagree with everyone, but it is her right to do so.

Having said that, you need to have supervised visits, and that's going to be hard. You may have to (gasp) have them over to your house. Could they visit while you are working in the kitchen?

Also, they should not visit unless you have them sign a document insisting that they do not talk about their religion on ANY level with your daughter, otherwise they will lose all privleges of visiting with her. Having said that, YOU NEED TO HAVE IT SUPERVISED, NO TWO WAYS ABOUT IT. They will tell her what kind of pagan you are, and how horrible you are.... you must be there with a listening ear.

If you don't let your daughter see her grandparents, then you are going to make her hate you and the religion will seem a way to rebel against you... that is something that you don't want!

Please, think about your daughters feelings, your own situation, and make the decision based on that. I can't see it from both angles... the only thing that I can say is you MUST, ABSOLUTLEY MUST (sorry for the bold - but it's important! ) ENSURE THAT VISITATION IS SUPERVISED, AND ONLY LIKE 1/2 HOUR AT A TIME.

That stupid religion. It breaks everyone aqart, and it's disgusting.

SheilaM

CJ: Shamus may be right about the supervised visits. YOU know your daughter talk to her, tell her your fears. If she seems hesitant or you think she is naive enough do the supervised visits until she knows what is right and wrong. My daughter did listen about my Mom and the lies they told her but about me she always would tell my Dad " You always hated my Mom." The may have one a round or two but we got her love in the end.

Prisca

I agree completely with everything Shamus said. Allow your daughter to visit her grandparents occasionally, but supervised at all times by yourself or your husband.

Lady Lee

In some places you may have access to a service that is called Child access here. It is a program that offers supervised visits for the non-custodial parent and sometimes grandparents. If you don't qualify there is a service that for a small fee gprovides a similar service. Find out if there is one in your community.

At 13 years old your daughter should know you do not believe in the same religion and that one of the reasons she doesn't see her grand-parents is because of some of their beliefs about turning a child against their parent.

She needs information and lots of it whether she sees them or not. If she still wants to see them then she needs to know what they might try to teach here and why it is wrong. Full disclosure like: she will have to give up her friends, interests, holidays all for the broken promises of a religion.

She needs to know you love her and your first priority is her happiness and safety. Try (if you can) not to get into issues of the grandparents as individuals but issues of the religion they believe. At 13 she could get a lot of this info in a library so let her have it under your guidance

Let her know the other side - her life now. Information is a protection - use it

shamus

Excellent post, Lady Lee!

Also, you should not sugar coat it - call it what it is... A CULT! Explain why it's a cult, give proof, and why you are so concerned.

LETTER FROM MY DAUGHTER.... NEED YOUR OPINIONS

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