Serving a cold dish of JW revenge (the punchline is at the end)

Terry

THE PUNCHLINE IS: (at the end)

Esther had very long, bright red hair like a Disney character and she might have been almost attractive--if it weren't for two things.

1. She was awful
2. She had no chin.
I mean, just don't look at her in profile. That's what I mean.

I, on the other hand, have a magnificent chin. Consequently, we were foreordained to become natural enemies.

She was Esther Brown. Sister Brown to all JW's.(Jehovah's Witnesses).
When her husband died she discovered he was well-insured suddenly very wealthy.
More so than ever before.

Now let's pause a second... A JW sister with a husband who has money is UNDER HIS CONTROL. Without that husband ...the wheels come off the cart. You see?
Repressed emotions give way to unbridled freedom; as in the license to be a real shit.

Unlike most of the members of our local congregation, Esther lived the high life.
New, sleek cars, sparkly bracelets, and frequent trips to exotic lands set Esther and her daughter apart from mere mortals.

She was, on her best day, awful. (Yes yes, my opinion. But not only me.)
I said, her BEST day.

Her daughter was even worse, IMHO. A real Princess. Entitled. Snooty. A champion brat.

We were Jehovah's Witnesses and it was 1960.
The religion was a wee bit different than today. We could have picnics and parties back then.

Esther Brown threw lavish parties! Big show-offy parties.

I was invited even though painfully shy.
(Esther was required to invite EVERY JW, you see.) No wallflower left behind policy.

I was a wallflower.
My best friend, Johnny Santa Cruz was the opposite. He was loud, funny, and knew how to create a vortex in the Space-Time fabric of the Universe.
I sat in his shadow whispering one-liners which he'd repeat and get big laughs.
(I played the role of Cyrano.)
I guess you could say I was an apprentice to Johnny, under-study for the role of LIFE OF THE PARTY.
"How does he managed to be the center of attention?" You may well ask.
I wondered scientifically whilst quietly making it my scheme to achieve a breakout performance someday.

These JW parties inevitably devolved into parlor games and I never participated.
Too shy.
So... I'd been caught sight of and was about to made an example of.

Sister Esther Brown singled me out. At a quiet moment, she stood in front of one and all and pointed to me and spoke in a "stage whisper" (so everyone could hear).

"If you're not going to join in with the rest of us, Terry, why do you even bother to show up at my party?"

_______

Red-faced embarrassment stunned me.
All eyes on me.
Today I'd have a quick retort--not so back then.
I shrugged like the big loser I truly was.

However...inside my limbic gland, I plotted revenge...a dish best served cold, as they say.
________

Shortly after my being "called out", I slunk away and walked home from the festivities. I was oddly satisfied with myself and the time-bomb prank I'd deposited on the way out.

Fast-forward a month or so.
Esther Brown, self-important Sister Brown, was complaining about how she would have to sell her house. Oh, how she loved her house--but it had become uninhabitable!

Real Estate agents couldn't even show the house until the problem was solved.
Not until her furniture was moved into storage did an improvement commence.
Sister Brown and her snotty daughter went on a trip to China in the meantime...remaining for a month.

The house sold.
Sister Brown returned--with a NEW HUSBAND!
He was a Chinese Jehovah's Witness.
We all shook his hand (secretly feeling sorry for his destiny.)
Well, can you guess?
He had a strong personality and ruled over his wife with a hand of iron.
She meekly obeyed. (Freedom wore off?)
Wow!

They built a new home.
Out of storage came the old furniture.
A horror of horrors! The old "problem" was back!

You see--there was an incredible STENCH which would not
go away. A sort of Old Testament plague.
Perhaps it was DEMONS!

Professionals were brought in to determine the cause.
Not the sofa.
Not the curtains.
Not the mattresses or rugs or pillows.

That only left the curtain rods...big brass curtain rods with the end pieces removed revealing putrefying contents.
Revenge is a dish best served ...with tuna.

(I got the idea from a funny book I'd read).

HAPPY ENDING (read on ...)

Sister Esther Brown had a long and happy marriage to her second husband, Brother Wang Chin.

Yes!
Finally, Esther had a Chin.

______

Biahi

How did you get it in there?

Terry

Pull off the end of the rod. Stuff a wee bit o' tuna inside. Put the cap back on.
Easy peasy.

Biahi

Yes, but when?

Mr.Finkelstein

It does make you wonder why woman who are JWS loyally summit themselves to be subservient obedient slaves to men when they seek out a marriage partner. ???

Terry

Biahi
Yes, but when?
______

After I shrugged off the challenge to participate or leave I shrugged and more - or - less ignored Sis Esther's rudeness. I didn't storm out. That would signify a pouty weakness on my part. Gradually, I worked my way out of the room into the entrance area. The front room had broad windows and curtain rods with the pull-off decorative end pieces.
The little tuna bits with toothpick and cracker +olive were just the right size (once the toothpick was removed.
______
PARTY GAME
Years later, a popular party game was called THE WATCHTOWER GAME which was actually a card trick with Watchtowers substituted for playing cards.
Johnny and I were a big hit at these parties.
Nine Watchtower mags were laid out on the floor in 3 rows of 3.
Johnny would leave the room and the group would decide on one particular WT to be the choice to be guessed.
Johnny returned.
I took a broom and pointed one by one to each magazine until he rightly guessed the pre-selected group choice.
A variation, Johnny would return and immediately identify the group's selection without any words spoken or broom stick pointing.
This was very popular! Until...some knucklehead accused us of MAGIC!

JW's were really a very superstitious and unsophisticated collection of people - thanks to the Org's silly indoctrination.

(How the Trick was done)

When Johnny returned to the room, he'd glance at me as he walked in.
My body was a superimposed MAP of the mags on the floor.
For instance: if the middle mag had been chosen, I would stand with the palm of my hand on my belly button.
Easy, huh.

Nathan Natas

I've heard of similar revenge methods using some shrimp as the active ingredient. Decomposing seafood is FOUL!

T, you are the Master Raconteur and Anecdotalist of this and similar discussion boards in universes parallel and perpendicular!

You are a joy to read, Sir!

It's a good thing Ester didn't marry a Wang!

Mr.Finkelstein

That only left the curtain rods...big brass curtain rods with the end pieces removed revealing putrefying contents.
Revenge is a dish best served ...with tuna.

Terry I found your revenge toward this woman immature and irresponsible.

I came across JWS men and woman I didn't like for some reason or another but I never did anything malicious or mean about it.

apostatethunder

I knew one elder that brought a rotten fish to the congregation of a sister that wasn't interested in him.

I hope Jehovah will avenge her.

BluesBrother

Revenge with foul fish aside...... I have known a few "Esther Browns" in my time... The matriarchal types. Old school Witnesses whose influence on tbe congregation is enormous.

These tough old birds sometimes have string of quieter single old ladies who always sat with her in sycophantic adoration.

I tell you, I learned, even as a young 'older man' that you mess with them at your peril !

Serving a cold dish of JW revenge (the punchline is at the end)

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