Thanks everybody. I'm feeling the love and understanding from you and I'm horrified at some of your stories. The cruelty is inhumane.
UPDATE - so saw dad tonight. Still intubated and sedated - basically it's a medically induced coma while his body deals with a systemic infection (pancreatitis). I took your advice and have entrenched myself with the medical team (bringing them cake tonight to say thank you for the care they are taking of dad - that always works a treat! Excuse the pun....) I call regularly and will visit each day. Along with the fact that dad assigned me next of kin - which means that if the hospital is going to call anyone, it's me. The nurses told me tonight that my sister had called but that they had to ask her questions to identify her and she hadn't appreciated that (which sounds just like her) so she is getting along fine in building her lovely reputation with the hospital staff.
When dad wakes up and is feeling better and has recovered a bit, I will let him decide what he wants. If he wants me to continue to look after him then I will happily do so but if wants my sister to, then I will respect his decision and stand aside. At the end of the day, it is his call. He can reflect (and I will help him reflect) on all the times that I have assisted and the things that I have done and how little my sister has actually done - and he can make a decision based on that. If my sister really wants to take him on (he ain't the easiest believe me!) then I'm not going to stand in her way! It's about time she actually did something! Even if her motives are a bit skewed....
On another note, I was talking with dad's sister tonight, giving her the update, (another well-entrenched JW) who asked me how things were going with my sister - I said "not so great". She was quiet for a moment and then said that she had spoken with my sister yesterday and so was just going to come out with it. She asked: "Are you disassociated?" I said: "no". She asked: "Are you disfellowshipped?" I said: "no". I stated that I would not act deceitfully with her or any of my family. If either of those things had occurred, I would say so and leave their decisions to them. She said that I had always acted honestly and with integrity with her and she thought that my answers were the case and what she expected I would say. I told her that my status was inactive - I don't go to meeting and I don't go out in field service. She said "that's between you and Jehovah". I said "yes, that's right" and since I think he is an imaginary sky daddy I'm totally fine with that - I didn't say that by the way.
Anyway, I appreciated her honesty in asking me up front. She then told me what I had long suspected. That my sister was using my inactivity as an excuse to treat me the way she was over perceived grievances on her part. (Three years ago I had stoopidly provided my sister with employment. She initially performed well but after 12 months she started to perform poorly and didn't respond to my very delicate promptings to improve. In the end, I had to terminate the contract - yes, yes, I've now learned my lesson, NEVER employ family! But anyway that's all my fault so she is now treating me poorly because she thinks she has a right to because I'm inactive.)
So I'm a bit more at ease tonight. I understand dad's condition a bit more, there is cause for hope but he has a way to go yet. I understand the family a bit better and have had an opportunity to speak for myself for a change versus the rumour mill.
And I can't thank you all enough for your support and taking the time to comment and provide me some words of wisdom - I really am very grateful and hope that one day I can impart something back (wait, that sounds suspiciously like "an interchange of encouragement" or some such nonsense..... :) )
Love and light to all
Unstuck