I have been to a couple of funerals recently (both of relatives who've never been JW's; however married to JW spouses) and have been APPALLED, ABSOLUTELY APPALLED at how the wishes of the deceased have been ignored and horned in on by JW drivel/dogma.
The most recent funeral was for a relative who didn't even believe in God (was NEVER a JW), but the JW spiel droned on for so long that the deceased's own "worldly" siblings were glancing at their watches in disbelief. One of the siblings had a speech at the funeral ceremony, and was very touching and heartfelt in talking about the deceased's life, but then a JW relative had a speaking part too, and lost everyone from that point on. The deceased's wife is not even a JW, even hinted at being an "apostate", but was raised as one.
I just think it is WRONG. I do NOT want a single mention of "JW", "resurrection hope", "what kind of name have you made for yourself?", or "Razormind did not live her life as one of JW's, but was taught at an early age of what Jehovah has in store for his faithful Ones"---NONE OF IT!!!
I know I'll be dead and all, but it looks like there's something one could do, while still alive, about how their funeral should be handled.
Or am I just crazy? Sorry, some of the incidents have just pissed me off.
(Post has been corrected!) Suppose you don't WANT a JW funeral?!?
by razorMind 16 Replies latest jw friends
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razorMind
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qwerty
razorMind...........
Please fill us in............Uno nota' completla' comprenda'!
Slightly!
Qwerty
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Vivamus
Then you should say "No". What's going on? Your post is blank .....
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razorMind
Sorry, folks.....
I don't know what's going on, but I had an entire post somewhere. I saw it once after I posted it, but none of it was spaced with the paragraphs I typed it in.
I can't deal with the new changes AT ALL...
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razorMind
Okay, I've made the corrections...
Sorry for the confusion...thanks for your patience.
Returning now to your regularly scheduled program..................
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Sentinel
I don't know your age, or whether you have an illness. In any case, don't worry. You can't control if your family would actually have a JW funeral for you UNLESS you do something legally to prevent it or you prepare for your own funeral ahead of time, down to all the details. You can always designate an attorney beforehand and a document can be prepared to give the attorney Power of Attorney to handle your funeral exactly the way you want. It will cost you in attorney fees, but you will have piece of mind. Once the papers are drawn up, you can give your family (whoever would be the ones that might do your funeral) a copy of the documents. They will know ahead of time exactly how you feel.
A member of my family was a baptised JW, rarely attending meetings and never going out in service. At a moment of weakness, he thought he'd do that to please his wife, who was a faithful JW for years and still is. Jointly, they knew lots of witnesses and associated regularly with them. Prior to his death, he made it known to his wife and the rest of the family, that he absolutely did not want a funeral of any kind. He just wanted to be cremated and whatever was done with his ashes could be determined by the family. He prepaid everything through a local funeral home. People were rather shocked when they learned he died and they didn't have a funeral to attend--not even a formal memorial service. But, this was his choice and his wife honored his wishes. She could have gone ahead and done the funeral thing at the KH, but she didn't. He had everything written out in case she was questioned about it. Some relatives did question it. Some got really ticked off. In the end, everything went just as he had planned for himself. The family dispersed his ashes a year later when most of the immediate family to come together at a place of their choice.
Whether you decide to be cremated, or whether you want a regular funeral service, YOU can plan everything ahead of time with the funeral home of your choice, and it will be done. Let family know they are releived of any responsibilites financially, and they usually don't mind attending to the minor details.
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razorMind
Sentinel, thanks for answering!
I'm 32 and generally in good health; I was never baptized but raised by die-hard Elder dad and mom. I just drifted away; I haven't been to a meeting in almost 10 years. I don't consider myself a JW.
I don't know why this has been weighing so heavily on my mind. I just have some pretty strong feelings about this issue. I was so incensed after one funeral that I went home and typed up a funeral directive myself. (BTW, I want to be cremated too. I've already seen one instance where batty relatives who didn't even know the deceased were able to halt a cremation, totally against the deceased's wishes.)
My sister thought that something of this sort can be specified in one's will, is this true? Also, would seeking the services of an Attorney be astronomical in cost? I'm not rich (at ALL). How much money are we talking? Having an attorney assigned as Power of Attorney for my funeral sounds like something I'd seriously consider.
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Prisca
I've always been under the impression that you can specify these sorts of things in your will, too.
If you decide to get a will drawn up, I would suggest you discuss this with a lawyer, who can tell you what to do, and what legally can be done according to your wishes. You could direct that the executor of your will also be the one who organises your funeral arrangements, as detailed in your will. You can nominate anyone to be your executor, it doesn't have to be your parents, for example.
This is something I've often thought about too, yet as I'm only 33 I haven't bothered to do anything about it.
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Max Divergent
I didn't know the KH and an elder would be made available for adults who weren't JW's, or that relitves ever had the chance to participate in anyway in a JW funeral? Seems odd.
I've always wondered what happens and who conducts a totally non-religious funeral? Do the funeral directors just throw the switch and everyone just goes on to the wake?
Max - who's a healthy 33
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El Cid
My personal experience with JW funerals is like this: My father passed away 6 years ago (was an elder in his hall). I, at the time of his death, was considering leaving the organization (I've been out now for about 4 years). Anyway, when he died we made arrangements for his services at the hall with one of the local elders giving his 'memorial' talk. I was reluctant and wanted a 'normal' service at a funeral home, but I was out-numbered at the time (my wife was and still is a Witness and so is my mother). Anyway, about the talk the elder gave - he spent about 3 minutes talking about my father (mostly just factual stuff like his date of birth/death, surviving children, etc.) and the rest of his talk was basically just a plug for the Watchtower Soceity! I was so upset! I loved my Dad dearly and wanted his services to be touching to all who attended - instead I came out of there feeling like I had just been to one those 'special' talks where at the end they try to get non-JWs to start a free bible study (execpt this part lasted 30+ minutes). I remember weeks later (when helping my mother put much of my father's things in storage) I went through his pile of WS materials for elders found a document from that gave basic instructions on how to give a 'memorial' talk for a deceased one (something my father did from time to time when he was alive). I browsed through the document and I remember it saying something to the effect that very little time should be spent on talking about the deceased and that the main focus of the talk is to speak of the 'resurrection' (i.e. Watchtower plug) and that no eulogizing is to be done by anyone. So my advice? If you want to have nice services for you loved ones when they go do it at a convential funeral home or chapel!