Tips for a Slow Fade (page 2)

DesirousOfChange

The toughest part will be replacing your friends. Even if you "fade", you will be persona non grata at social events, etc. You'll find that even those you thought to be your "closest" friends, will at least greatly restrict contact with you. And, as mentioned DO NOT TRUST ANY JW with your doubts or negative feelings. That's scriptural. They will turn you over to the "courts" (judicial committees) thinking they are snatching you out of the fire. Most of them are good and sincere people and wanting to "help" you. Thus it's important to try to build a network of friends at work or with neighbors. (Esp hard if you work with all JW's.)

The next toughest thing will be resigning from serving as an Elder. The CO will get involved and you'll be offered a sabbatical for 6 months, etc. "Why Dear Brother, why would you want to resign that great privilege?" Esp since you can't blame it on wife or kids. So, you better "zero in" on your reason. Job? Stress? Depression? Sick parents? We were "stumbled" by a prominent brother and the BOE, CO, and Service Dept bought his BS story. So, we are "waiting on Joe Hoover" to "fix" the problem. (We just are not waiting IN the Kingdom Hall.)

Resign, but stay steady for a few months so as to stay under the radar. Then gradually drop off Field Circus and meetings. Moving is a great strategy. As you know, elders are busy and most will not work that hard at motivating you. They're having a hard time motivating themselves.

You'll find everyone here willing to listen and to help. Although, many here are perhaps more "disenchanted" with the Organization than what you sound like being. You're likely to learn a lot more (negative) things about the Organization as you hang around here. LOTS of stuff out there that I had no idea of taking place. They do their best to "control" any negative information and they do a good job of it. Expect some "deer in the headlight" moments. You're welcome to PM me if you like. Esp if you want to discuss something that might identify you.

Good luck

Vanderhoven7

To expand your social life try volunteering while fading. .

bsmart

Lots of good ideas here. An old thread here by a former member has quite a few, the search function here is pretty good, but I found this one using google.

https://www.jehovahs-witness.com/topic/34518/on-art-fading

Half banana

Welcome to the real world Aldous and well done for seeing through the charade.

When I realised it was a fraud, I began fading to the point of no fs and not answering at meetings. Eventually I completely stopped going to the meetings, oh my! what a relief that was. When an elder friend called at my house six weeks later, I told him "It (the JW religion) isn't for me". That seemed to stop them taking an interest in me and they just announced at the congo that I was no longer one of J's Ws. That turned out to be the instructions to shun me. So although I was not disfellowshipped, the consequences were the same.

In your situation you may want to take it slower or looser and am I right you have given up being an elder? Anyway here would be three suggestions, 1 yes fade as slowly as you want, 2 never verbalise criticism of the org to JWs, 3 find good friends outside of the organisation.

Wishing you well on your journey and keep in touch, we would love to hear how you are doing.

Huxley1979

Again, thank you all for your kind words and insights!

Steel

You could tell the elders you have been assigned to tract and monitor apostate activity in the area. The orders come from powers well above them and you can’t say anymore about it. If they ask anyone about it they will just deny knowing anything about it.

With your new assignment you will be unable to attend field service or meetings anymore.

1234

Since you have been in the organization a long time you know how it works. The only time they really have any interest in you is when you are coming into it or leaving it.

Like all cults, they really don't like you leaving it. You say you still want these people in your life but you don't want to believe the way they do....that makes sense to you of course because you have stop drinking the Kool Aid but it wont to them.

Bottom line it can be done but it's going to be tricky....It's like making love to the Black Widow spider you might be able to do it but you might get eaten too.

Good Luck

Keith Casarona

WTWizard

First, I would take advantage of the coronavirus scare while it lasts. No zoom. No nothing. Once the boasting sessions and field circus re-open, just pretend to not notice and do not do any of it. And, don't answer the door if the hounders feel like telling you in person that they are opened again.

In fact, now might be a good chance to learn a foreign language that no one in your area knows. In most of North America (unless you are in a few scattered local areas that speaks the language), German is nice due to its reputation of being so difficult to learn. Learn it good enough to tell them, in that language, that you are no longer interested and give a brief description why. They will have a miserable time trying to figure out--and, each time they try holding a meeting, speak in your new language. They will get nothing out of it, and realize that it is probably a waste of their time trying.

Plus, if they are visiting, know the laws regarding a mask. If they don't even have their masks, tell them plain and simple that you are not about to risk catching coronavirus just for a hounding. This is probably the least important thing that should be opening--xian and islam rubbish only help with the global enslavement. They are helping the riots to lead to the end of free speech and gun rights, and the virus to lead to mandatory vaccinations with RFID chips that will lead to us all becoming greys. With that benefit, there had better be absolutely no risk of anything, even a simple cold.

Davros

The other bit of advice I have is, do not trust ANY JW,

What Phizzy said above is absolutely true. Above all, remember those words of advise that Phizzy wrote in his post. Do not trust ANY of them with ANYTHING. They will turn you in and think that it's an act of love. They will tell you disfellowshipping and shunning is an act of LOVE.

I'm going through the same thing as you. All I can say is if you want to keep associating with them for a while, just do the minimum required or what you feel comfortable with at the time.

James Jack

My life mirrors yours. About 4 years ago, I signed up with my local Chamber of Commerce and started attending their monthly luncheons, new business openings, public events etc. I have met some really great people and formed friendships with them. I contacted 3 cousins that I ignored for the last 40 years because of the faith, apologized to them for my detachment, and now I have meaningful relationships with them. Went to my 40 year High School reunion for the 1st time, a friend from High School was the lead singer in the band and invited me to sing a Beatle song that we used to sing in high school on stage. It's like we never missed a beat.

Then, I contacted my best friend from high school on Facebook, apologized to him for dumping when I became a JW at age 22. My wife and I stayed with him and his wife for 3 days and had a blast. Now, they are coming to spend a week with us. My point is, you need to take the first step in reaching out. I'm very involved with my community now. We stopped going to the meetings a year ago. One Elder and two current CO's have been texting me a lot lately, I just text back, "I'm heartbroken and depressed that we are well into the 21 first century and that The End, that was supposed to come before the end of the 20th Century never happen. My wife and I have a combined 38 years of Regular Pioneering, Monthly RBC Projects, Convention, Assemblies work because we believed the Organization!"

Now, I'm 61, tired, broke, have no retirement, and working 3 jobs trying to survive. "Where is this promised paradise?

Tips for a Slow Fade

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