Got a call, my dad is in hospice... (page 2)

berrygerry

Complete class on your part.

Losing a parent is a forever moment.

Your actions will bring you solace for decades to come.

Respect.

Wasanelder Once

There is no doubt in my mind that your visit brought him some peace. It seems to have done that for you. All the best Dubby.

smiddy

Reading between the lines , maybe your father had regrets about shunning you and wanted to be at peace with you before he died . I don`t know , just saying.

"It`s crazy how they turn relationships on and off at will"

Ain`t that the truth .

Take care dubstepped ,

smiddy

JWdaughter

I'm glad you get some goodbye time with your dad. I hope your mom wakes up. She has backbone-that bodes well.

Why don't we all schedule memorials for our loved ones and invite non JW relatives and friends and JWs who actually want to remember our loved ones, rather than JWs who just want to control their memories even after death?

dubstepped

I like that idea JWdaughter. In the end, my relationship with both of my parents was strained since I was a child. Lots of emotional abuse and then, of course, religious abuse. I have good memories but revisiting them brings up lots of pain too. I agree though that for healthy families such a non-JW memorial is a great idea. We were so isolated from any other family that there really wouldn't be many non-JWs to share memories with. I love the idea for better circumstances though.

Lostwun

How are you holding up Dub?

dubstepped

Update:

My dad died on Monday. I'm honestly not that shaken by it and I think people are put off by that. I said my goodbyes last year when I DA'D in my goodbye letter to my family. I had closure. I think the biggest place I struggled was in being pulled in from shunning, thrust back into the family dynamic, only to have it disappear again. It's a mind-fuck.

I had told my my dad that I might come back and decided against it because we ended things so well. So I texted my mom to let her know to which I was told that it wasn't expected that I would come back anyway and that it was a one time act of mercy. That didn't feel great.

I was called when he died. I've done my best to just let my mom talk when she has me on the phone. I'm there for her as much as I can be, but this is clearly just a business transaction that will be wrapped up shortly.

I found out from a relative on Facebook that his memorial would be on Sunday. Mom never told me about it. She did, however, call me to let me know that obviouyi wouldn't be there, but would it be okay to use my name as one of his sons in the talk. Would it be okay to use my name in the KH. I said of course, as last I checked I was one of his sons.

So, my biggest upheaval isn't over his death. To be blunt I hated him as a kid and once got up in the middle of the night and grabbed a knife to kill him in his sleep. He was very emotionally abusive. I wanted him dead. But over the years I tried hard to repair our relationship and spent the past several years taking him to ballgames, out to eat, fishing, etc. I saw a different size of him then that I enjoyed up until him yelling at me in our conversation about "the gays".

My upheaval is just over the drama surrounding the way I'm disregarded in parts of this as an ongoing thing. It's just all messed up. It hurts, or is confusing, or something. I can't quite put my finger on it but I feel something.

I've had a camping trip planned with friends this weekend for months. While my entire family is at his memorial, I'll be out enjoying nature. It feels wrong on a level, but I know that I don't want to be at his memorial anyway. I hate the elders at that KH and have bad history with them. To walk in and be shunned will draw all attention to me. The talk will be given by people that had no clue who he really was. I'm avoiding potential danger because I could be provoked by two specific elder's to take their heads off. So my weekend plans couldn't be better for me.

FayeDunaway

Dubstepped I would do something for your dad during your camping trip. Maybe say a few words for him around the fire one night. Have your own small Ceremony. Read Psalm 23. Sing a song.

It's going to be more meaningful than any witness memorial.

I'm glad there are good parts about your relationship with him that you can remember.

ToesUp

So sorry for your loss dub.

I would do exactly as you are doing. You said good bye to your Dad. That is the important thing. You are a good son.

Enjoy your camping trip this weekend.

Lostwun

I hurt for you dub. I'm sorry to hear about your fathers passing. I don't fully know your family dynamics but allow yourself to grieve in your own way. I'm sorry that once again your remaining family have pushed you away. I do hope you can heal from this and move forward which you seem to be doing already.

In the words of one of my favorite artist Lauryn Hill : "Forgive them Father for They Know not What They Do."

Forgive them for their ways because unfortunately they are captives of WT ideology.

Sending Big hugs your way MAN! Enjoy your trip this weekend enjoy the nature and clear your head.

Lost-wun

Got a call, my dad is in hospice...

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