must see TV, child molester gives inside info about what makes him "tick" so to speak. Something all of us should watch.
Oprah Talks to a Child Molester today at 4p dallas time
by wednesday 21 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse
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Francois
I couldn't watch. What happened?
francois
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Big Tex
I heard about this on LambsRoar. I was all set to watch, but Nina and I had to go through her father's papers all afternoon (we're meeting with a lawyer tomorrow; ice permitting). I'm really bummed I didn't get to see it.
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Billygoat
Jay was the child molester. He molested and preyed on young boys for 20 years. He was married and towards the end of that 20 years he began molesting his 3 year old daughter. He continued that for two more years. When the daughter was 5 she blew the whistle to her mother. Jay was arrested and convicted of molesting his little girl. He served 10 years in prison and has since been released. He's been out for several years and in recovery. It's been 12 years since he's molested. He is currently a full-time advocate of Megan's Law, which is the law the many states have where a child molester must register with the state as to their living quarters.
A couple things I found interesting about Jay. He was extremely honest and articulate and not a very emotional man. He is very obviosly in some type of therapy and it sounded like it might have been 12-step related. (He had the 12-step "lingo".) He said he feels he is now a "guest" in today's society. He does not make himself too comfortable in this world, nor does he expect people to look at him as a peer. He feels his "coming out of the closet" from his past is what keeps him accountable. Anytime someone reaches out their hand in friendship to him, he explains to them that he is a convicted child molester. He says not once has someone turned him away with rude words. He said in fact, that most are very surprised by his honesty and appreciate it in order to protect themselves or their children.
He never once made an excuse for his behavior - he said he always knew it was wrong when he was doing it. When he molested, he just didn't allow himself to think of the immorality or the harm he was causing the child. When he molested his daughter, he excused it (at that time) as an expression of love to her. When he molested young boys off the street, it was always in exchange for money and never an emotional attachment.
I still have to let the episode sink in, but I do admire his honesty. I think it takes a lot of courage to admit that you're that ill and that you're a danger to another person. He says he stays straight now by his openness and hopes that it helps other molesters to come out of their past and start helping the community to heal as well. His community and all of his friends keep him accountable. He said also that he continuously goes to counseling and realizes it is a lifelong committment to staying clean. He does not let himself in situations where he knows he will lust after a child. And yes, he admitted to still lusting after children. He just asks himself after that lustful moment, "Is it worth it to you to ruin that kids' life, like you did your daughter's?" He mentioned at one time he got off the bus he was riding because a handsome young teenage sat beside him. One he knew he would be attracted to if he sparked up a conversation with him. So he removed himself from the tempting situation.
I think his brutal and somewhat painful honesty is what's helping this man. Not just honesty to the community around him, but his brutal honesty to himself. He said he realizes that the honesty doesn't always cut it with people. He knows that most will never trust him and he's okay with that. He's willing to take that burden on as a penance to society for what he's done. He knows that's a lifelong penance that he must experience.
That's all I can remember for now. I'm sure others will have some thoughts. But I thought in all, it was very well directed. It was interesting hearing a molester's side of the story. As you can see, I'm still in the cerebral processing of it. I'm not sure how I emotionally feel about the show yet.
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joannadandy
Does anyone know his history? Was he abused or molested as a child? (Not that it matters, just curious)
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teenyuck
He did say he was molested and now I believe he is a monk....I forgot it was on and caught the last 20 minutes...
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Billygoat
Yes, he said he was molested starting at age 13. They didn't really address that portion of his life. He said he knows it's not an excuse for his behavior today.
Did anyone else watch it? I'm curious as to everyone else's viewpoint.
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wednesday
One thing the molester did dsy that really caught my attention was-
if society can't offer the offender some tye of hope of a life after jail, therapy, and all that, then most will just continue molesting. he saied he was determined to wear his "scartlet A" and earn his respect back. He said if he could not offere that kind of hope to others, people would have no incentive for change.
he was honest, but still crepy, in that, i still did not believe him that he would not molest agiain , if he could have.
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Inquiry
I watched the show yesterday and I too found it very revealing...
It was kinda weird watching a sexual predator warn about sexual predators... but it was very informative... Points I thought were especially important...
- Pedophiles are never cured... we've heard that before, but never from a pedophile.
- I think Jay still has some denial about having molested teenage boys for sex.. he doesn't see those as "relationships". He seems to define those encounters differently than the encounters he had with those like his daughter.... She was 3 when he started molesting her... He said what he did to her too.. he was very forthcoming.. but I couldn't help but feel the willies when he talked about that.
- He's definately looking for absolution. I found it strange when Polly Class' father was on and said he received lots of mail from pedophiles... What is that about? Do therapists think that is a good exercise for pedophiles... Apologize to the Class'... I felt so bad for the father, it looked like he could strangle Jay.... and who could blame him... and there was a moment that was so subtle... but Mr. Glass pointed it out... that Jay had vowed that he would never molest again, but at the beginning of the program he said he couldn't promise he wouldn't. I thought that was interesting...and telling.. that Jay could be fooling himself.. The letter Jay read and sent him, it looked like Jay was looking for forgiveness or understanding from him.. Class didn't give him an inch... Class was clearly repulsed by him and given his situation... I can't blame him at all....
- I was troubled by the sympathy Jay got. Hell, for a few minutes there, I even felt sorry for him... It's like feeling sorry for the tiger that's presently eating you alive just because the poor thing is hungry. There was definately an emotional pull... it was like oh, this guy is this personable and articulate, a neighbour and friend.. meanwhile the guy is a monster and possibly a ticking timebomb.... I admit I like what he's doing now... coming forward, and supporting Meagan's Law.. but I wouldn't be inviting the guy over for tea anytime soon.. If you get my meaning.
- I couldn't help but wonder what the kids he molested looked like and how they were doing now.. I wondered about his daughter. He hasn't seen her since she outed him... she was 5... that was 20 years ago... and someone told him that if she's over 18 and she hasn't been in contact... she doesn't want contact... he was clearly interested in re-establishing a relationship with his daughter... I was kinda disappointed that he got to make that plea on national television. It was one of those things Oprah probably couldn't control, but for his daughter it may have been a bit much.... I sure hope someone warned her that he was going to be on the tube and that it was gonna be Oprah's show... that would have been quite a shock if she hadn't been warned first.
- he's now a buddhist monk and he has to work with people who commit sexual crimes... hmmmm... interesting...
- I'm glad he's in treatment... and I think he's right that sexual predators who aren't in therapy are dangerous and will offend again... I totally agree that there needs to be a place for them... if not jail... then where... but if Jay were to weaken... then it's the community where he lives that would suffer...
oh well that's it for now.. I gtg
Inq