Sweet Wendy,
I haven't known you very long, and already you're one of my favorite people on the board. I look
for your posts and always learn from them, and admire your warmth and kindness to others.
When I started posting on H2O about 15 months ago, I tried so hard to keep up with every
post and every person there. I wanted to be the universal crying towel, comfort zone, friend
and confidant to everyone there who needed one. I even signed up to be a moderator.
What happened? I burned out. Quickly. It wasn't that I ran out of compassion for others, that
I didn't care anymore or let the idiots of the board (and there are idiots on every board) get to me.
Looking back on it now I think it was the whirling dervish of emotions I was going through all
at once. As JW's a lot of us supressed our feelings for so long, and god knows that especially
we ladies weren't allowed to have opinions. So this freedom of being able to go onto a board,
tell someone exactly what I think of their post/opinions, etc etc, was a bit intoxicating at first.
Then I realized, sometimes its better not to waste your breath. You have to pick your battles.
Rick at H2O once posted to me about the fact that I was "swimming with sharks" and over time,
I would learn to wear a suit of armor to fend them off. In a way, I have.
COMF, the wise (yes that is your new title now, COMF: "COMF The Wise ;) ) warned me about
giving away all of myself until there was nothing left. I learned a lot from that.
You very well may have changed from visiting the message board. Likely you've heard more
horror stories of people who've had their lives destroyed by the Borg than you ever imagined.
Sometimes it gets to be too much. It does for me, even now after so long. Sometimes I have to
take a few days to catch my breath.
I give all the sincere support I can give to folks who need it: then when I'm tired, I say "I love
you all, but I have to take a few days to put the wind back in my sails" and then I do. I sleep,
read books if I can, just do anything to take my mind off the aftermath of being raised
one of Jehovah's Witness.
I know that I have changed since I started posting on these forums. But I wouldn't go
back to the way I was for anything. I was isolated, I didn't believe that anyone could know
how I felt. Now I know otherwise, and that has been worth the tears, sleepless nights, and anger
that I didn't know where to put. Maybe you feel the same way.
Reading The Four Agreements really helped me. Yoga helps me. Being with my husband and
child helps me, as does the comfort and comaraderie I have with many here. You have to find
what works for you, and then elevate yourself to a priority so that you take time to do the things
that soothe you.
I have gotten back so much more as far as friendship than I have given, that is something
that I can tell you for sure.
You have to do what is best for you...step back or stay in and decide which posts are worth
your time and replies...as others have said not everything on any board will be worth reading.
Just do your best, and remember to take care of Wendy while you're trying so hard to
take care of everyone else. I care about you, and I hate to see someone so sweet
be so hard on herself.
Hope this makes sense, I'm not firing on all cylinders today *lol*
*hugs*
Es
p.s. as a nearly five year veteran of the internet and chat rooms, I can tell you that there is
SO much to what Think4oneself said about the problems of not being able to see expressions
and hear tone of voice when talking to people online. Justin and I have been through this
with a lot of online friends over the years. It's hard, sometimes you have to repeat things
several times to clarify what you mean. You get used to it after awhile...
The Four Agreements:
Be Impeccable With Your Word
Don't Take Anything Personally
Don't Make Assumptions
Always Do Your Best
