FARTING IN THE KINGDOM HALL.

by nightwarrior 37 Replies latest jw experiences

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  nightwarrior

  HERE WE GO AGAIN

  I was lead to beleive that cleanlinness was next to godliness,That jehovah is a clean god,

  As we as a family sat down behind ( being the operative word ) a couple of elderly sisters ,arriving late we took the only seats available,even then we caused disruption as we even i were fighting over the seats as to where one would sit ,sure enough i allways seemed to end up in the firing line of these elderly fat arsed sisters,whom allways ended up farting in your face,the smell was so strong that you could actualy taste the stench it in the air 10 minutes later,i allways felt sick ,my children grinning at me as they knew what was going to happen next, phew, here we go again no warning, just the smell of rancid dead putrifying dead flesh, one of these sisters claimed not to have had a bath or shower for at least six months ,and this was in a rich congregation in london england,i mostly spent my time at the back of the hall

  HOW DID YOU COPE YOURSELF
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  Elsewhere

  You need to tell those women... "Damn girl! Smells like something done crawled up inside you and DIED!"

  (I think Jeff Foxworthy said that)
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  cruzanheart

  We had book study in our flat in Sydney back in 1970, and there were a couple of old Scottish sisters who strongly resembled George I's mistresses (elegantly nicknamed by the British press The Elephant and The Maypole) who attended. Both of them always had strong B.O., and one evening the Maypole backed me into a corner and gave me a severe lecture about how taking too many baths would ruin my skin. She said I'd have leathery skin if I bathed too much! Well, I thought, better to look like a boot than smell like one, but I was polite to my elders and didn't say anything. Didn't breathe either. Whew!

  Nina
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  ashitaka

  There was this old guy whose farts didn't stink, but man, were they loud. Rapid repeat fire farts. Stunning.

  ash
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  Angharad

  There was this old guy whose farts didn't stink, but man, were they loud.

  Nothing like those cheap plastic KH seats to really amplify the noise!

  Edited by - angharad on 31 January 2003 11:8:19
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  calamityjane

  Rapid Repeat fire Farts? Ashitaki LMAO

  I don't remember anyone farting in our hall. But there was a brother that would pick his nose, roll it between his fingers and then flick it into the Air. We would never sit near him or in front of him as you never knew where those little goobers would fall. YUCK
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  Country Girl

  We always generally sat in the back few rows of the Kingdom Hall since there were so many of us kids, someone would have to be taken out eventually to be swatted. One time my little brother blew the loudest fog horn fart that ever graced the Kingdom Hall seats, and nearly blew out the sisters with their babies in the second back room! This, during a prayer. Needless to say, all four brothers, and myself, started laughing and then the whole row behind us was snickering. He was only four. He looked at his older brother and whispered: "Did ya hear that one?" LOL

  Fun memories.

  CG
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  Shakita

  Beware the little kiddies who think nothing of passing gas loudly.......and enjoying the attention afterwards....

  Mrs. Shakita
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  Marvin Shilmer

  I leaked out a silent killer once while giving a public talk.

  When everyone else was busy trying to find a citation from Habakkuk I was busy trying to relieve myself, silently. It turned out to be one of those longuns you have to carefully regulate the pace of or else make some serious noise. I was successful, but while I was reading the text of Habakkuk my lungs were confronted with the likes of which they had never known. Besides shedding tears from the fumes, it was all I could do to contain my laughter. This thing was a pure unadulterated stink bomb!

  Next thing you know, two sisters sitting right in front of the lectern looked at each other exchanging exaggerated soured looks. They were absolutely disgusted. One of them rushed out fanning the air. Again I was fighting to contain my laughter.

  This thing slowly spread back about two more rows before the deadly concentration dispersed to modest effect. By the to and fro rustling it almost looked like the near audience was doing a mini version of the wave.

  The funniest thing was a 10-year-old boy sitting within range. He looked at me straight in the eyes, sized me up and gave me that WOW that was a good one look. You cant fool a child when it comes to these sorts of things. They know the look. We both exchanged grins, knowing perfectly well what each one was silently saying to the other. He knew I was the responsible party, and he knew I knew he knew it was me. My grin acknowledged his suspicion.

  I forget which talk was presented.

  What is our life if we cant enjoy the finer moments of it?
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  Mac

  Believe it or not....there are some topics that even I won't reply to!

  mac