As you all may remember, I left the organization 4 years ago - never DF'd, never dissassociated, just left. My parents initially tried everything they could to get me to come back but to no avail. They've never really shunned me because we still talk on the phone, but seeing that we live on the opposite coasts, I've only seen them once in 4 years.
We've had discussions on my beliefs and what not before, but it's been awhile. Last night, I talked with my dad and he asked how Elizabeth and I were doing. He then asked if we lived together, and I said "Yeah, we've been living together." (I assumed my mom told him, but she didn't). I knew he'd start in on me, I was waiting for him.
He said that since we live together (and have sex), God will not bless our efforts and our marraige is bound to fail!
I said, "What credible evidence or statistics do you have to support that? Do those that have sex before marraige have a higher divorce rate than those that don't?"
DAD: "I think you'll find the statistics will support that."
ME: "I doubt it. Regardless, for me personally, it would not have worked had I married the first girl I dated. That obviously would have been a mistake. I know you, being an elder, have seen countless couples, a year after getting married, in the elders room at each others throats because they can't stand each other. The reason they got married was because they needed a sexual release and they jumped on the first person they felt was suitable marraige material. That's not what I want to happen to me - I never want to go through a divorce, so I'm taking every precautionary step available, and getting to know someone sexually before you marry them has definite advantages."
DAD: Well, be assured that Jehovah only blesses marraiges that are holy and chaste before his eyes....(blah, blah)
ME: Well, if you're going to take every word in the Bible literally and apply the fornication scriptures to me, then you have to apply "God will ruin those ruining the earth" to yourself, because every time you get in your car, you are ruining the earth. So I guess we're all going to die.
SILENCE.
He stumbled for a way to get out of it - said that it doesn't work that way....yadda yadda. I told him he cannot do that. He cannot say which scriptures apply and which ones don't. He says he doesn't, God tells us. Went back and forth on that for a bit...
Then I asked him if he had any religious studies before he met the Witnesses. NO. He had read part of the bible before, but that's it. Then I asked him if he did any research on the religion before joining. (I got this from a post on this site awhile back!) He asked what kind of research - I said "just like you'd research the VIN # of a used vehicle before buying it." (Good illustration because he's worked in the automotive industry all of his life.) He hesitated and said no. I told him that in order to find out factual information, you have to cross reference material, you can't rely on one source, because if it's tainted or biased, your knowlege will be tainted and biased as well. If you get your information from several different sources and they all say the same thing, then you're on the right path. I said I too am in search of the truth, that's why I read as much material as possible about the history of the earth, the history of religion, christianity AND organizations such as JW's, from the start to the present.
DAD: Well you must realize that a lot of information out there that is against JW's is from people that have left and are bitter towards the organization.
ME: Yeah, but not all of it is. A lot of it has nothing to do w/ former members. A lot of it is pure history. Anyone with a trained mind can determine whether or not a document is laced with biased opinions regarding the subject.
SILENCE.
I didn't pursue it any further. I felt that if I said too much it would scare him off or something. He asked me why I left (i've explained to them at least 10 times and they still never seem to hear me). I told him that my expectations of the organization were shattered when I spent 5 years at the HQ. I said I've seen the inner workings of the organization, something he's never done before.
DAD: What expectations were shattered?
ME: I thought it was this spiritual, righteous haven, and although there are spiritual-minded people there, it's a BUSINESS. It's a CORPORATION, dad - and they do things just like any other corporation does things - their main concern is STAYING IN BUSINESS. That's what's it all about.
SILENCE.
Then I told him I had to go. I didn't want him to come back with anything - I want him to seriously thing about just the few things we discussed. I've been afraid to talk to him like that because we still talk on the phone periodically and I don't want to give them any reason to totally shun me, so I've been holding a lot in, and well...a lot came off of my chest.
I hope he'll take some of it to heart - my folks mean well and have excellent heart conditions - they truly only want to do what is right - I hope somehow they will see what it's all about too.
I've been trying to find some stats that would indicate if marraiges where couples don't have sex until they are married are more successful than those that don't - no luck yet. Anyways, just thought I'd share this w/ everyone...I'm kind of nervous about what may happen as a result of the conversation, but it felt really good to get it off of my chest as well. We'll see what happens!
cheers,
back2dafront