To Farkel... My Dad Died Today (page 4)

Farkel

Doug,

I just got on the board and saw this. I have tears in my eyes now. There were so many things I wanted to share with your father. I shared everything I needed to say with my father and when he died last year, I had already mourned the coming of his death for several years before I had to face it. I still cry tears over my dad. I loved him, despite all his faults. I love him now. I still "speak" to him. He taught me how to fix almost anything, he championed everything I tried. He was always my biggest cheerleader. He never found fault with me. That big, uneducated and simple guy, "Duke" was my dad and I miss him so. He was always there for me. He became a dub not because he believe that crap, but because my mom bullied him into it, and even then, he made that religion his own. He was the old man who used to love spending his Saturday mornings peddling magazines. My mother never bothered to do that. She was above that. She was "anointed."

Sorry, Doug. This reply is not about my stuff, but I wanted to use it to let the folks who don't know about me and us know a little bit about my life. This post will be my eulogy to your father.

When I was a boy, and we moved to Granger, Utah and we had no Kingdom Hall there. It was still out in the "sticks." We all drove the miles to the Murray Congregation before we had our own Hall. Doug was a pup. We finally got some land and were ready to build our own hall. And Dick Kelly was the man who was to be the Presiding Overseer. All the other "mature" witnesses didn't even come close to his qualities and qualifications. Dick was a very young man then, but had the proper qualities and Watchtower Credentials(tm). There was Charlie Delullo a drapery installer (great guy with a great sense of humor), Carlos Jones, Cy Peterson, my own Dad and some others who were in line to help run the congregation. I vividly remember the building of the Granger Hall. Those were great days. I was like 13 or 14 years old at the time. Doug Kelly was probably not even potty trained then. Dick Kelly was in charge and we hauled bricks and hod and every weekend we worked like crazy to get it up. The female dubs and their female daughters would spread out a feast for us at lunch. We were all so bright-eyed, naive and just happy to be a part of it.

I gave many, many talks in that Hall. I was married in that Hall on September 9, 1967 to the one, great love of my life. Dick and Verona and their three little ones were always present and always giving positive vibes and good cheer to us. I remember Doug as this little guy in this little suit (and ever-so-serious look on his face) as being the PERFECT dub kid.

I moved to Southern California in April, 1967 and proposed to my great love who lived in a neighborhood close to Granger, Utah. I flew back in September of 1967 to be married in that Hall that was also my Hall from 6th grade until then. I didn't ask Dick Kelly to marry us. I didn't understand Dick Kelly back then. We called him "Jelly Belly" when I was a kid. I was a jerk dub kid. He was the leader in the Cong. and therefore in our minds he was like an enemy. But he never acted like an enemy. He was just doing his job according to Watchtower rules. He was NEVER unkind to me, NEVER said anything that hurt me, NEVER invalidated me and was always there for me. I just didn't know that at the time. I was a jerk teen and thought that all adults were my enemy. Including Dick Kelly who, unfortunately had the job for enforcing Watchtower rules.

I lied on my hours as a pioneer then. I'm sure Dick Kelly knew I was lying, but he never said a word about it.

Dick Kelly had one of the heartiest laughs I've ever heard. When he laughed, he LAUGHED. This sticks in my mind. He was an adjuster (I hope I have this right) for Fireman's Fund for many years and as my own mother told me, made pretty good money for a guy who could have been anything he wanted to be, but sold it all out for the Watchtower Lying Corporation.

There are more stories, but I'm being long-winded here. Doug's mother and my mother are best friends: two nut-balls who found each other and cannot stay away from each other.

I didn't know some things about Doug's mom before we finally connected after over thirty years, but she was also one of my favorite people and still is. She was always cheerful and upbeat and always the "healer" trying to bring me and my own mother back together. I spoke with her right before I buried my own dad and she was the ever-effervecent Verona I remember growing up around. Verona spends her ministry with the old people in homes. This is good. She is a good woman. I know that she's not perfect, but as I said, she is still one of my all-time favorite people.

I wished I would have taken the time to get to really know Dick Kelly, the man.

I'm sorry I didn't do that Doug. I'm still in tears and can say no more right now. Life is so fucking short and so fucking cruel sometimes.

Farkel

minimus

In all seriousness, Farkel, This is one of the reasons we all like you so much. BTW, anytime we tease you, it's done with affection.

Big Tex

I have thought long and hard about not attending the funeral. There are some reasons why I won't.

I don't mean to intrude on such a personal matter, so please excuse me. But I was in a similar situation with my family 14 years ago. My JW mother died of cancer and my family told me not to attend. I could have gone and forced my way in as I don't think anyone would have stopped me, but I chose not to. Not because I was intimidated, but because I knew I didn't belong there anymore. The funeral was cold and hypocritical and I was deliberately ignored in the funeral talk. Several days after the funeral I went to her gravesite and had my time.

I've never once regretted not attending her funeral. I just wanted to share that with you. Take care.

LyinEyes

Doug and Farkel, you both have truly touched my heart. I guess all the things you have said have helped me to see how much I truly miss my father. I don't think I will ever get to say goodbye to him, or even see some kind of peace between us, in his eyes before he leaves this world.

My dad is not an old man , but in our family strokes and diabetes get you before the rest. My dad is already diabetic and honestly I wonder everyday if he is still alive.

I went to a halloween party/ family reunion last week, and today is the only day I havent cried, until now. My dad wasnt there, of course, but his absence broke my heart. My uncle, his brother next to him in age is a carbon copy of him , in looks. I found myself in tears , staring at my uncle,wishing it was my dad, holding his grandchildren like my uncle was.

I realize that if my dad dies, I need to say my goodbyes. I can't do it now, but I might write a letter soon to tell him how I feel , leaving religion and the past out of it. Something simple , something to the fact that one day we will meet somewhere, a place were there is forgivness for all parties involved. In this life , there is no place for that, at least not in his eyes I guess. It would be nice if there is a heaven, and he is there , and when I go, he will see I am not an evil apostate. I guess that is what is so sad having to wait.

I am glad Doug that you feel you are making the right choice about attending your dad's funeral. I know when I go to my dad's it will not be under anyones terms but my own.

All I want in my case, is to just be alone in the room with my dad, to see him one final time. I don't want anyone around to hear what I say, or see me cry. I used to say , I wouldnt be there, I didnt want to go. I still don't want to see the JW's or his wife. I just know , almost at this very moment, for the first time ,the need to do it that way, to just say goodbye , just he and I .

I guess I am saying this Doug, because if you have just a little desire to say goodbye to your dad , you have every right to do so on your terms. Don't let others by their presense steal this from you if you decide you might want to do that.

Hugs to you and your family with deepest sympathy, even thou I don't know you or your dad, you have given me alot to think about tonight. Thank you for sharing this with us, I know it is a hard time for you and I wish you comfort. Dede

fairy

i feel so sad for you about your loss............

mouthy

Please accept my deepest sympathy Doug.Remembering God examines the heart! Your Dad sounds as if he had a good one...

"I give you MY peace-Not as the world gives it" Isnt that what your experiencing( even in such a great loss) ? Your Dub relations are NOT experiencing that INNER peace- Your Dad has made it!!

God be with you as you walk in this valley////

Grace

Cowboy

Sorry to hear this Doug,you have my deepest sympathies.I've lost my dad,and now my mom is just barely hanging on,so I understand alot of how you feel.

Though my siblings and I have been inactive for a long time,and my parents remained in the organization,they never thought about shunning us.They wouldn't shun my cousins who were disfellowshipped either.Our aunts and uncles and cousins that are "in" don't shun us either (even though they absolutely shun some of their own children and siblings).I know it's because we're not df'ed,but it really shows how dumb their rules are.

Anyway,we chose to have a JW elder give the "talk" at my dads funeral (it was held in a funeral home) out of respect for the fact that it was his belief.We'll do the same for my mom.The elder who did my dads service (and hopefully my moms) is a genuinely good guy,and he talked more about my dad,and less about resurection than any other JW funeral I've ever been to.It's still painful,though,to listen to that rhetoric.

I can respect your decision though,Doug.Under the circumstances,I might do the same thing.You know in your heart how you feel about your dad,and he knew it.too.That's what counts...

Again,my deepest sympathies.

Cowboy

Edited by - riz on 30 October 2002 13:14:8

To Farkel... My Dad Died Today

Farkel

minimus

Big Tex

LyinEyes

fairy

mouthy

Cowboy

patio34

blondie

riz

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