... there i was self-centered in the forest, up to my elbows in cement mortar, trying to build a stone wall by wrestling order from the chaos of crooked rocks strewn about me, when a strange car comes loping down the track toward me. ... an old but well kept Holden Commadore .. "mmm" .. thinks me .. "prob'ly that boofhead building inspector again"
I try to ignore it but on secord glance, no it isn't a dream, it's still rumbling this way. The car stops two gleaming white doors fly open and out step two big blokes in gaudy suits with wide lapels and big fat ties .. I start getting flashbacks! ... "g'day, we're Jehovah's Witnesses" the younger flashback says "we haven't come to bash you with the bible or anything, we just wanna show ya our latest magazines" Shit this flashback's getting beyond a joke! my brain immediately swings into gear ...
braincell 1: "jesus fuck'n hell .. trapped by Elders in the bush .. what should i do?"
braincell 2: "Calm down, don't panic! ... let's have some fun."
braincell 1: "good think'n b2 .. big one looks like a PO .. younger bloke sounds like a sugarbag full o' steaming hot manure fresh from the borg"
braincell 2: " Let's just act natural and see what happens"
braincell 1: "OK .. gee this valley must be in a timewarp .. you see them duds? In Sydney JW's only come dressed like the blues bros ... except fer BATHORY .. lol"
braincell 2: "LOL!"
****
unc: "g'day, fellas, i could talk about the bible for days but I'd rather not"
bro sugarbag: "Oh bad experience eh?"
unc: "No, life is what you make it. I'd just rather not talk about religion today"
elder dub: "I see you're building a stone wall .. it's looking good"
unc: "it's just a matter of knowing which ones to gather together and which to reject"
bro sugarbag: ""yes, the bible says ...
unc: "sorry, i'd rather not talk about religion today"
elder dub: "have you been here long?"
unc: "give or take a year, but like armaggedon, i couldn't tell ya the day or the hour"
bro sugarbag: "yes we don't know when Armaggedons comming do we?"
unc: "truer words were never said" (braincells 1 - 14 chuckle thier nuts off)
unc: "how long have you blokes lived in the valley?"
elder dub: "I've been here all my life"
unc: "how exciting"
bro sugarbag: goes off with his lifes story .. Sydney, Darwin ... bankstown .. blah blah blah .. things are gett'n bad ...
unc: "critical times eh?"
bro sugarbag: " Yes, 2 Timothy 3 verse ...
unc: "sorry, I don't wanna talk about religion today"
elder dub: "I built a stone wall once"
unc: "really? what happened? .. build on sand? some nomads march arround it till it fell down?"
elder dub: "No but it stuffed my back up real bad"
unc: ooo that'd make ya grumpy .. i just lay a few each day and go do something else.
bro sugarbag: "that's a nice rock"
unc: "that's the one the builder rejected"
elder dub: "good thing you're wearing boots"
unc: "yep, i've stumbled a few times but it's not the end of the world"
elder dub: "you have a wonderfull view of the ocean"
unc: "yep, i'm just building my own little paradise here"
elder dub:, very good"
bro sugarbag: "well we better be orf"
(b1 to b2 "they already are!" hee hee)
unc: cheerio, thanks for comming.
****
Was that it? Is that as exciting as witnessing gets these days? when i was a lad there was no finer sight than an experienced brother and a weatherbeaten ol' farmer slugging it out toe to toe, head to head, brainwave to brainwave with nothing but a bible, clenched fists, four balls and the sound of thier own voices separating fantasy from fiction.
Witnessing has always been a fight between minds. Sure it has a veneer of civilization an illusion of decorum created by the neat clean clothes and leather book bags but bring back the days when that paper thin gloss was punctuated with the growl grunts and biffo this religion was built on .. bring back the hard case bros and sisters not afraid to sink the boot into any hapless householder cocky enough to question Gods Holy Word as interupted by the Watchtower!
What happened to the days when every householder knew that "hello, I'm one of Jehovah's Witnesses" was vjust the opening bell in a match of wits that could end in a KO in the opening door of the first round or could so easily turn into a 15 round free home bible struggle .. the repercussions played out to time indefinite...
Pity and sorrow is all i felt for these poor saps. poor bastards cruising arround in an air-conditioned car, pushing cult crap uphill when they could be cutting wood and digging trenches in a paradise now. lol Their visit left me with more questions than it answered.
braincell no 1 wants to know how my upwelling desire to curse CT Russell to thier faces as a raging, sleasy, fundamentalist lunatic who spent way too much of his time indoors writing messages to himself instead of giving his lovely comely wife her due...gells with my deep budhist desire to at all times keep the monkeys in my head calm? ...
braincell no2 thinks that next time jesus rangers bust thier apocalyptic horses through my frontal lobes fouling the delicate carpet of my de-ja-hoovered brain he will ignore budhist b1's concept of treating every human soul with equal honor and respect and scream out "Judge Rutherford was a putrid, dangerous joke, overated when he was alive and and totally buggered now he's dead!"
Oh well, there's plenty of time to plan my strategy .. they know where my bolthole is now so i'll get a return visit for sure .. maybe i should accept a free bush bible study? .. hey it'll wear their car out
unclebruce, not in a hurry to become a "baptised again"
Edited by - unclebruce on 16 October 2002 1:48:23