Hi Lisa,
Thanks for this thread. Everything you said is very true. I was very young when I was directed by my mother, a newly converted JW, to stop all association with my school friends, my cousins and not to even go over to my grandmothers house, only if necessary. My grandparents lived right across the road. Gradually, we were "disconnected". I don't remember any real discussions about it with anyone. I just stopped asking them to stay overnight or go to an event with me, and when I stopped asking them, they just dwindled away. I felt abandoned actually. Misunderstood and never accepted. Feelings that I've always had to deal with, and JW's just enlarged that problem.
Everyone in school knew that I was a JW. I was very active and proud and would witness to anyone who was curious, or at any ocassion where an explanation of my behavior was asked. I was not ashamed. I felt honored to have been "chosen" to be a mouthpiece for the true god. Everything I did, I tried to be a good little witness and set a good example.
I believe that my family was always dysfunctional. I was always taught by my dad that HE was the bad seed of the family, a disappointment to all. Therefore, he projected his feelings onto us as his offspring. When my mother became a JW, it wasn't all that difficult for her to to just "assume the position" that we were already outcast, so now we had a reason for that. Children simply don't know any better. We wondered why our cousins didn't want to play with us, or why we were made fun of, even in our family, because we didn't have a bathroom or running water in our little home. Dad could have provided better for us in those days, but he didn't. He was always so depressed and his self esteem was low. He wasn't even interested in the JW's and fought my mother after awhile, for a position "higher than her Jehovah", which didn't work. Funny, I never heard them arguing about anything other than "that religion". Dad was losing some of his hold on mom, and he felt threatened. Because he had shown so little interest in us when we were growing up, it was easy for me to discount him as "a worldly person", even though he was my own father.
So, we burned lots of bridges, that is, we helped to burn those bridges and we were too young to know what we were doing. I remember visiting my grandmother, and instead of speaking about the JW religion sensibly, they simply told me my mother was a nut. How could they have spoken to a child like that? They only made me more loyal to my mom.
We were considered just weird and strange because we didn't go to any other churches anymore, and would not attend the little Sunday School that our grandparents used to take us to. We refused to take part in any of the holiday programs, for Christmas, Easter, etc.
Later on, when I was married and a mother myself, I realized the damage that my parents had done by way of their independent actions,....my dad, with his personal attitudes, and my mom with her religion. I tried to reacquaint myself with Aunts and Uncles. A few accepted me back, but others just don't have any connection with me anymore, despite my efforts. Those bridges were burned, and I can't do anything about it. Other family members accept me but still look at me strangely. Some just opened their arms and said "welcome back", we knew you would figure it out sooner or later.
I was able to reconnect with two of my good friends from school successfully. One told me that she "knew" I would come around one day, and we just laughed about it all. Yet, I did lose a few others along the way.
But, that's life. I cannot say that my experiences were any worse than anyone else's. Mine are just unique to me.
Believe it or not, there are still many folks that do not know what a JW is. I am so used to referring to them in conversation that way and it makes for interesting situations sometimes. And, whenever you indicate that you were involved in a cultish religion, people really do LISTEN. I think it frightens them a bit.
But, now JW's are almost front page news, so they are building their own reputation, and it isn't pretty. They have burned lots of bridges along the way.
Sentinel/Karen
