Should I go??????

SpiceItUp

OK---a bit of background first.

There is this older lady that has been in my parents congregation ever since we moved to FL (14 yrs ago). She was the sweetest, funniest, quirkiest woman ever. My sister lived with her for a while even. My mother used to play cards with a group of ladies and sometimes I would go. Mostly just to spend some time with my mom but I find Canasta pretty fun as well (this was until I got uninvited to one of the houses--then I stopped going all together). But at these card games she would attend and brought some of the greatest energy to it. I actually *gasp* would enjoy myself. She was upbeat and positive and was just a cooky person.

She just died. Very sad indeed. She had cancer that she didnt tell anyone about and just passed away a few days ago. My mother told me that her funeral is tonight and some of the dubs expect me to be there. Now I have never really been shunned. Mostly because I was never baptised, and they cant seem to figure me out, but the last couple funerals I went to really upset me (you all know its because its just another way for them to preach). I told my mother I would go if the funeral was actually about her. My mom said it would be. So I rephrased it and said "I will go if more than 5-10 is about her".

I know I dont have to go but this woman really never tried to push any of the religion on me. We have played cards and used to have Star-Trek night (she was a trekkie) and I will miss her dearly but I just dont know if I can put my self through another one of their funerals.

My mother said something else that upset me---she said "Are you gonna attend my funeral when I die?" I just didnt have an answer.

I know ultimately the choice is mine but if you all have any input it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for letting me vent.

DJ

Re: Should I go??

Spice,

I am concerned about the same issue except it has to do with my dad. He is not dead, but he has 2 brain tumors. I used to be shunned,even though I was not baptized either. I was shunned for speaking out against their false teachings. For the past year, since my dad was diagnosed I have been involved with his care and lovingly 'forced' my way back into my family's lives. He was the only one who never completely shunned my husband and me. He would stop over to visit occasionally, even only if very brief, but we knew he loved us. I've always had a soft spot for my dad, I love him dearly. Lately, I've been concerned over the whole funeral issue too. I know that it is a matter of time with my dad. I am afraid that I'll lash out at the dubs who try to cheer me up with their idea of the good news. I've considered only attending the burial. I haven't made up my mind. I want to do what is right and I'm not sure what that is yet..............Peace to you, sorry I'm no help though. I guess that ultimately I will follow my heart and just hold my tongue!

Love, DJ...........follow your heart!

Ray

Just go and keep your month shut. Don't talk about funeral with your mom. They (witness) can not do anything on you (you are non-baptised). Good luck

sunshineToo

Spiceitup, Of course you should go!!!!

She was your dear friend who deserves to be remembered. I know that sometimes JW's funerals could be so preachy. I have attended two funerals at my hall. One was so preachy that it was more like a public talk. I really hated it even though I was a JW in goodstanding. The other one was more about the deceased which made it very personal and warm. So I have to say that it depends on who is going to give the talk. It could get very preachy or it could get very loving.

Of course you should go to your mom's funeral, I think. She is your mommy. If they forbid me to come to my mom's funeral ( I'm DA'd), I would fight for it. Mother and daughter love is a God given gift, and no one, even the WTS, cannot deny it.

RunningMan

My father died in May. I have three sisters, one of whom is df'd. I am just becoming irregular.

The number of family that attended was really quite shocking. My two JW sisters would not come to the funeral, claiming poverty (couldn't afford the trip), which is a crock for several reasons. The real reason was my df'd sister.

So, the immediate family at the funeral consisted of:
- myself (irregular) and my family
- my sister (df'd) and her family
- my nephew (black sheep, currently in the army, son of my non-attending JW sister)

None of the Witnesses would talk to my sister, although they would talk to her family. The worldly relatives were completely nauseated when they discovered the reason for the behaviour.

Now, there is actually a point to this story.

The non-JW family acted in a loving, supportive manner. The JWs were ass holes. It was the worst witness they could possibly have given, in spite of the chance for a public talk.

I refuse to play the shunning game. For me, it just doesn't exist.

Do what you feel is right. Ignore the stupid behaviour, and just be the best human you can be.

Mary

Spice I would definitely go. Even if we don't agree with the Borganization, to me it's simply a way of paying respect to someone you liked. A few years ago, I went to a Catholic funeral for a friend that had died. Man, it was depressing! But I went simply out of respect for the deceased. You have to make the final choice of course, but if you don't go, you may regret it down the line.

Just my two cents worth......

sunshineToo

D.J., I'm sorry to hear about your dad. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{D.J.}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

If they try to preach to you, if I'm in your shoes, I would politely say, "Thank you for your thought", and end it there. And if they try to coerce you to come to the meetings and etc., I would say, "This is not the time or place to talk about it. And you know how I feel about your religion."

I'll leave my email box open. If you need some one to talk to, feel free to drop a line.

Love,

sunshineToo

butalbee

Okay, this is from my point of view: I went to one dub funeral and it totally devastated me, it upset me, and it pretty much left a lastly impression in my head that the deceased life is not worth to talk about, never did anybody mention Samantha's name--it was like an ordinary tuesday night meeting in my mindset. When I walked out, I puked in the parking lot.

But If I hadn't gone, I would've regretted it for the rest of my life. Even though, I didn't get the closure I needed from attending, I still needed to be there.

scootergirl

spice, I would say "go"! This is for you to say your goodbyes and show respect to a friend that you loved and will miss. Make out a long grocery list before you go and when anyone tries to preach to you, try to remember everything on that list. Recite it in your mind.....it will look like you are intently listening but your secret will be safe with us!

morrisamb

There is no easy answer. I struggled with it for years. In the 18 years since I left, there have been many Witnesses who have died, where I wanted to go to the funeral. I only went to one, 8 years ago, and two funeral home visitations for others.

At the first visitation, I had just left the Witnesses and was really f@#!ed up. A Sister came up to me and asked me something and I said, "I don't want to talk about it." Then I left. I wasn't ready for this kind of public appearance.

Ten years later I went to a funeral at a Kingdom Hall (because the deceased had been exceptionally nice to me) and I was ready. Nobody really talked to me which was fine. I wasn't dissassociated yet. You could tell some were surprised to see me. Others didn't even recognize me. I listened to the talk...well, sort of. I felt like I was visiting Mars.

Finally I got the fear of attending a Witness function out of my system. I always wondered if I'd sit there and go "I've go to run back." The opposite in fact happened. I had a kind of peace about it.

I still won't go to Witness funerals as a rule only because I've been very public about my life and the notoriety of my presence might be upstage the real reason I went: to show sympathy. It ain't worth it in my case. I send cards/flowers.

Finally the fact that I'd have to plan my Witness mother's funeral plagued me for years until I did something about it. [all four of her kids are either disf or disas.] I discussed it with my mother and she agreed to all my plans. I prepaid for a funeral at a funeral home. There will be no Elder giving a talk. [Imagine an Elder comforting us who could not talk to us!! Ridiculous] No newspaper announcement until after the funeral takes place. I don't want no surprises. People will be informed, invited to attend the service. People can go up and remember her. In respect for her faith, I will ask her Witness female friend, if she'd like to read a few scriptures. [She can wear a head covering if she'd feel better]. This way the children of my mother, their feelings are of paramount consideration. My mother feels better about this plan too.

Should I go??????

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