It's been eight years since I have spoken to any of my relatives. Some (cousins, nieces, nephews) were young children at the time; now some are 18 and older. They are not allowed to speak to me, but of course those rules don't apply in the reverse. I have come across the email addresses of several of them. I am tempted to contact them each personally and make sure they have my address and phone number. I told them in the past that if they wanted to leave, I would be there for them to give my support.
What would you do in similar circumstances? Do you respect their wishes (or is it the WTBTS' wishes?) and keep your distance until they contact you? Do you contact them and at least make sure they have your address and phone number to communicate with when they are ready in the future? Do you send them a note occasionally to tell them you are thinking of them, tell them how things are going for you, and include contact info at the bottom?
I would contact them and just let them know you are thinking of them and love them and would like to correspond. I wouldn't even mention the Watchtower. Establish contact and a good rapport first.
I hope it all goes well and you get to restablish contact with them.
I am in agreement here - maybe a letter from the heart and see what reaction (if any) you get and leave the ball firmly in their collective court. At least then they will know that you are thinking of them.
What would you do in similar circumstances? Do you respect their wishes
I can tell you exactly what I have already done but everyone has his or her own set of circumstances.
I would call on the phone and speak person to person.
If they didn't want to speak to me I would tell them that I would e-mail my address and phone to them in case they change their mind in the future. I would also make it clear to them that I would appreciate it if in case of an emergency or if someone becomes ill or injured to please be sure to notify me as I often worry about you and if you are doing well and it concerns me a great deal to think that if something tragic were to happen to a member of my family would I ever know?
It was good hearing your voice and remember my door is always open if you decide sometime that you would like to stop by and say hello. I would really like that.
Can't add much more, other than to say that I occasionally drop in on some of my relatives, send cards for newbornd / anniversaries / etc., to keep the contact up.
As Francois stated, love is the key.
However at the end of the day, you can lead a horse to water...
My siblings and I were seperated for years. About 6 years after I left the borg, my brother and I were reunited w/the help of our "worldly" aunt and uncle.
BUT.....I still had a sister (eyegirl) that I hadn't seen in years. She was 8 and I was 18 when I was df'd. 16 years passed and one night while browsing on classmates.com I found her email address. I was so excited but also nervous. I took the initiative and wrote my sister a nice email and told her that I was her sister and that I desperately wanted to see her. I also explained that I didn't want to cause any troubles and left the ball in her court. A few days later, we talked (something like 2 hours on the phone) and I found out that she was inactive and lived away from home now. She was 23 years old now! She came to visit me and my family on Easter Sunday (2001) and a few months later quit her job and moved 200 miles North to be near me! I am so glad that I took that risk......we are inseperatable now and I feel as if my life is whole again!
Summer of 2001 was the first time in YEARS that all three of us "kids" were together! We got to celebrate our very first Christmas together and our birthdays together. We see each other weekly and hardly a day goes by that we don't talk on the phone. It feels so nice to be the "big" sister that I always wanted to be. I never knew that I could love a sibling the way that I love her.
Mom and Dad know that we talk. Given an email that Mom sent me once (stating that I was a "pull on Becky") I don't think that they approve or appreciate our relationship, but we are no longer little kids afraid of our parents or the borg. I think both of us are working thru the pain of being seperated for so long, but know that we are together life couldn't be better!
I'm glad you posted this question. I have been burned badly by my parents this weekend at my uncle's funeral. I think anger rules my emotions right now. I want nothing to do with them anymore. I asked my mom how some in the congregation are doing and she said that I should show up at the KH and see for myself. I asked why I should go to the KH when no one will talk to me...I will SEE them yes but that doesn't tell me how they are doing. I want to go to the KH for a meeting and not talk to my parents...see how they like being shunned! Many say that I shouldn't "stoop to their level" but I also know that those who live by the sword....
My parents have used their sword to cut me out of their lives....I feel like doing the same to them. Maybe this thread will help me take a more objective view.
Being angry in your situation is only normal. You need to find a way to help yourself get past that anger because while it's normal and you have every right feel that way, you shouldn't hold on to it for too long. Holding on to anger will only hurt you in the long run.
Right now the situation is so fresh, you need to feel angry and let it all out. Eventually I know you'll get over it, just give yourself time and if during this time you do experience times when you feel that genuine love you have for your parents, take that opportunity to send them an email or letter. Something short that just says you were thinking of them and hoping they are doing well.
I would send them a note once in a while just to let them know you do think about them and care. I would include as much contact info. as you feel comfortable giving so that know where to contact you. This way, in the future they can never say they didn't know how to contact you. Also, I think it shows you as the better person.
I don't see this as disrespectful at all. Now if someone contacts you at tells you never to contact them again, well then that's a different story.
