New Bible!

by Jesus Christ 6 Replies latest jw friends

  • Jesus Christ
    Jesus Christ

    This is a quick note to say that dad and I are working on a new version of the bible. Don't worry about the stuff that doesn't make sense in the old one, we wrote that while consuming the biggest bottle of vodka you could imagine. Quite frankly, by the time we got to Revelation we were smashed and don't even remember writing most of it.
    The Koran, yeah, we banged that out on the same night and will be putting out a new version after we get done with The Bible; God's Revenge. This time we will make it clear that killing others in our name is bad. Frankly, we're amazed that you actually needed that.....
    Another nice thing will be the great illustrations that come in the new version covering everything from how you got here (though if you want a detailed explanation go read "Origin of Species" by Darwin) to how the world will end (actually, its just going to be remodeled). We're hoping that if there's enough interest in it that a major studio will pick it up for a movie.

    Dad Bless you!

  • SYN
    SYN

    Oh no, don't tell me there are going to be Bible sequels. That'll be almost as bad as "John Romero's John Romero: 'John Romero' by John Romero!"

    Quite frankly, by the time we got to Revelation we were smashed and don't even remember writing most of it.

    That is evident! I mean, harlots riding on wild beasts? What kind of vodka was it, anyway? The kind you sniff using a rolled banknote?

  • crawdad2
    crawdad2

    thank's jesus christ!................ i was wondering why the bible was sooo confusing!............... well,... even though you were drunk, .......... you still managed to get a little "truth" into it....... thanks!

    when will the new edition be out?

  • SixofNine
    SixofNine

    you still managed to get a little "truth" into it....... thanks!

    DAD! that is sad. lol. just. let. go.

  • ISP
    ISP

    I thought the pictures in the Revelation book were way out!!!!!!!

    In the next version can you get it on one page....way too many verses last time.

    ISP

  • Matty
    Matty

    Hi, I've just been asked a question on behalf of QUANTUM, you see, he can't post anymore.

    That bit in Revelation 22:18 "If anyone makes an addition to these things, God will add to him the plagues that are written in this scroll". That was a joke right? You see there was this guy called Joe Smith...

  • gsx1138
    gsx1138

    Well Jesus, I'm a Pagan so will you be writing a book about your mom. I notice there is God, his son, but no Goddess. Was this an oversight in your drunken stupor the first time around or did you two get into a fight? I do hope that this new Bible is at least consistent, perhaps you should hire a really good editor that way moronic interpretation can be avoided. I know I say "hi" to your mom 8 times a year but could drop her a hello for me anyway? I've been slacking on my praying to her and her midsummer has been over for a couple of weeks now.

    gsx1138

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