embarrassed, you are being abused. It's not going to get better. You need to move on in life without this loser.
How do I know?
I was once in a similar situation to yours only I was married. Once I realized nothing was getting better and it never will (because a leopard cannot change its spots), I, once again, put a plan together to leave.... just like I did when I left home as a teenager/young adult to go to school and get away from my parent's abusive cult.