Double Standards

by Perfection Seeker 31 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  SweatPea

  I can remember me and my two brothers sitting in the living room dressed and ready to go but having to wait on our mother. The ride to the KH she would be fussing at "US" because "WE" were the ones that made her late for the meeting. I can remember thinking, but never saying out loud, "How did we make you late!! We were dressed and ready to go". But to the whole congregation my mother was the perfect and loving parent.

  Another time she beat me so bad that I had welts all over my body. She made me put on shorts and she took me to a families house that she had been studying with so that their children could see what happens when childreny disobey their parents. I was so embarrassed as the three of us were around 13 or 14 years old.
• 

  Perfection Seeker

  I can't believe your mom showed you as an example! Me, I was always stuck in long sleeves in the summer trying to HIDE my marks. Don't you think Witnesses beat their kids more than any other group? In our hall, one of the elders came up with this "RULE" that ANY child still living at home had to be accompanied to the bathroom by their parents. I was living at home at age 19- got up once to go to the bathroom- no, I really didn't have to go- but needed to move to keep awake- and I got back there- and noticed my mom coming right behind me! They also said no jean skirts in our hall, no shorter skirts, they said the brothers had to wear certain suits- are hall was a very STRICT congregation- they went WAY beyond the bible. They even said kids couldn't cruise around in cars unchaperoned! Who at 16 doesn't want to drive drive drive? Oh, and the last time I went to the hall- my sister was in the back with her baby- and I started talking to her- quietly- there was a door partition- an elder came up & said it wasn't social hour. THE NERVE
• 

  SweatPea

  Perfection Seeker remember JW's famous quote is, SPARE THE ROD, SPOIL THE CHILD.
• 

  Jewel

  >>>In our hall, one of the elders came up with this "RULE" that ANY child still living at home had to be accompanied to the bathroom by their parents. <<<

  WHAT??? I can't think of anything to justify this one! And I thought OUR congregation was messed up!

  If you're in Cedar Rapids, I think we would have been in the same circuit-but I've been out for quite awhile. Anyway, we're only about an hour and a half east of you! Great to know that there are other Iowans here!

  Edited to add: 13th Apostate-gotta go to the atlas to see just where Waterloo is...

  and to add-Perfection Seeker-don't worry, we won't tell. I did the fade-out, too. Not particularly anxious to be disfellowshipped because it would make my family (already weird because of this religion) weirder yet!

  Edited by - Jewel on 29 June 2002 17:33:6
• 

  Perfection Seeker

  Well, my parents SURELY didn't spoil me then! I got the rod, the broom, the belt, the board- they didn't spare ANYTHING when It came to me! AND, they'd get mad if what they used on me broke! Do you have children sweet pea? Can you imagine doing ANY of this to a child?!?! I remember one time we were shopping, and my mom slapped my face- a lady came & said- do you want me to report you, and have them take your child away?!!? All it did was piss my mom off more- so got it again in the car. From then on- she was more careful in public but ALOT less careful at home! Man- there should be MORE "crisis of conscience" books out there- personal stories, support groups, etc. One question- if you could get hypnotized to forget ALL witness stuff, would you? I would- in a heart beat- as long as I could have my other memories- not that they were that great or anything. I have told BOTH therapist I've been to that I wish I could bump my head & forget EVERYTHING & start over. Hmm....maybe I'll try that :-)

  P.S. Jewel- I'm sure noone on here will "tell on me" If people are on here- they are bitter, too, as well, and SURELY wouldn't support another disfellowshipping! Still, a little scarey since this is the first time I've been on the sites or spoke against the org- but it sure feels good! Did you see that post about the merchandise? Gave my life to the organization, and all I got was this lousy tshirt- TOO FUNNY! :-)

  Edited by - perfection seeker on 29 June 2002 17:35:31
• 

  Perfection Seeker

  Hey Jewel- funny we were in the same circuit- probably counted the ceiling tiles at the same time! :-) How old? 33 here- do you still have family in the org? Mine is- poor group is up counting ceiling tiles in Minnesota- can't believe they ENJOY the 3 days of 8 hours of speakers. I always hated & resented it- was in since I was 5- tried to leave since I was 15. How about you?
• 

  Xandria

  Yes, sadly the hypocritical double standard is still in effect today. My mom would beat me silly over the most STUPID things. She would fly into extreme rages.. her face turning into this horrible mask of rage.. twisted and screaming obsentities.

  There were a few times I tried to get help. I remember one time going to a "sisters" house that lived a few doors down. I had asked her if I could use her phone I was going to call my father (who was not a JW and lived in AZ ). I was going to ask him if I could come and live with him b/c the abuse was too much. I mean spanking is one thing... but using fists, tearing out hair, choking.. that is extreme in any measure. The house cleaning, the lawn, the what ever is still going to be there.. and there will always be something to do. It is not worth killing someone over. I still have mixed emotions when it comes to my mom, step dad and step mom.

  The sister, was going to let me use her phone.. but then when my mother came over to get me.. she backed down. She did not want to get involved all of a sudden.. she freaks out and stated I had to go w/ my mom. EVEN though she saw the bruises, the scratches and the terror. That did not matter ... what mattered was that my mother was d/fed and that it was improper for her to interact w/ her.. To hell with someone being beaten and needing help.

  Experts state never to discipline when angry... when aren't jw parents angry ? they get upset at you because you did not do x y z.. and the begin to hit fully believing that if they spared the rod.. they would spoil the child. Yes, you decipline your child. But w/ love and compassion. Bringing your child up in fear is not a good thing for him/her to be in. NO wonder many of these JW children go into drugs, sex ( they enter being sexually active to early or into being with several partners searching, to find some shred of love even if it is physical), are depressed, have disorders of eating, hurting themselves, having low self esteem and fearful to trust anyone lest they betray them too.

  As Yoda says: Fear leads to hate, and hate leads to the darkside.

  I have a question for those who read this. Growning up, did your parents believe that going to the doctor was "dumb". Naaa Doctors did not know any thing .. the only time we EVER went to a doctor was only if you were bleeding and or extremely ill w/ a fevered illness.

  Why are Jw's afraid of doctors ? hummmm ?

  Would that be b/c they would actually see the health and state of the child ?

  Would that be b/c it would expose many who treat their children like this ?

  Doctors are required by law to report abuse.. wheither it be physical or sexual.

  So go figure.
• 

  fulano

  Well heres my story:

  Grew up as a witness, my mother is a second generation. My father was so in love with here he stopped smoking and got baptized in Nurnburg, Germany.

  School was hell. I grew up in the hippie-period, Amsterdam. Everybody smoking grass, long hair..and me?? The shorter the cut the better, my parents even inforced me once chasing me to get to the hairdresser!

  So day after day I got tortured at school, named Jehovah-head!!

  At the mean-time my mother had a lover, my father beat him up, police at our door every other day but still going out on service!

  Finally my father got removed as a MS. Almost cut his pulse in front of my brother (12 years old), who had to get him to emergency.

  I couldnt study, had to work at the age of 16 (dont worry I manage good $$$$ now!), because higher education was worldly.

  Yeah right all they wanted was money. All I made they took away and give me pocket-money.

  At the age of 19 my father hit my mother, and the same night I hit my father so hard he had two broken teeth!

  But still going out on service and having talks at the TS.

  Stupid enough I stayed home until 23 years old, I left and got married,

  The rest is:

  Bethel

  Special pioneer-service

  Missionary

  Brooklyn and Patterson.

  And now at the age of 40:

  Making money

  Smoking grass (Amsterdam you know)

  Nice life he???
• 

  zenpunk

  I remember once my father severely beat me while on a picnic with another Witness family. While I sobbed quietly the other Witness mother told her children not to "judge" my father. I'll never forget that as long as I live.
• 

  animal

  Well.... is there a limit on the site for length of content?

  Mom was in and out of JW's since my birth... but never involved us till 1968 when she thru out her live-in guy in exchange for a JW dude studying with her. He was a nice guy.... till he married her anyhow.

  Mom would always hit us for punishment... with a belt, a wooden spoon.. anything she could get. That may have been the way they did it then, I dunno. With Brother Henry tho, he enjoyed dishing out punishment. Now, shortly after the wedding in '69, his ownership of us showed its ugly teeth.

  Mom would leave us a note for after school, to go to the store and buy this or that. SHe always left enuff money so that there was change, and we would keep it... spend it on candy. This went on for years, till Mark moved in. I get back from the store, he asks where the change is. Assuming the best, I smile and said I spent it on candy. Instead of a smile and pat on the back, I pick myself up off the floor IN THE NEXT ROOM. I had been backhanded... and hard too. My sister saw this and freeked. Nothing was right from then on. My hate was planted and grew intensly.

  Beatings with a belt were weekly at a minimum. There was always a reason for it.... or not. Didnt clean your room.... didnt take out the trash... back talked mom.... I dont know how many belts we went thru. It got to the point that it didnt hurt anymore, and until you cried out, he kept swinging. I would hold out to try and wear him out. Never happened.

  We got a puppy once.. a german shepard .. my dog. I was about 14, I think. The dog had chewed a stick and it was caught between his teeth somehow and he was screaming. Mark grabbed it, punched it, and pulled the stick out. I missed the "pulling the stick out" part, after the punch, I walked into the garage and grabbed the axe, raised it high over my head, ...... but didnt do it. I walked back in and put it down. He never knew this, he was busy with the dog. I often wonder how life woulda been had I beheaded him.

  I ran away at 15.... 6 or 7 times. All but one time I was beat badly after being caught. Mom just stood there and let it happen. I think I dislike her to this day due to that. I wasnt beat after the last time I ran away... cuz I didnt get caught. I kept running, ended up in prison at 16, and lied about who I was so I would stay in jail rather than go home. That should say something.

  Mark was an elder thru all this, a hero to many. Mom was a dumb bitch that just wanted laid on a regular basis, no matter the cost. My sis was the one suffering, cuz she cared. I didnt care, I ran, I lived well.

  Question for the ex-elders out there.. any of these posts interest you? ANy of them make you wonder how the hell you could support such assholes for so long? Any of you make amends for lives wasted due you all looking away? Ever visit the graves of lost kids due to suicide, in the JW's?

  You JW lurkers out there... be aware that many of us have sincere hate for you and yours.... not all on this board do, just some of us. You only live life once, and when it is destroyed by an org and its blind followers, there is no forgiveness.

  Animal (Biker, and proud of it)
  ps... I didnt check for typo's....