Why so many unbelieving spouses?

by garyneal 14 Replies latest jw friends

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  garyneal

  I had been thinking about religion and religious services in general and perhaps I am just noticing it more because of my personal involvement but it seems that the Jehovah’s Witness religion tends to have more incidents of mixed marriages where one partner is considered the ‘unbelieving spouse’ than other religions or churches. Of course, I have not been to church is a while and even when I did go to church I found that there weren’t as many instances of a spouse ‘going it alone’ in the church without their partner. I guess that is partly why I got discouraged in going to church as I felt like I could only bring ‘half my family’ to it.

  The main thing I would like to discuss, though, is why does there seem to be a higher number of mixed marriages within this religion as opposed to other religions. Perhaps there really isn’t but it seems that way because of our involvement with the religion. Perhaps it really is that way and there is something unique to the religion that lends itself to these occurrences. I am sure this has been discussed in various degrees before but I find myself thinking on this more and more. It would also be interesting to know if other religions have a similar number of mixed marriages, say the Mormons for example. Perhaps our Mormon posters (Qcmbr and ColdSteel) could shed some light on this.

  I think about my marriage and the situation between us. Even back before I learned the truth about the truth I resisted becoming a Jehovah’s Witness. I think this was because of their stance on the holidays, their insistence on being the only true religion, the prejudices that were taught to me about them, and their strange stance on avoiding so many other activities (claiming demons were lurking at every corner). The ‘us vs. them’ attitude that they took along with their insistence on being the only true religion reminded me so much of the days I used to attend the IFB churches that it was hard to take them seriously. Especially considering that I had already debunked those claims from those IFB churches years ago. I remember my philosophy courses in college helped me to develop more critical thinking skills which became much sharper in recent years due to this religion and my exposure to it.

  The prejudices I harbored against them were taught to me mainly by the IFB churches. After leaving the IFB churches for more main stream churches I found the attitude towards JW’s mixed with some people considering them Christian and others not. I was obviously open minded enough to listen to what they taught considering that I did study with them for nearly 6 years off and on and even found myself agreeing with them in certain instances. Never-the-less, I became another UBM in a sea of UBM’s so I guess my own insight answers the question concerning why I choose to be an UBM. Any other insights as to why there seems to be so many of them in this religion?
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  LostGeneration

  I don't think there are more mixed marriages in the JW population compared to the world.

  The problem is the strain caused by one partner being a part of a cult which demands the first place in the person's life. Add to that the shit doctrine (holidays, birthdays, all unbelievers will die) and you have a recipe for disaster.
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  DesirousOfChange

  Evidently(TM), it is because so many JWs are ignoring the counsel to "marry only in the Lord".

  Perhaps they feel it's OK to follow the example of Moses.

  Doc
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  BluesBrother

  I think their methods of recruiting, on the doorstep, have up 'til recent times often contacted wives before husbands. He then feels that it is "her" religion and approaches it with suspicion. Many, like youself and my father, have their bullshit moniter alerted by the character of many things within the religion , not one specific issue.

  In recent times though, I have encountered several Dub husbands with unbelieving wives, or wives that drifted out . Is that equality?
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  problemaddict

  Your situation is probably a good start. My father is not a JW, my mother is. Here is how it happened.

  My mother wanted to help others. She was married very young because she got knocked up (in the 60's). So her husband was working two jobs, but she remembered traveling the world with her father and seeing poverty which was heart breaking. She thought church was madness, and someone came to her door who was very nice, and he and his wife gave her a bible and told her things that were very appealing. She "researched" for herself, and made the jump. My dad was like......whatevr makes you happy.

  Four children later, my mother is a pillar of the hall, and very sad to see me not attending or raising my family in the organization. My father got softer as he got older, and has started studying. Probably because he was harsh when we were younger, and wants to feel connected to us. Recently I apologized to him, for not being a better son. I grew up feeling distant from him since he was going to die at armaghedon. He thanked me, and his study is going nowhere. (He researches on the internet like a normal person).

  My mother is one of many similar women in the hall like this. Some with husbads deceased, but most were converted without their spouses following suit.

  I do know however 3 couples near me where the husband becamse a JW after a decade or more of having their wife. i think they credited their children growing up well with the religion, and they also wanted that closeness with them as they got older.

  So the redux is..

  1) I think its mostly women with UBM's.

  2) I think men sometimes convert later in life, because they want to feel closer to their children, who instinctively have drawn away from their father due to the teachings.

  3) Most men never convert witht heir wife, because their wife maybe got a bit more bizarre.

  Just my 2 cents.
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  James Brown

  My father never was a JW.

  And the congregation I went to back in the 50's -70's

  a good number of the men, husbands were not witnesses.

  I think the meetings were a way for the husbands to get a couple of nights and a day out

  away from the family.
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  The Searcher

  For many teenage un/babtized Witnesses, there is not a great choice of marriage mate within their congregation or even their region, so the desires incidental to youth draw them to non-Witnesses.

  Secretly, many of them hope to subtly convert their unbelieving mate after the marriage ceremony!
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  blondie

  1) Women show more interest in religion as a rule

  2) jws call on women more often than men at the door

  3) more female jws go door to door

  4) husbands send wives to the door to talk to female jws

  5) husbands not interested in being jws

  6) male jws tend to fail to follow thru on calls on women to include the husband

  7) female jws tend to include the husband when following through on call

  ..............Blondie, daughter of unbelieving father
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  sparrowdown

  I also don't think that other religions lable people as "unbelieving husband/wife" like the JWs do.

  I always disliked the term. It sets up a distinction between mates, as if the unbeliever can't be trusted.

  Examples of faithful Bible men being drawn away by pagan wives is constantly referenced.

  It's wicked what they do to normal loving relationships. I have no idea how some "unbelieving mates" cope with being disrespected like that.

  I know it drives some marriages apart, and then people act like it's for the best.

  Then you have the other extreme when the unbelieving mate is shamelessly love-bombed in the hopes of "bringing them in".

  The GB have no right to insidiously insert themselves into peoples marriages like that.

  It's a bloody cult, people.
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  ShirleyW

  Back in the 60's and 70's when I was growing up, if the whole family wasn't in, then it was usually the mother raising the kids in the Cult, it was very rare when the father was the only one.

  My mother got baPtized in 1958 and my father didn't get baPtized until 1978, it was just a case of a long married man that was beaten down to whatever the loudmouth wife goes by, happens in all marriages, BTW, my father was even appointed elder down the road, but he still drank and every time my mother left on Saturday afternoon to go on a study or whatever, as soon as the car was out the driveway he always ran to the phone to make a call . . . and trust me, he wasn't talking to another brother or anybody else of the male species