She just likes the pre packaged social life and doesn't want to mess up her relationship with her family.
When you realize that's why you're in the religion, it makes you stop and think.
Doc
How did you tell your spouse you want out of the JW religion?
by leaving_quietly 61 Replies latest jw experiences
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thedog1
I haven't told my spouse that I want out yet as I don't know if I want out. I am serving as an elder in a European country, not my own country, and the cong I serve in, though not an Engish speaking one, has some meetings in English. I conduct an English watchtower study. The problem I have is that I have read Crisis of Conscience and most of In Search of Christian Freedom, and even though I don't completely agree with Ray Franz on everything, he has some very good points to make in these two books. I started to talk to my wife about my doubts about the generation teaching but she got very afraid and cut the conversation short. The recent wt study on the 'Assyrian' and that elders are supposed to obey illogical instructions was a hard one to conduct. My wife sees some of the illogicality, but is still staunch. I think that if I make any decision to fade, it will be a very long slow fade, as a lot of her family are Witnesses, and she already has a df'd brother who does not see much of the rest of the family, although they do not take the hardline approach which seems to have become th norm among many Witnesses toward df'd relatives.
There is a lot at stake if I walk, so this is why I am not having any more conversations with my wife about this at the moment. I am still weighing it all up. Bros in the cong here are very loving and really trust the org. so my main beef is with the org and the policies and doctrines which do not really add up any more. The individual witnesses I know here really do show neighbour love but they are in thrall to the org.
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leaving_quietly
@thedog1, I identify with your where you're at. The brothers in the cong where I attend are also very loving and trusting the org. I told my wife a week or so ago that my main beef is the "do more, do more, do more" mantra, that Christ said HIS load was light, that I don't feel that the organization makes our load light. We have an international convention coming up where I live, and there's a LOT of work to do to prepare for all the delegates. I told my wife that I really feel the whole thing is a major expensive burden on the local congregations in the area, and that it is unnecessary and adds nothing to our worship of God or the preaching of the good news. It's yet another "load" they put on us.
I have other doctrinal issues and organizational issues, such as the teaching that Christ is only the mediator between God and the 144,000, that the New Covenant does not apply to all who wish to be part of it, that partaking is limited to just a few, that Christ is not to be honored the same as God (yes this is in print, though the Bible says otherwise). There's more, but I'll stop there.
I started reaching In Search of Christian Freedom, and found one good point right up front: why does one want to leave the JW organization (or any other religion for that matter. It's a good self-examination question. I haven't come to a solid conclusion about that one myself. I just know it does not have the truth. But, it is my belief that neither does any other religion. I think that's my biggest issue. JWs claim to have the truth and teach the truth, but it does not take long to peek under the surface to find out that it does not. Am I willing to lose my family over it? It's a really, really hard decision. Christ said, "A man's enemies will be persons of his own household."
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thedog1
I think then that we are kind of in a similar situation where we see issues that bother us but can also see the good that is there. Even if all Witnesses do not live up to the moral standards preached, for instance, the attempt to live up to them produces good qualities. But the question that keeps coming up in my mind, and it has been aired here by others of course, is how could a spirit-directed org make so many mistakes? One or two ok, allow for imperfection. But all those wrong dates and then the mad new generation teaching and the lack of an outlet when someone is genuinely questioning.
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JWdaughter
JeffT and his wife hiding their COC's from each other-that really tells us all we need to know about the organizational mentality, doesn't it?
I was a young girl in a mixed family. My mom had been long assoc. with witnesses and had only recently gotten baptised when she finally quit smoking (mostly). She was actually brought to meetings as a baby by a neighbor and really considered herself a JW since birth (her mom was friendly to the JWs, but not baptised or committed in any way). Soon after my mom was baptised, I realized that asking questions was verboten. I told the lady I was having a book study with about some of the issues I had and of course, I was reported to the elders. Stubborn cuss that I was, I didn't back down on my questions. I didn't go preaching about my issues to anyone, but I wasn't mature enough to understand the politics involved. I was 15 at the time and unbaptised. I was DA'd (for those who say that can't happen and I am lying, I will just say that you are ignorant).
It was kind of like Valdemorte in my family. Just don't speak about it and it will be ok. Mostly I was quiet, but sometimes my mom triggered me with her JW santimoniousness-like when I went Christmas shopping for an aunt and uncle and my mom made some stupid comment about how they were not going to have a present for me. . . as if that is what gift giving is all about!!! Just ugly attitudes constantly from my otherwise kind hearted mom. I don't like what the WT does to minds and hearts. It is twisted in every way imaginable when it can take the nicest people of normal intelligence and get them to say such ugly, cruel and/or ignorant things in support of the WT agenda. Uggh. Glad to be out.
BTW, I came from a mostly nice congregation and remember 90% fondly. Not one of them spoke to me after I was DA'd. Not one elder tried to encourage me back in. Not even the nicest lady in the whole org-Esther M. Sister M. didn't even call. She is dead now and I still regret that I didn't know her anymore after that. She was a dear person in my life for 15 years.
M.
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TableForOne
It says everything about the Organisation when both partners feel the need to hide their own copies of Crisis of Conscience.
I didn't know the book existed until last November.
Until then I'd been a very obedient slave of the Org. I would never go near any literature/website that questioned "the truth"/status of the Organisation.
I can't believe I was fooled for 22 years.
Due to my wife's intolerance, I had to read CoC online while on a break at work, or on my phone while out walking the dog.
Last week I ordered my own copy, along with Journey to God's House by Brock Talon.
I had to have them delivered to my mother's house. (She's never been a JW)
The 2 books are now hidden in our home. If she finds them, my wife will go nuts.
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leaving_quietly
But the question that keeps coming up in my mind, and it has been aired here by others of course, is how could a spirit-directed org make so many mistakes?
I've answered this question in my own mind, and a dear friend just today asked me: which religion did CHRIST say was the true religion? Did he say to go following a religion? Or did he say, 'I am... the truth', 'come to me.'
Here's the answer to your question (at least, in my opinion):
Matt 24:24: "For false Christs and false prophets will arise and will give great signs and wonders so as to mislead, if possible, even the chosen ones."
Why do JWs say they are the truth? "Because no one else has such a global preaching work as we do." Great signs and wonders, indeed. Who else boasts on an annual basis about their branches, their kingdom halls, their accomplishments in the ministry, the number of hours they spent in the preaching activity, and so on and so on. The aggrandizement is exactly what this verse describes: great signs and wonders. This is probably the one big thing that keeps people hanging on: 'Look at how much, how big, how many <you name it>. Look at how Jehovah is blessing his people. This MUST be the truth!'
Of course, some of it HAS to be true in order to mislead the chosen ones.
2 Cor 11:13-14: "For such men are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for Satan himself keeps transforming himself into an angel of light."
In order to make it appear to be truth, SOME of it MUST be true, just like the serpent said to Eve that they would be like God, knowing good and bad. That part was true. (Gen 3:5, 22). And those who are claiming it are themselves saying they are Christ's followers. Noteworthy, and I didn't even notice this before now, they are transforming themselves into APOSTLES of Christ. Not DISCIPLES. APOSTLES. Apostles are, by definition, messengers of God. Who claims that they are chosen by God and are his "visible representation" on earth?
Trust me, brother, I keep looking for ways to find that the WTS is the right religion. The more I look, the more I find they cannot possibly be. This is gut-wrenching for me, an almost-born-in, with plenty of family in. I have a lot to lose by walking away from this religion. In order to come to Christ, though, I have no choice but to do so, I'm afraid.
Yes, there are many individual members who are good people. No question about it. And, frankly, I can think of very, very few that I don't much care for. I love most of them. It's some of the doctrines that I cannot square with what the Bible really teaches. And some of those doctrines are key, such as who are part of the New Covenant.
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sleepingbeauty2
My JW husband had lost interest in the meetings. He was considered weak & I tried to struggle, going to a fair few meetings on my own. I'd go & take with me all of our 4 children with me. He would at times attempt to talk to me about JW teachings that didn't add up, but I would stick my fingers in my ears, and make lah lah lah, blur blur blur loud noises to drone him out. I couldn't allow myself to listen to what was deemed as 'satanic' murmurings. He didn't often try and speak about this, but he did try on a number of occasions..
After a good year or so, I had burnt out. The meetings we're incredibly boring. Nobody helped me at the meetings, and it was hard going with 4 youngish children. They never played up, but getting them ready, having to prepare for everything was all too much. So not going the meetings & feeling bad about it, I turned on the self hatred mode. I was worthless, good for nothing & useless. I felt I knew I was going to die at Armaggedon, simply, because I wasn't going to the meetings. So weirdly, one day, I decided that as I was going to die anyway, that I was going to visit those forbidden XJW websites. And thats exactly what I did. Later that day I had the lightbulb moment.
What I read smacked me straight between the eyes. I researched WT articles to back up every innaccuracy, so I knew I wasn't been lied to. Then whilst reading through more stuff I never thought of the consequences of my voicing anything, I simply turned about from the computer I was reading from & said exactly what I had come across to my husband...
He in turn never once questioned what I had uncovered & was immediately a nodding dog in total agreement with everything I had come across... That was it. We both woke up in October 2009... He had been JW for 42 years & myself 22 yrs...
Our eldest daughter (who was 14 yrs old at the time) struggled initially, and had to undergo counselling. She came round soon enough, and now laughs at herself for being such a nutjob..We are completely, emotionally free from all things to do with JWdom.. We have faded, but might just as well have been df'd as non of the JW family have anything to do with us... We are pleased though, as we don't have to live a lie, or listen to there mindless dribble...
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LisaRose
Welcome Sleeping Beauty, so glad you woke up! Good job on getting your husband and children out with you as well, at least your family won't be one of the many split up by this religion.
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BU2B
Why do some here have the courage to stand up and say "this is my last meeting" and others not? Any reasons for this? I cant stand living with people who are mad at me, and am overly empathetic.. This is to the detriment of my mental health one way or another. I should have stuck to my guns of a year and a half ago... Should have stuck to what I told my wife and not backed down, but she ran out and brought my parents over.. I cracked.. I backed down to preserve the peace. Now My oldest daughter is 4. I cannot lie to her. The days of peace in my home are short. Its just as well because I have not had mental peace in over 2 years. I have a headache as I type this. Wish it was all over.. Why do I have to put up with this. I need to man up I guess. Its easier said than done.