Extracts from HM The Queen Mother's condolence books:
"When Diana died I swore I would never smile again, but eventually I did.
Now the Queen Mum has gone I cannot image that I will ever smile for the
rest of my life, but I will probably break that one too".
A.Christie,Hendon.
"She was one of the old school, all the remaining royals are shit"
J.Clement. Grantham.
"I thought she would never die, she has let us all down very badly"
D.Holmes, Somerset.
"She was a trooper and she never gave up. I remember one time she was visiting a school and I asked her if she would like to make a visit to the cloakroom before she left. 'No' she replied, 'I didn't give in to the Nazis and I won't give in to the bladder'. That's how she was, a fighter, who refused to be beaten by anything. She pissed herself later though, it was sickening".
B. Forrester, North Yorkshire.
"She was a marvelous woman, and a wonderful lover". L. J.Worthington, Penrith.
"I am absolutely devastated, at least we could have got the day off".
S.Wilson, Bristol.
"How refreshing to be able to mourn the death of a member of the Royal family without being accused of being homosexual".
J. Fletcher, High Wycombe.
"Her death should act as a warning to others who think it is cool to experiment with drugs".
. Franks, Cheshire.
"Perhaps if we automated her old golf buggy it could still drive around The Mall on its own and bring pleasure to the tourists".
Y. Howell, Slough.
"Once again the Queen is not upset enough for my liking. The woman should have a bit more compassion. How would she feel if it was her mother?"
W.Waugh, Richmond.
"I am sure the Queen Mum will not let this setback put an end to her
public duties".
N. Wallace, Swansea.
"I hold Princess Margaret in no small way responsible for this terrible event"
E. Thompson, West Lothian.
"Bomb Iraq for us Tony, it's the only thing that will make us feel
better"
P.McGregor, Southampton.
"We must do all we can, send blankets, food parcels, jumpers, anything to help these brave souls who are queuing up to walk past her coffin".
R. Thompson, Bath.
"I have been unable to masturbate for five days, and will not do so again until her majesty is buried"
E. Gorman, Derbyshire.
"Good God, who is next, Geri Halliwell?".
R. Combes, Romford.
"Whichever way you look at it, it just is not as exciting as Diana".
G.Williams, West Midlands.
"If only I could get my hands on that fish bone right now, you heartless bastard!"
J. Hedges, Cowdenbeath.
"She had such a difficult life, always battling against adversity and misfortune. Let us hope that if there is a next time round she is given a life of privilege and comfort"
T.D.Wainwright, Hastings.