Anyone with a Mormon background? Wedding with a non-believer.

by jam 10 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  jam

  Ok here's the deal. I posted previous about my son and his Mormon girlfriend. Well they are now planning to get married.

  Can a Mormon elder ( not sure what they are called) perform the marriage or will he. Her parents (Mormons) seem to be ok with it.

  My son told me , they would prefer to have a small wedding and a reception later.

  The problems, first of all we have a large non-JW family not sure the size of her family but our family alone over 100 members.

  My son don't attend any religious organization, so it doesn't matter to him who perform the marriage. I'm wondering about his girlfriend and her side of the family.

  The reception, that will be another problem. I would love to see his JW mom attend and other JW family members but I doubt it.

  Will Mormons( other then family) attend a reception for a fellow believer with a non-believer. I would hate to see these two young people hurt on the most important date of their lives.

  My heart tells me it will not turn out well, I hope I'm wrong.
• 

  JeffT

  Back about 1976 my wife's half sister married a Mormon. I don't think she had any religious preference, the parents were studying with JW's at the time. So they ended up with a JW elder performing the service in my in-laws back yard, attending by JW's, Mormon's and various friends and relatives. I believe they had a private Mormon service later, she ended up converting and they had a temple wedding a few years later.

  About all I can say is hope for the best, brace for the worst.
• 

  jgnat

  Very little Mormon experience, here. I had an acquaintance who developed an allergy to chocolate. It was forbidden, so he used to indulge behind the barn. Nasty, secret habit.

  My nephew married the daughter of Catholic missionaries, but the Catholic church would not perform the ceremony as he was not baptized! They ended up in a church service with a non-denominational pastor. The cultural divide at the reception was even more embarrassing. There were two buffet tables; one of Hungarian dishes, the other East Indian. His mother would not compromise on a single dish.
• 

  jam

  Thanks Jefft: yes I'm bracing for the worst.

  Jgnat: That,s what I'm afraid of, an embarrassing reception.

  One buffet table for JW's and one for Mormons.
• 

  jgnat

  Heck, there aren't a lot of dietary restrictions between the two cults. Just stay away from cocoa and caffeine.

  I'd suggest pep-talking all the cult relatives to treat all strangers as a possible convert. Show off their side as the cleanest, most pleasantest, most reasonable, least cult-like...
• 

  Cold Steel

  I'm a Mormon and will attempt to answer your questions.

  Normally, in a civil LDS wedding, the local Bishop will perform the wedding; however, anyone holding the higher priesthood should be able to perform the service as long as they are recognized by the state.

  You shouldn't have any problems mixing LDS and other religions, and I think you'll find they're great people. Only don't get them drunk! (just kidding) All should go smoothly. If you have any further questions, send me a PM and I'll attempt to answer them.

  Good luck and congratulations.
• 

  Qcmbr

  Former mormon here.

  The person who performs the wedding will depend on the law (for example in the UK they would need to be an authorised 'Celebrant' - religious - or an authorised 'Registrar' - civil.) The US will have its own set up for who can perform marriages. One important distinction is that in the UK a marriage must be public meaning that the US mormon practise of temple weddings (only 'worthy' church members can attend) as the sole recognition of marriage is not allowed leading to UK members taking the route of an offical legal marriage (normally in an LDS church and done by the Bishop) and then the same day going to the temple for an evening 'Eternal marriage' performed by a temple official.) Members who don't go straight to the temple ar enormally penalised by not then being allowed to eternally marry till 1 year later as determined by the local church leadership.

  In the US the practise of recognising the secret temple ceremony as official has led to lots of angst for 'unworthy' or nevermo family members being excluded from this beautiful family moment. Stupid cult.

  In your case it looks like they will be having a public marriage (phew) and in this case the positive aspect of mormonism will be on display. In general the members who attend will be lovely and you'll find that they won't have any great hangs ups. They'll integrate easily, shouldn't be too phased by alcohol, won't get rowdy themselves and will generally be lovely (though they may bunch up but that's normal for weddings anyway.) You may get the odd mormon loudly mentioning something but in general mormons find it rude to intrude their beliefs on someone else's public occasion (surprising but true) and so I wouldn't expect you to get any problems from the mixed nature of the event.

  If the wedding is at an LDS meetinghouse then there is stricly no smoking in the building or on the grounds, ditto for drinking alcohol and tea and coffee (so if you are having a meal at the church afterwards don't expect to serve booze or coffee). It may be worth pre-warning nevermos so that the day isn't troubled by awkward moments and if they want to they can arrange a quick trip to a local bar. Also depending on the nature of the invites you may get loads of the local members attend (they have no restrictions with intermingling with worldy people at public events - mormon wards also see themselves as a large family so often feel they have an open invite !) If you ar eeating at the church be aware of moochers. After church events some members will feel entitled to walk off with leftovers. Control this heavily. Don't let people take stuff away unless they donated it in the first place (some people want their dishes back quite understandably). If you have cases of food/drinks police them to make sure they don't get acquired ! This will not likely be a problem if you are eating elsewhere.

  Warn the speech givers of the churchy nature of a large part of the crowd. Rude jokes etc. will not go down well and will lead to an awkward atmosphere. Light hearted jokes will be taken well but rude ones will not.

  It will be unlikley that there will be any overt proselyting.

  Congrats.
• 

  jam

  Thanks Cold steel/ Qcmbr.

  That's great no problems with Mormons, but JW's that's

  another story, LOL. If they show up for the reception I

  will not leave when dinner is served (they ask me to leave at

  my JW daughter reception). My son told me if anyone is ask to

  leave it will be all JW's. I hope there will be no problems.

  Any further questions I will PM you. Thanks a lot.
• 

  Cold Steel

  Thanks Jefft: yes I’m bracing for the worst...I’m afraid of an embarrassing reception.

  One buffet table for JW’s and one for Mormons.

  Nonsense. I don’t think you have a thing to worry about. Mormons are well behaved, they don’t steal food nor do they start religious arguments. Qcmbr is a former, and quite bitter, member of the LDS church, and he lost no opportunity in bringing up superfluous points designed to portray Mormons as being socially inept and iconoclastic. Even though there is no temple marriage involved here, he couldn’t refrain from bringing it up so he could refer to the church as a “stupid cult.”

  Qcmbr warned, “You may get the odd mormon (sic) loudly mentioning something....” Something?? What we’re not exactly told, just be ready for an odd Mormon kook doing something ridiculous and embarrassing. It reminds me of Dan Peterson’s story about a thread on an ex-Mormon website “discussing how Mormons noisily slurp their soup in restaurants.”

  Again, you shouldn’t have any problems. But be aware that anyone can be an uncultured boor at a party, and their religion really has nothing to do with it—unless you’re talking snake handlers. The fiancé of my wife’s nephew found a sale on lip balm during the Christmas holidays. She subsequently showed up with him at a party thrown by my wife’s aunt (an atheist), and attempted to sell the lip balm to the party guests at a hefty profit. She wasn’t a Mormon, or a Jehovah's Witness; she was just a kook. She’d never met any of those guests, either. First impressions.

  That's great no problems with Mormons, but JW's that's another story, LOL. If they show up for the reception I will not leave when dinner is served (they ask me to leave at my JW daughter reception).

  Wow...can you relate that story? Who asked you to leave at your JW daughter’s reception? The KH elders? What did they tell you?
• 

  jam

  cold steel: This took place around 12 years ago. My daughter and

  her husband ask me to attend, dad I won't you there but could

  you come after dinner. I agreed, no problem. Well when I arrived dinner

  had not been served. The problem, my non-JW family members were also

  present. So I arrived with my date we took our seat at the table with my non-JW family,

  my brother his daughter and her husband, my two sons and their date.

  The brother presiding over the reception, we served in the missionary

  togather (he was the branch OS). Unaware that dinner had not been

  served my daughter came over to the table and told me daddy there's a

  problem, you must leave before we can serve dinner. I told my brother I must leave. Why he ask? Try telling a sane person why I

  must leave, LOL. Well it ending with my non-JW family leaving with me,

  we all stood up and walked out.

  The funny thing about the reception entertainment, a slide show with

  me in it, missionary work. My daughter told me later that was the

  entertainment. My JW family, ex wife and her husband, my other daughter

  and her husband and nephews and nieces and freinds over 200 present.

  I found out later, my nephew, son-in-law (my other daughter husband)

  both served at Bathel and my ex-wife and my other daughter went to

  the presiding elder and told him, the program can not continue with me

  present.

  If that would have happen today, WOW no one would have eaten.